poll How to wipe??

[lucyginger]

33 minutes ago, mr gumby said:

Lucy, I'm getting you some of these for a belated Christmas present, you deserve them!

 

Sparkly Shift and Lift!! Woo! 

I really don't get the Immodium approach. You must feel awful! 

[Tuna]

today I learned there is a wikipedia article dedicated to toilet paper orientation

also wet wipe -> loo roll with the shift and lift is the way to go.

[Woffy]

4 minutes ago, Tuna said:

today I learned there is a wikipedia article dedicated to toilet paper orientation

also wet wipe -> loo roll with the shift and lift is the way to go.

IIRC the bloke who patented the perforated toilet roll did so with the proviso that the 'over' orientation is the correct way.

 

[lucyginger]

9 minutes ago, Woffy said:

IIRC the bloke who patented the perforated toilet roll did so with the proviso that the 'over' orientation is the correct way.

 

I also believe this to be true. 

[Fred Zepplin]

No need to wipe

Just go to the taps with your trousers round your ankles and use it as a bidet, the cold water is so refreshing

[Slugworth]

3 hours ago, Woffy said:

 

Explain yourself, Slugs! How do you achieve this? Are you female?

 

It's still a mystery to me. I did take immodium on my first year, so didnt shit for a month after, but the last two years just haven't had the urge. I don't eat a great deal and only drink spirits at festivals so may have something to do with it.

 

I'm kind of expecting a post-Glasters rate-my-shit thread on here now.

[Woffy]

16 minutes ago, Slugworth said:

I'm kind of expecting a post-Glasters rate-my-shit thread on here now.

Photos will suffice, dear chap.

[Bradders]

I broke my back recently and it caused a bit of a back up of shit for a week. When I finally did a poo it hurt so much I threw up from the pain.

I can state with confidence that week long constipation is more painful than a broken spine. Don't attempt it.

[Mardy]

One of the unspoken and yet great pleasures of Glastonbury is an al fresco dump. Sure you're in a cubicle over some long drops, the kidney tang strong in your nose, but look up, the sky above you, a few seagulls circling, the odd fluffy cloud drifting overhead. Beautiful. Open air crapping. One of my Glasto moments.

[Avalon_Fields]

Surprisingly educational thread! I wish my mother had taught me all these techniques, didn't realise my life was so lacking...

[Rumblestripe]

This poll is null and void you are missing the perfect solution. The moist toilet tissue

Fully flushable and biodegradable yet in an easy to carry flat pack. Say no to five day encrusted klingons. Give your arse a treat. (Other brands are available)

[stuartbert two hats]

9 minutes ago, Rumblestripe said:

This poll is null and void you are missing the perfect solution. The moist toilet tissue

Fully flushable and biodegradable yet in an easy to carry flat pack. Say no to five day encrusted klingons. Give your arse a treat. (Other brands are available)

They're good, but will not fit comfortably in trouser pockets.

Edited January 19, 2016 by stuartbert two hats

[fatyeti24]

At a festival one makes do to the best of one's circumstances. However some of the every day habits of posters here leaves one nothing short of appalled. Thankfully as I am not currently resident in the UK, I am happy to be living in a home with a bidet. 

Were excrement to find itself anywhere else on one's person, soap and water would be necessary. Why anyone would believe their most sensitive assets to be exempt from such levels of hygiene is, frankly, fucking disgusting. 

Shame on you, paper smearers, shame on you all  

[Gnomicide]

You know what I don't like, US toilets. The water level is far too high. I'm always concerned I may come into contact with it.

[Comfy Bean]

5 pages and it look`s like no-one has cracked the " what hand do you wipe your bum with ? "  Gag 

[lucyginger]

1 hour ago, Rumblestripe said:

This poll is null and void you are missing the perfect solution. The moist toilet tissue

Fully flushable and biodegradable yet in an easy to carry flat pack. Say no to five day encrusted klingons. Give your arse a treat. (Other brands are available)

Only 12 in a pack too? What if you have a Five Poo Friday, as previously mentioned?

[Funkyfairy!]

