How do you feel?

[Crazyfool01]

10 minutes ago, oneeye said:

50 years, that's marvellous scenes, excellent stuff.  I would look to get your parents vaccinations out of the way first. I can only imagine the anxiety surrounding the whole situation; it must be having an impact on people's judgement at the moment, which again is understandable and natural. The best thing that you can do is to continue to be there for them, your Mum will come around to the fact that she does need to be seen, but one step at a time.  

thanks ... just hard to see through the fog right now ... so hard for everyone ... i just want to see smiles again .. 

[oneeye]

1 minute ago, crazyfool1 said:

thanks ... just hard to see through the fog right now ... so hard for everyone ... i just want to see smiles again .. 

We all do; we will....

 

[oneeye]

Feeling strangely fine & dandy this morning. A frosty, bright start to the day out there, early morning dog walk done, didn't see a soul; bliss. My Dad's just has his vaccination and the weekend is now fast approaching. Stay safe & positive pop pickers, it will get better....

[WestCountryGirl]

I'm spiralling right now. I've been really struggling the last few weeks, not even specifically with sadness but almost a complete lack of emotion. I don't cry like I used to. I just don't feel strongly about anything. I can never decide what I want to do. I can't get things done that I need to. I'm spacing out at work and know I'm losing hold of stuff.

And right now I'm just unable to sleep. Just thinking about a million different things. Thinking about how it was around this time a year ago I started getting concerned. Thinking about how much more freaked out I'd have been if I'd known where we'd be a year later... I can only imagine I'd have had to be committed. Thinking about how my Mum keeps desperately trying to help me in every aspect of my life from 300 miles away, and feeling sad to think of how sad she must be feeling too.

Thinking about how it's my 30th birthday next month and it's not going to be a bit like I pictured it. And me even looking forward to a birthday was a novelty in itself, but I was looking forward to this one. Feeling foolish because for my birthday I asked my boyfriend for an instax camera (I know, I know, I'm a basic bitch... but i loved the thought of being able to snap happy memories and give them to people to keep in an instant) but now the idea of being able to enjoy it with anyone at all seems a distant impossibility.

And this is all with having barely looked at the news the last few days. I've just been cross-stitching for hours on end which is good as it keeps my hands busy, but I think it's also contriburing to me feeling completely detached from everything. But that is how I feel. I feel like I'm just floating further and further away from my life and my self, just observing it, and not feeling it. And I hate that, it's very disconcerting, because I've always felt everything so easily - finding joy in the stupidest tiny thing and crying at the drop of a hat - and being so flat really makes me feel fundamentally, not me.

Sorry for the essay. I'm sure i'll feel very silly to read it back in the morning... I know everything always seems worse at night.

Edited January 23, 2021 by WestCountryGirl

[Gilgamesh69]

13 minutes ago, WestCountryGirl said:

I'm spiralling right now. I've been really struggling the last few weeks, not even specifically with sadness but almost a complete lack of emotion. I don't cry like I used to. I just don't feel strongly about anything. I can never decide what I want to do. I can't get things done that I need to. I'm spacing out at work and know I'm losing hold of stuff.

And right now I'm just unable to sleep. Just thinking about a million different things. Thinking about how it was around this time a year ago I started getting concerned. Thinking about how much more freaked out I'd have been if I'd known where we'd be a year later... I can only imagine I'd have had to be committed. Thinking about how my Mum keeps desperately trying to help me in every aspect of my life from 300 miles away, and feeling sad to think of how sad she must be feeling too.

Thinking about how it's my 30th birthday next month and it's not going to be a bit like I pictured it. And me even looking forward to a birthday was a novelty in itself, but I was looking forward to this one. Feeling foolish because for my birthday I asked my boyfriend for an instax camera (I know, I know, I'm a basic bitch... but i loved the thought of being able to snap happy memories and give them to people to keep in an instant) but now the idea of being able to enjoy it with anyone at all seems a distant impossibility.

