poll How to wipe??

[Woffy]

35 minutes ago, Frankly Mr Shankly said:

I do not squat my good man, I perch, like an elegant owl.

At Glastonbury? So you get mud all over the seat area?

[The Nal]

Nab some bog roll from one of the info points. 

I brought the Guardian into the long drops once. They had just been cleaned. Nice relaxing read.

[Frankly Mr Shankly]

13 minutes ago, Woffy said:

At Glastonbury? So you get mud all over the seat area?

No, at Glastonbury I prefer to shit in a carry bag in my tent. 

 

[lucyginger]

One thing I have learned over the years, is that people's toilet habits are so fucking weird!!! 

1. Fold, not scrunch. 

2. Sit to poop. Properly sit, not squat. 

3. Sit to wipe, which is easily done if you shift all your weight to one foot and lift the opposite side, like when you fart while you're sat on the sofa. 

I think you'll find this 3 point program satisfactory for your poopy needs  

I love efests. 

Oh and pick up a loo roll from the info point, keep it in your tent, but carry around a packet of tissues for "on the go". Sorted. 

[Bradders]

7 minutes ago, lucyginger said:

One thing I have learned over the years, is that people's toilet habits are so fucking weird!!! 

1. Fold, not scrunch. 

2. Sit to poop. Properly sit, not squat. 

3. Sit to wipe, which is easily done if you shift all your weight to one foot and lift the opposite side, like when you fart while you're sat on the sofa. 

I think you'll find this 3 point program satisfactory for your poopy needs  

I love efests. 

Oh and pick up a loo roll from the info point, keep it in your tent, but carry around a packet of tissues for "on the go". Sorted. 

This is how to shit. Take note everyone.

[Gnomicide]

Lucy has nailed it.

[Mezhyp1]

You seem a very accomplished shitter Lucy, everybody take note 

[LeeGalvin]

What a pro!

[Woffy]

And an accomplished farter too, it should be noted.

[Gnomicide]

2 minutes ago, Woffy said:

And an accomplished farter too, it should be noted.

Her rendition of The Floral Dance has to be heard to be believed.

[lucyginger]

It's all about being comfy and considerate!

 

 

[lucyginger]

1 minute ago, Gnomicide said:

Her rendition of The Floral Dance has to be heard to be believed.

I'll try to get to the Wednesday meet this year

[Woffy]

2 minutes ago, lucyginger said:

It's all about being comfy and considerate!

 

 

Lucy, as an accomplished chorister, have you ever let one go whilst performing?

[lucyginger]

7 minutes ago, Woffy said:

Lucy, as an accomplished chorister, have you ever let one go whilst performing?

Not so you can hear it, no. I wouldn't be able to guarantee it was in tune. Plus I sing soprano, so anything too low would just sound odd

[Woffy]

16 minutes ago, lucyginger said:

Not so you can hear it, no. I wouldn't be able to guarantee it was in tune. Plus I sing soprano, so anything too low would just sound odd

Brilliant!

Upvote deserved!

[lucyginger]

13 minutes ago, Woffy said:

Brilliant!

Upvote deserved!

Thanks!!

[Lubic]

1 hour ago, Woffy said:

Brilliant!

Upvote deserved!

Nobody who remains seated to wipe their bum deserves an upvote - tactical weight shift or not!

[stuartbert two hats]

Let my voice join the chorus commending Lucy on her shitting habits.  Everything else is just wrong.

Admin, can we lock the thread?  Lucy has won.

[lucyginger]

19 minutes ago, Lubic87 said:

Nobody who remains seated to wipe their bum deserves an upvote - tactical weight shift or not!

But surely if you stand, you risk any "residue" being squished further out onto ones cheeks than if you simply shift and lift? 

I think I just invented a new thing. The Shift and Lift. 

Hahahahha!!! 

 

[lucyginger]

7 minutes ago, stuartbert two hats said:

Let my voice join the chorus commending Lucy on her shitting habits.  Everything else is just wrong.

Admin, can we lock the thread?  Lucy has won.

Glad to finally have found my purpose in life. 

[Gucci Piggy]

5 hours ago, Frankly Mr Shankly said:

Maybe not for you, you dirty bastard... But I like my dingleberries to smell like fresh cherries. 

Well even so, why are people wiping it all the way onto their balls?!

4 hours ago, Woffy said:

What percentage of sitters are readers (whilst shitting)?

Surely the standers are depriving themselves of this luxury. Surely you can't read and post on esfestivals whilst having a shit (as I am now) if you're standshitting?!

Also, what if it's a real stubborn, reluctant, shyshit or a vindapoo or a ke-poob and you need to really take your time and let your arse recover? Are you standing that whole time?

Fascinating.

Yeah my toilet time is when I relax and have a good efests catch up. 

2 hours ago, Woffy said:

At Glastonbury? So you get mud all over the seat area?

Well I would hope he doesn't have to do this at home...

1 minute ago, lucyginger said:

But surely if you stand, you risk any "residue" being squished further out onto ones cheeks than if you simply shift and lift? 

I think I just invented a new thing. The Shift and Lift. 

Hahahahha!!! 

 

Exactly my thoughts!

I do a shift but not a lift. Just shift over a little bit and use the gap that's there. 

[Frankly Mr Shankly]

4 minutes ago, Will-2609 said:

 

Well I would hope he doesn't have to do this at home...

Actually I do. It's clinically proven as the best posture to have whilst taking a shit & it works a treat for me. 

 

I don't do it at Glastonbury though for obvious reasons. 

[Lubic]

12 minutes ago, lucyginger said:

But surely if you stand, you risk any "residue" being squished further out onto ones cheeks than if you simply shift and lift? 

I think I just invented a new thing. The Shift and Lift. 

Hahahahha!!! 

 

Its not a fully upright stand, more of a lift with legs still slightly apart. Prevents squishing. I suppose we're not too far apart in our views after all!

8 minutes ago, Will-2609 said:

I do a shift but not a lift. Just shift over a little bit and use the gap that's there. 

That is just madness

[not worthy]

I admit it, I'm a stander and proud.

The one thing that never seems to happen 'ever' at Glastonbury is to have the perfect poo, the one that leaves no trace whatsoever and enters the water without so much as a splash due to being perfectly formed

[Woffy]

27 minutes ago, not worthy said:

I admit it, I'm a stander and proud.

The one thing that never seems to happen 'ever' at Glastonbury is to have the perfect poo, the one that leaves no trace whatsoever and enters the water without so much as a splash due to being perfectly formed

The technical term for this is an 'Angel'.

As in 'I gave birth to an Angel'.

So good you don't have to wipe (but do anyway).

Enters the water like a high diver who receives a perfect 10.