Overheard funnies

[sheffieldlady]

Early doors Thursday morning, group is setting up camp next to us. 

Guy: Last year I suffered from a GRI!

Girl: What is a GRI?

Guy: Glitter related injury. I had to leave Kayne because I couldn't see and wouldn't stop sobbing. Went to the medical tent where they left me waiting for hours. Turns out, I'm allergic to glitter! 

Made me giggle before going back to sleep!

[DareToDibble]

I possibly only found this funny as I was fairly drunk at the time... but when Coldplay had that brief moment before bringing out their first special guest... the girls in our group were obviously hoping for Rihanna (as rumoured).

When Barry Gibb came on my male mate turned to me and said: "Man, Rihanna looks rough..."

Spent about 10 minutes laughing at that...

[FuzzyDunlop]

Wednesday 

Some absolute whopper: "AW, NO!!! I knew I shouldn't have put these jeans on. They have got mud on them. Not sure what I'll do now"

 

 

[Quark]

The two guys in the tent behind me were good value, like a breakfast podcast.  Heard one of them trying to call florists who could deliver on Sunday as he'd forgotten his mum's birthday, while also talking to his mate about how the legoman tabs he'd dropped the previous night were all kinds of wrong.  All good until he got his conversations the wrong way round and started talking to a bemused florist about the quality of his acid trip :)

The other beauty from them was Monday morning figuring out what food they had left.

"We've got some eggs, the last of the bacon, and som ham"

"Hmm.  Eggs are good, don't fancy the bacon as it's been open since Wednesday"

"What about the ham?"

"Yeah I reckon that's good.  It can't go off as it's been cooked"

"Sweet.  Ham and eggs it is"

Edited June 30, 2016 by Quark

[evilduck]

On a Sunday morning, two young Irish guys walking behind me:

Guy 1: I really didn't expect this much mud everywhere.

Guy 2: Yeah, I thought there would be a lot more showers too.

Guy 1: I don't think I'll come back next year.

 

Also on Monday at about 3pm, just as we were leaving site with our stuff:

Guy on phone: Yeah yeah it's just kicked in. Everyone's leaving though!

[Mezhyp1]

I was hoping someone would have overheard me asking a steward in Block 9 if anyone had found some of the MDMA capsules I had misplaced, according to my friends it was a thoroughly entertaining conversation 

[JoBalls]

I heard a group by the cider bus talking about vegans when one of them said

"I don't see what their problem is with dairy products. It's not hurting any animals - if anything the cows are probably really happy because they get w*nked off every day."

[Honeybane]

'There is a cat in my tent, oh wait it might be the light. No it's a cat, and I've lost my Mandy.'

[Dr Glasto]

In the queue for the underground piano bar and a highly obnoxious bloke tries to push to the front:

Bloke: Is this the secret piano bar?

Security: No mate, it's the 'covert ivories pub' and there's a queue. 

Bloke: Ah shit. Where's the secret piano bar then?

[Dr Glasto]

18 hours ago, nidon said:

On the Sunday evening my better half was queuing at the loos when she overheard some young guy telling his mate he had just seen 'earth, heart and soul'

Ha! They might be similar to the 'Earth, Fire & Water' band I heard someone else discussing. 

[Tilted]

Guy camped next us appeared early hours with one of those flashing Coldplay wristbands on.

We invited him to pull a chair over and join us, on doing so it was highly apparent that he'd had a wee dabble of something.

My missus proceeded to tell him in a joking manner that she believed they there was some sinister motive to said wristbands, and that Coldplay where probably tracking him. 

He then appeared to become slightly paranoid, retiring to his tent. About ten minutes later we heard him from his tent saying "Chris, if you can hear me, turn this thing off mate"

Edited June 30, 2016 by Tilted

[StLewi]

"I'm gonna suck you off with my bum hole in a minute!"

[StLewi]

A girl on Friday morning waking up to the Brexit news: "Those fucking northerners, ruining it for everyone!".

Not the best thing to shout when you're camped next to three lads from Middlesbrough.

Edited June 30, 2016 by StLewi

[alibear]

3 hours ago, Tilted said:

Guy camped next us appeared early hours with one of those flashing Coldplay wristbands on.