And this is all with having barely looked at the news the last few days. I've just been cross-stitching for hours on end which is good as it keeps my hands busy, but I think it's also contriburing to me feeling completely detached from everything. But that is how I feel. I feel like I'm just floating further and further away from my life and my self, just observing it, and not feeling it. And I hate that, it's very disconcerting, because I've always felt everything so easily - finding joy in the stupidest tiny thing and crying at the drop of a hat - and being so flat really makes me feel fundamentally, not me.

Sorry for the essay. I'm sure i'll feel very silly to read it back in the morning... I know everything always seems worse at night.

Really sorry to hear you're feeling like this... I can definitely relate, although unfortunately I can't advise because I don't know what to do either. 😬

 

It's like, my mind has all these coping mechanisms and whatnot, but the past year has been such a constant onslaught of misery that it's battered through all the defences I had. Life just feels like this foggy grey expanse that I'm wandering through aimlessly.

 

Anyway, sending you all the love and hugs! DMs are always open if ya need to talk x

 

P.s. as for sleep issues; have you tried sleep teas? They help me sometimes

 

[priest17]

Shite.

[WestCountryGirl]

Thanks @Gilgamesh69 - it's always comforting to know there are listening ears here. I think why I dumped all my thoughts out there is because I'm starting to feel like I'm boring those closer in my life. It's just the same thing every few months, just this time it's a bit different.

And sleep issues are not normally a thing for me 😅 i'm a head-touches-pillow kinda gal. I think last night, kind of like a baby or young child, I stayed up "too late" and got past the point of tiredness. I am sure I'll make up for it with copious naps today.

[Gilgamesh69]

3 hours ago, WestCountryGirl said:

Thanks @Gilgamesh69 - it's always comforting to know there are listening ears here. I think why I dumped all my thoughts out there is because I'm starting to feel like I'm boring those closer in my life. It's just the same thing every few months, just this time it's a bit different.

And sleep issues are not normally a thing for me 😅 i'm a head-touches-pillow kinda gal. I think last night, kind of like a baby or young child, I stayed up "too late" and got past the point of tiredness. I am sure I'll make up for it with copious naps today.

Hey, how are you feeling today?

 

My sleep pattern is getting really fucked up too. My anxiety is worsening, so when I lay my head down, that's when all the negative thoughts, worries and regrets all start rushing in. So I try to stay up late distracting myself, but then it just gets worse. Plus Im spending far too much time looking at screens which is giving me sore eyes and headaches lol

[Ozanne]

4 hours ago, Gilgamesh69 said:

Hey, how are you feeling today?

 

My sleep pattern is getting really fucked up too. My anxiety is worsening, so when I lay my head down, that's when all the negative thoughts, worries and regrets all start rushing in. So I try to stay up late distracting myself, but then it just gets worse. Plus Im spending far too much time looking at screens which is giving me sore eyes and headaches lol

I hope you are ok and the anxiety dies down mate. I suffer from anxiety too so I known what it's like.

14 hours ago, priest17 said:

Shite.

I hope you're gonna be ok.

[guypjfreak]

I've joined CALM.. 

Load up shit but I like the idea.... 

Spoke to a hospital doc on phone and they said that I'll have to go in next time.. When ever that will be... Poor bloke said they were snowed under.. Which I knew.. On the news bmth and Poole have started to send people to the Exeter nightingale hospital 

Not seen my shrink this year.. Its a nightmare old sons... Still I'm not flooded and have a roof over my head.. Small wonders ah 

Peace and vodka, white rum, and amoreta coffee 

[funkychick2007]

3 minutes ago, guypjfreak said:

I've joined CALM.. 

Load up shit but I like the idea.... 

Spoke to a hospital doc on phone and they said that I'll have to go in next time.. When ever that will be... Poor bloke said they were snowed under.. Which I knew.. On the news bmth and Poole have started to send people to the Exeter nightingale hospital 

Not seen my shrink this year.. Its a nightmare old sons... Still I'm not flooded and have a roof over my head.. Small wonders ah 

Peace and vodka, white rum, and amoreta coffee 

CALM is really good!! There are lots of good stuff online!! look after yourself! We all need to escape from things every once in a while!!! In a positive way!! 