Think this is potentially the one thread ever that I've read every single response and giggled through half of them 

Pure brilliance :-) 

I'm with Lucyginger .... Sit just sit ... No squatting - did anyone ever die or catch anything nasty from sitting on a toilet seat ?

anyone carry the little packs of flushable paper thin toilet seat covers with them at Glastonbury ? 

[Gnomicide]

9 minutes ago, Funkyfairy! said:

Think this is potentially the one thread ever that I've read every single response and giggled through half of them 

Pure brilliance :-) 

I'm with Lucyginger .... Sit just sit ... No squatting - did anyone ever die or catch anything nasty from sitting on a toilet seat ?

anyone carry the little packs of flushable paper thin toilet seat covers with them at Glastonbury ? 

I was given a pack prior to 2011, thought I'd give it a go to see what the fuss was about.

I spread said cover out over the seat, turned round, dropped my kecks and it blew away before cheeks hit paper.

Would I try them again? No, I couldn't be arsed*.

 

*sorry.

[LondonTom]

10 hours ago, Respectfatfrog said:

question for all of you how do you stop your shorts touching the urine soaked floor do I just wear long shorts or no leg strength to keep them up when doing my stuff

A good what is now known affectionately as "man spreading" with your legs, and a little tug up should do the trick. (This is the down to 3/4 lengths, that you have to make sure you have good clearance). Normally I find the there is one or two cubicles in the campsites that have a pretty much dry/clean floor though!

 

4 hours ago, fatyeti24 said:

At a festival one makes do to the best of one's circumstances. However some of the every day habits of posters here leaves one nothing short of appalled. Thankfully as I am not currently resident in the UK, I am happy to be living in a home with a bidet. 

Were excrement to find itself anywhere else on one's person, soap and water would be necessary. Why anyone would believe their most sensitive assets to be exempt from such levels of hygiene is, frankly, fucking disgusting. 

Shame on you, paper smearers, shame on you all  

No excuses at Glasto, not to keep up these standards...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Medipaq%C2%AE-PORTABLE-BIDET-Hygienic-Household/dp/B002DY883W

[Rumblestripe]

12 hours ago, lucyginger said:

Only 12 in a pack too? What if you have a Five Poo Friday, as previously mentioned?

One to carry with you, one back at the tent

One to rule them all and in the cubicles unclingon them

[windy_miller]

On 19/01/2016 at 3:45 PM, Tuna said:

today I learned there is a wikipedia article dedicated to toilet paper orientation

also wet wipe -> loo roll with the shift and lift is the way to go.

I was about to post this very question.  The correct orientation is "over".  My wife always goes for "under" so I am forever correcting the orientation of the loo role in our house.  I will also turn loo rolls round in other people's houses if they are the wrong way round because it annoys me so much!

I actually think people's preference for "over" or "under" is related to standing or sitting to wipe.  If you are a stander (like me) then its just awkward to reach under the roll.

21 hours ago, Bradders said:

I broke my back recently and it caused a bit of a back up of shit for a week. When I finally did a poo it hurt so much I threw up from the pain.

I can state with confidence that week long constipation is more painful than a broken spine. Don't attempt it.

I had appendicitis a few years ago, and didn't shit for about a week after my op either.  It took me about an hour to get that one out.

[slash's hat]

I was in absolute agony and also throwing up from the pain. Went to a&e who got some morphine in to me, did an x-ray which showed a blocked intestine. Enema and suppository and was right as rain. Felt a bloody fool though, going to hospital for constipation - though didn't know what it was at the time.

Edited January 20, 2016 by slash's hat

[willutalk]

Sorry for sounding like a complete noob but what's the difference between Entire bog roll and Some flat bog roll?

[Woffy]

4 minutes ago, willutalk said:

Sorry for sounding like a complete noob but what's the difference between Entire bog roll and Some flat bog roll?

An entire roll of bog roll taken to tbe longdrop.

Some / a guesstimate of required bog roll taken from the entire roll and taken to the longdrop.

[Gucci Piggy]

26 minutes ago, willutalk said:

complete noob

Less Runescape for you, William.