We invited him to pull a chair over and join us, on doing so it was highly apparent that he'd had a wee dabble of something.

My missus proceeded to tell him in a joking manner that she believed they there was some sinister motive to said wristbands, and that Coldplay where probably tracking him. 

He then appeared to become slightly paranoid, retiring to his tent. About ten minutes later we heard him from his tent saying "Chris, if you can hear me, turn this thing off mate"

Spectacular!

[TheNewUnion]

Bloke 1: "I'm not taking any more drugs"

Bloke 2 in admonishing tone: "Well we've got to finish them"

Edited July 1, 2016 by TheNewUnion
Spelling and whatnot

[AiiShotTheDJ]

Forgot another one.  Walking between stages the police were handing out those little mobile phone holders for round your neck.  I watched in awe as a couple (who had clearly dabbled in one too many substances) tried for ages to work out what it was for (trying various bits and bobs in it).  "I've got it" he yelled and they proceeded to put a can of beer in it. 

[billum]

Walking down Muddy Lane one morning, overheard;

Him: Yes, my dear, I think that was probably my finest moment!

Her: Yes, dear, and so quick!

I had no idea what the actual context was, but I chuckled to myself as I imagined a couple of possible scenarios...  

[shuttlep]

b

Edited July 4, 2016 by shuttlep

[DeanoL]

On 30/06/2016 at 8:35 AM, sheffieldlady said:

Guy: Glitter related injury. I had to leave Kayne because I couldn't see and wouldn't stop sobbing. Went to the medical tent where they left me waiting for hours. Turns out, I'm allergic to glitter! 
 

Not an overheard one, but apparently Greenpeace had a VR experience thing where you could put on a VR headset and see David Attenborough do something or other. Those in front of my friends in the queue were apparently turned away because they had glitter on their faces. Thinking about it, it's obvious that glitter on eyelids/brows or in that area could scratch or damage the very sensitive lenses in the headsets - but I wonder how many mysteriously scratched lenses they went through before they figured it out...

[Charm]

11 minutes ago, DeanoL said:

Not an overheard one, but apparently Greenpeace had a VR experience thing where you could put on a VR headset and see David Attenborough do something or other. Those in front of my friends in the queue were apparently turned away because they had glitter on their faces. Thinking about it, it's obvious that glitter on eyelids/brows or in that area could scratch or damage the very sensitive lenses in the headsets - but I wonder how many mysteriously scratched lenses they went through before they figured it out...

So that's what it was, thanks, Mr Charm and I were wondering if David Attenborough was actually sitting in there all weekend as the queues for it were always massive when we went past. 
Charm x

[marcoolio]

Stood at the back of the pit in front of the Pyramid, waiting for Coldplay, as a guy (late twenties, looking completely sober) walks up and indicates he needs to be at the barrier. I make room for him as he attracts the attention of one of the security guys and says: "I need to go to the toilet."

The security guy looks puzzled, then starts to explain that the toilets are on each side of the field, and there are actually no toilets in front of the stage, even behind the security barrier. Upon which the guy asks "Well can you take me out over the barrier, so I can go to the toilet and then come back in?".

[rpfranks]

Not sure why but this tickled me. A guy and his mate walking past Pyramid stage when Caravan Palace are on.

Guy 1: "ah, this is a tune!"

Guy 2: "what is it?

Guy 1: "dunno."

 

[philipsteak]

On 30/06/2016 at 2:01 PM, Dr Glasto said:

Ha! They might be similar to the 'Earth, Fire & Water' band I heard someone else discussing. 

A friend sent a message telling us she was going to be at Wrath, Wind and Fire. 

[crocodiles]

Not an overheard one but before adele guy in his 40s came over to lean on fence by disabled viewing area so he could put his wellie back on. He was caked in mud he must have put his wellie down 15 times and kept tipping over . He was so pissed just fell over everytime he tried to put it on . Was like a laurel and Hardy sketch 

[Teddington]

On 28/06/2016 at 6:04 PM, slash's hat said:

Thank f*** for scousers .  Some very lovely scouse lads jump started my car after breaking down on the a39 after loads of others just driving on. 

Nice to see.

Scousers get a bad press.  Undeservedly so imo.  Some of the nicest people I have met come from Liverpool.