[guypjfreak]

15 minutes ago, funkychick2007 said:

CALM is really good!! There are lots of good stuff online!! look after yourself! We all need to escape from things every once in a while!!! In a positive way!! 

Cheers FF old son lady 

[funkychick2007]

18 minutes ago, guypjfreak said:

Cheers FF old son lady 

One of my families I work with has just started reading the Bryony Gordon book no such thing as normal!!! She said its very good and wants me to read it afterwards!! Some of the best recommendations come from those who have been there!! 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

22 hours ago, WestCountryGirl said:

I'm spiralling right now. I've been really struggling the last few weeks, not even specifically with sadness but almost a complete lack of emotion. I don't cry like I used to. I just don't feel strongly about anything. I can never decide what I want to do. I can't get things done that I need to. I'm spacing out at work and know I'm losing hold of stuff.

And right now I'm just unable to sleep. Just thinking about a million different things. Thinking about how it was around this time a year ago I started getting concerned. Thinking about how much more freaked out I'd have been if I'd known where we'd be a year later... I can only imagine I'd have had to be committed. Thinking about how my Mum keeps desperately trying to help me in every aspect of my life from 300 miles away, and feeling sad to think of how sad she must be feeling too.

Thinking about how it's my 30th birthday next month and it's not going to be a bit like I pictured it. And me even looking forward to a birthday was a novelty in itself, but I was looking forward to this one. Feeling foolish because for my birthday I asked my boyfriend for an instax camera (I know, I know, I'm a basic bitch... but i loved the thought of being able to snap happy memories and give them to people to keep in an instant) but now the idea of being able to enjoy it with anyone at all seems a distant impossibility.

And this is all with having barely looked at the news the last few days. I've just been cross-stitching for hours on end which is good as it keeps my hands busy, but I think it's also contriburing to me feeling completely detached from everything. But that is how I feel. I feel like I'm just floating further and further away from my life and my self, just observing it, and not feeling it. And I hate that, it's very disconcerting, because I've always felt everything so easily - finding joy in the stupidest tiny thing and crying at the drop of a hat - and being so flat really makes me feel fundamentally, not me.

Sorry for the essay. I'm sure i'll feel very silly to read it back in the morning... I know everything always seems worse at night.

Hello WestCountryGirl,

Not the kind of place anyone wants to go to right now (other than for THE vaccine), but I really would advice seeing your doctor. I'm not saying that it is this, but what you have described has happened to me on a number of occasions. With me it was work related stress that did it for me. For you it (if it is indeed the same thing) it could be covid or anything else, or even multiples of things. Anyway, I'm really not here to worry you. However, I believe that it would be a dereliction of duty not to mention that my previous 'moments' in time like you have indicated, resulted in breakdowns. The thing is I am willing to medicate against it - and it works if / when you get the right medication and the right strength. However, that's not everybody's cup of tea - the chemical cosh, type thing. Have you tried meditation and self healing type 'things'? If not, why not give them a whirl to see if they can relax you the way that you want to be relaxed, and not 'governed' by another 'force'.

This is for you (see below). All the best.

 

 

PS - I think it was another efester who introduced this to me. In fact, I know it was. However, I can't recall who, so can't 'ackowledge' them. 

Anyway, if the person who posted it is reading this right now - Ta. Ta very much! 🙂

[oneeye]

Morning all, another beauty of a start today out there, watch your footing and stay safe x

Edited January 24, 2021 by oneeye

[Wellyboot]

Hope everyone is doing ok, @WestCountryGirl I'm so sorry you're not feeling yourself. If there's anything at all that i can do please let me know xx

[gigpusher]

On 1/23/2021 at 2:30 AM, WestCountryGirl said:

I'm spiralling right now. I've been really struggling the last few weeks, not even specifically with sadness but almost a complete lack of emotion. I don't cry like I used to. I just don't feel strongly about anything. I can never decide what I want to do. I can't get things done that I need to. I'm spacing out at work and know I'm losing hold of stuff.

