Overheard Funnies 2022

[Wakey321]

3 hours ago, The Red Telephone said:

Not overheard, but seen. Quite a lot.

Nat has herpes.

Absolutely everywhere! 

Poor Nat!

[Babylon sister]

5 hours ago, Larraht said:

Not so much a word for word conversation but I overheard a steward talking to someone about a live tortoise being handed into one of the gates that she was on duty at and what they might do about this situation! 

A steward called Kim told me she was handed a small tortoise while working. They called him/her Pennard, the rspca took it to be looked after  

[banananey]

"I hope they get Michael Jackson to headline next year."

"Ahh mate can you imagine!? That'd be sick!"

"Nah he can't headline, he's dead!"

"He's not!? Naaaah, really!?"

[Jakeyboi135]

"I might go watch Paul McCartney"

"Is that the old bloke who can't sing anymore?"

Guy looked genuinely perplexed at who he was

[Badlands]

“Normalise communal urinals” - woman with her trousers down bent over the urinals at Williams Green on Thursday…

[SighMo]

17 hours ago, The Red Telephone said:

Not overheard, but seen. Quite a lot.

Nat has herpes.

We walked past as Nat was having her pic taken alongside the Tipi screening. 

[Nelson100]

Not an overheard, but an overseen.

Came out the longdrops to see the door opposite me had someone gripping onto the bottom of it, with both hands, from the inside. Whatever was happening in there must have been dramatic.

[idontgetoutmuch]

Overheard on the entrance to the southeast corner at 2am Monday morning - 

The thing is that I really like it over here but I also really like being in my own bed.

[Pinhead]

19 hours ago, essjay2009 said:

Ordering a cocktail at one of the bars in the SEC and the guy behind the bar says "I can't give you a straw, we're not allowed to any more because people keep using them to take drugs" and then deadpan ends with "so you're getting a spoon instead, no one's ever done drugs off a spoon".

There is no spoon. Probably gave him a wooden one too which would have been interesting...

[March Hare]

17 hours ago, Babylon sister said:

A steward called Kim told me she was handed a small tortoise while working. They called him/her Pennard, the rspca took it to be looked after  

Yup, that one came through over the radio 😂

Edited June 29, 2022 by March Hare

[Harry MonkFish]

On 6/28/2022 at 9:05 AM, dj_tim said:

Overheard someone call John Peel "the John Lewis stage".

I heard it called the John Paedo stage. 

[Ayrshire Chris]

17 hours ago, Babylon sister said:

A steward called Kim told me she was handed a small tortoise while working. They called him/her Pennard, the rspca took it to be looked after  

I’ll bet it could have got from the pyramid to the park on Friday quicker than it took me 😉

[charlierc]

I saw this when browsing Vice yesterday. Seemed relevant to this discussion: All The Things We Overheard at Glastonbury 2022 (vice.com)

Some of these were pretty spectacular.

[Euphoricape]

Some guy whilst watching inhaler, shouted out 'your dad has the biggest collection of hatchbacks in the South East'

[alibear]

Girl: "I made the mistake of double-dropping last night because I didn't feel much from the first. Within five minutes, every blade of grass had turned into razor clams."

Lad: "AGAIN?! What is it with you and razor clams?"

 

[giantkatestacks]

Middle aged woman: 'I know where I'm going to scatter John's ashes'.

A beat

'Of course he isnt dead yet'

[Jay Pee]

Two lasses walking Along railway line after Sunday headliner. one says.

"I haven't seen any bands"

Remarkable in effort alone 

[Jay Pee]

I also chuckled at WaterAid colleagues on loo crew and a conversation they were having. If you open a long drop door and it is like someone has done somersaults of shit in there, the drill is to lock off the door, tape it across and call in the SAS of loo cleaning to deep clean via WaterAid HQ.

The call sign over the radio / phone was a code brown 

[Spiritdesire]

3 hours ago, Nelson100 said:

Not an overheard, but an overseen.

Came out the longdrops to see the door opposite me had someone gripping onto the bottom of it, with both hands, from the inside. Whatever was happening in there must have been dramatic.

Haha I saw something similar but it was someone in the one next to me gripping the bottom on my side. 
The temptation to tickle their hand was strong but I thought whatever they were in the middle of needed optimal concentration so decided against. 

[I feel like Pablo]

On 6/28/2022 at 7:44 PM, Jay Pee said:

It isn't an overheard funny but on the sleep deprived brain fogged Saturday morning, I put Savlon on my toothbrush by mistake.

I do not recommend trying that at home kids

I too have done this at Glastonbury. Nothing quite like it 

[nikkic]

6 minutes ago, I feel like Pablo said:

I too have done this at Glastonbury. Nothing quite like it 

In 2017 I was brushing my teeth and took a a big sip of what I thought was water, but turned out to be vodka. 

Absolute aids. 

[Toilet Duck]

15 minutes ago, nikkic said:

In 2017 I was brushing my teeth and took a a big sip of what I thought was water, but turned out to be vodka. 

Absolute aids. 

A mate popped out of his tent one morning and went for the full Timotei effect with his 2 litre water bottle. Straight over the head, with an accompanying shake. Was his vodka. Stung his sunburnt noggin and open eyes like hell (but hilarious for us). Worst, he did exactly the same thing the next bloody day! 

[Jay Pee]

33 minutes ago, I feel like Pablo said:

I too have done this at Glastonbury. Nothing quite like it 

 

I need to work on my wash kit / first aid kit segregation regime 

[BreadMakesYouFat?]

Whilst heading out of William's Green on Thursday afternoon, two women walked past, all I heard of their conversation was...

"I've been here since fucking Monday, I'm GOING to sleep with someone!"

[Quark]

1 hour ago, nikkic said:

In 2017 I was brushing my teeth and took a a big sip of what I thought was water, but turned out to be vodka. 

Absolute aids. 

Mate did this. One of our guys offered him a bottle he assumed was water. Skittles vodka.

He was struggling a bit after that.