And right now I'm just unable to sleep. Just thinking about a million different things. Thinking about how it was around this time a year ago I started getting concerned. Thinking about how much more freaked out I'd have been if I'd known where we'd be a year later... I can only imagine I'd have had to be committed. Thinking about how my Mum keeps desperately trying to help me in every aspect of my life from 300 miles away, and feeling sad to think of how sad she must be feeling too.

Thinking about how it's my 30th birthday next month and it's not going to be a bit like I pictured it. And me even looking forward to a birthday was a novelty in itself, but I was looking forward to this one. Feeling foolish because for my birthday I asked my boyfriend for an instax camera (I know, I know, I'm a basic bitch... but i loved the thought of being able to snap happy memories and give them to people to keep in an instant) but now the idea of being able to enjoy it with anyone at all seems a distant impossibility.

And this is all with having barely looked at the news the last few days. I've just been cross-stitching for hours on end which is good as it keeps my hands busy, but I think it's also contriburing to me feeling completely detached from everything. But that is how I feel. I feel like I'm just floating further and further away from my life and my self, just observing it, and not feeling it. And I hate that, it's very disconcerting, because I've always felt everything so easily - finding joy in the stupidest tiny thing and crying at the drop of a hat - and being so flat really makes me feel fundamentally, not me.

Sorry for the essay. I'm sure i'll feel very silly to read it back in the morning... I know everything always seems worse at night.

So sorry you are feeling like this. I think it's beginning to wear most of us down so know that you are not alone. Advice about reaching out to your Doctor seems sensible. I also find doing the things that you take comfort in can be useful. The other week prompted by a Tim Burgess listening party I put on some old Bangles albums and had a right good singalong. Songs that I knew every word, every intake of breath etc and it did help. I'm continuing to read a lot as well but if you are struggling with that again re-visiting old favourites even kids stories you enjoyed might help for a while. The end is in sight it just still feels a long way away. I have no doubt once the weather is warmer we will be able to meet with friends etc again. It seems the evidence that the virus doesn't easily transmit outside is getting stronger so meet friends outdoors for walks if you can and know this you are not alone. 

[WestCountryGirl]

Thank you @Gilgamesh69 @Yoghurt on a Stick @Wellyboot @gigpusher for your thoughts xx I am feeling a bit brighter today. I played a few rounds of Beat Saber (it's kind of like a dance game in virtual reality) over the weekend and it felt really good to get moving. Yesterday I just did all of my favourite go-to tracks and it was really cathartic to just be wildly swinging around, slashing at the air. Definitely going to make that a much more regular part of my routine.

I've got a zoom chat booked in with some good friends this evening whom I haven't spoken to in a while which will be nice. I've kind of been shying away from the virtual gettogethers recently but I know they really help - which is why I'm definitely going to pop in to the Efests meet at the weekend 🙂

Also, my parents have gone ahead and booked us a trip to Center Parcs with my brother/sister-in-law/nephew for the first week of August. We were going to just get a regular rental house, but Mum found that Center Parcs have a very good covid cancellation policy, and I'm like - I don't care where we are as long as we're together, and if we're together in a place where I can also be in a spa, I'm all for it. Trying not to get my hopes up too much but I'm fairly hopeful that by that time restrictions may allow for the trip, so I'm just focussing on having something to look forward to in the distance. If it ends up not coming off, that's future-Kate's problem.

And certainly in the meantime yep reading, singing and indeed seeking medical help if necessary, are all very valuable things for me to do. Thank you so much all of you for taking the time to respond, it's really so much comfort to be able to just tell this place what is going on and be greeted with such thoughtful words and care. x

[squirrelarmy]

18 minutes ago, WestCountryGirl said:

I played a few rounds of Beat Saber (it's kind of like a dance game in virtual reality) over the weekend and it felt really good to get moving. Yesterday I just did all of my favourite go-to tracks and it was really cathartic to just be wildly swinging around, slashing at the air. Definitely going to make that a much more regular part of my routine

Love this game a lot. I was getting quite good at it and could just about complete the expert levels. Not played it as much recently but I had a quick go the other weekend and I can see myself getting back into it. 
 

When you start playing the higher levels, it becomes a serious work out, who said gaming was unhealthy 😂

[WestCountryGirl]

Just now, squirrelarmy said:

Love this game a lot. I was getting quite good at it and could just about complete the expert levels. Not played it as much recently but I had a quick go the other weekend and I can see myself getting back into it. 
 

When you start playing the higher levels, it becomes a serious work out, who said gaming was unhealthy 😂

For sure! We just play the custom maps and some of the 'expert+' are REAL cardio. My everests at present are maps of "Block Rockin Beats" and MCR's "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" whilst my boyfriend is trying to overcome "Before I Forget" by Slipknot 😂

 

On a completely different note, thanks for that gorgeous track recommendation @Yoghurt on a Stick. I adore choral music and this cover of Laura Mvula's 'Sing to the Moon' has really been one I've returned a lot to in recent months when in need of some calm. Currently designing a cross-stitch based on it, so double the calm!

 

[Wellyboot]

27 minutes ago, WestCountryGirl said:

Thank you @Gilgamesh69 @Yoghurt on a Stick @Wellyboot @gigpusher for your thoughts xx I am feeling a bit brighter today. I played a few rounds of Beat Saber (it's kind of like a dance game in virtual reality) over the weekend and it felt really good to get moving. Yesterday I just did all of my favourite go-to tracks and it was really cathartic to just be wildly swinging around, slashing at the air. Definitely going to make that a much more regular part of my routine.

I've got a zoom chat booked in with some good friends this evening whom I haven't spoken to in a while which will be nice. I've kind of been shying away from the virtual gettogethers recently but I know they really help - which is why I'm definitely going to pop in to the Efests meet at the weekend 🙂

Also, my parents have gone ahead and booked us a trip to Center Parcs with my brother/sister-in-law/nephew for the first week of August. We were going to just get a regular rental house, but Mum found that Center Parcs have a very good covid cancellation policy, and I'm like - I don't care where we are as long as we're together, and if we're together in a place where I can also be in a spa, I'm all for it. Trying not to get my hopes up too much but I'm fairly hopeful that by that time restrictions may allow for the trip, so I'm just focussing on having something to look forward to in the distance. If it ends up not coming off, that's future-Kate's problem.

And certainly in the meantime yep reading, singing and indeed seeking medical help if necessary, are all very valuable things for me to do. Thank you so much all of you for taking the time to respond, it's really so much comfort to be able to just tell this place what is going on and be greeted with such thoughtful words and care. x

Good for you!! I'm really glad you're doing things that you enjoy, its really important cos it will make you feel a bit better 🙂 Even if you dont really fancy it, keep going with the zooms, once you get past the initial 'ugh i cant be bothered' and you're on there your friends will really cheer you up! Efests zoom this weekend - will be so nice to have you on there lovely!! Keep looking after yourself and if you need anything please just give me a shout! Will be thinking of you xx 

[funkychick2007]

@WestCountryGirl Glad your feeling better! well done on finding the small things you enjoy and having a go at them! Just trying something is a huge achievement in these times!! The holiday sounds like you have something to look forward too with people who care about you!! Enjoy the healthy competition between you and the boyfriend on the dance game! Take care! 🌈⭐️ 

[swede]

I'm absolutely fine, have been for months, at work with my tunes on, as long as I keep busy, take it one day at a time and keep moving forward Im mentally ok, cant dwell on things too much and I know this isnt forever. 

[guypjfreak]

Feeling blaaaar like this morning.... Hope to snap out of the it soon.. At least the sun is shining 

[lemons]

Barely left bed yesterday but dragged myself up today for some exercise and tried to cook some veggie snacks. Then got a message out of the blue from an old friend recommending music 🙂 I'm missing friends in other countries though I should be used to going long periods without them!