Going for a poo.

[smytho15]

I go every morning between 8-9 at the compost toilets. I even have a read of the paper there.

[Gucci Piggy]

At Leeds 2012 someone carved a lifesize picture of Thom Yorke into the wall of a portaloo in red campsite, captioned "Tom Yorke" with someone having crossed "Tom" out and corrected it to "Thom". Great scenes.

[chief_scrutter]

Don't squat on the toilets, no one wants to have to sit in the shit your muddy boots have just deposited on the seat and there's no way you're going to clean it if you're too pansy to sit already

bugger, didn't thank of that. you're so right. altho, muddy boot marks either side of the seat is definitely better than some of the nightmares I've seen. honestly, to get to glasto nowadays you need to be able to use a computer, and have access to at least the cost of a ticket. and yet some of these people, based on physical evidence, are unable to use the toilet. worrying

[Gnomicide]

Maybe this will help...

http://www.mixmag.net/read/glastonbury-makes-it-possible-to-watch-the-pyramid-stage-whilst-you-sit-on-the-loo-news

[Horror85]

Just did a practice run. Went well.

[dexydexy]

This is horsecrap

But also answers the "how to keep your shorts out of the mud/boots" question

Just spread your legs to keep your shorts from falling any further and lean forwards a bit. Noone has a gun pointing to your head forcing you to sit bolt upright.

Don't squat on the toilets, no one wants to have to sit in the shit your muddy boots have just deposited on the seat and there's no way you're going to clean it if you're too pansy to sit already

 

^this. so much this.

 

please don't squat. the absolute worst thing about the toilets last year was all the mud, fucking everywhere because of all the selfish people putting their feet there and squatting!

[balti-pie]

I find a nice big crap always aids the hangover process - a big drink, a massive turd and a cold bucket of water for a wash - then on go the clean socks and I'm brand fuckin new. Bring on the world!

[swede]

I find a nice big crap always aids the hangover process - a big drink, a massive turd and a cold bucket of water for a wash - then on go the clean socks and I'm brand fuckin new. Bring on the world!

You only wear socks but do all that in a morning before you put them on, how strange !

Edited June 19, 2015 by swede

[wilson123]

Anybody ever poo'ed in the portaloos at Benicassim? Or any other hot festival?

Now that is an experience let me tell you! The sweating, the smell etc.

 

I went in 2008 and stayed in the camp the other end of the festival, so had to get the shuttle bus or walk the mile odd there. 

 

There were cold showers on site and one by one they were put out of use by various Brits deciding to shit in them

[LynseyDiva]

The compost toilets and the flushing ones are my friends!  And if you need at night, a head torch is your best friend... or not, if you prefer to be blissfully unaware of what you're hovering over

[brightyoungthing]

Anybody ever poo'ed in the portaloos at Benicassim? Or any other hot festival?

Now that is an experience let me tell you! The sweating, the smell etc.

 

A friend of ours had gastroenteritis at Benicassim.... staying in a tent. Only left said tent to run to a boiling hot portaloo to spew and poo at the same time... he eventually gave up on the portaloo. Still makes me shudder! 

[efcfanwirral]

I genuinely don't get this whole fear of the toilets thing. As long as it's not full, which rarely happens at most modern festivals now, I can use a Portaloo no problem. Must be immune to it.

The two things people ever talk about to me are the toilets and weather. As if that's all that matters! This year Kanye gets a mention too, people who know me well inexplicably asking if I'll be watching him...

[Leggins]

Frube it out. Like push from the stomach downwards. Human frube. In extreme cases, do a manual poo. Just get up there with your fingers and pull it out. Manual. We've all done it.

And if you're female and squeamish about going up the bum then try massaging it out from the vagina.

What. The. F

[Bisque]

I love taking a poo at the long drops. I read a whole Top Gear car review in 2013 about the Ferrari FF.

[Gucci Piggy]

I love taking a poo at the long drops. I read a whole Top Gear car review in 2013 about the Ferrari FF.

 

Are you going to the eFests meet

[Simpo]

There are 1,111 compost loos this year, a festival world shitting record. You're going to make 350 tons of compost you beautiful defecating wonders you.

[Gucci Piggy]

Last year in the Back of Beyond I met a man crouched in front of the toilets watching people's shit fall through the bottom. He called his hobby "shit watching". I took that as my cue to leave.

[Keithy]

going for a poo, in the rain, using a longdrop....thats proper glastonbury. 

[frostypaw]

The compost toilets and the flushing ones are my friends!  And if you need at night, a head torch is your best friend... or not, if you prefer to be blissfully unaware of what you're hovering over

Don't frikking hover! That's the only way poo can get on the seat - idiots pooing above the seat!!!! The squatters shit on the back, the hoverers on the sides as they lean drunkenly then say oops and wander off.

This is a precious-people created problem. Noone who sits can get it on the seat it's physically impossible.

Though all this seems moot when all the talk on facebook is about poo-chairs so you sit and wee/poop in your tent.

[Spindles]

What. The. F

Thank you for being the only other person seemingly flabbergasted by those posts.

[rush2112]

I find a nice big crap always aids the hangover process - a big drink, a massive turd and a cold bucket of water for a wash - then on go the clean socks and I'm brand fuckin new. Bring on the world!

 

yip. i find im the most regular at festivals. 6-6-30am. hoodie on..up to the flushers at big ground .no queue.Sit with the Glasto programme and plan my day ahead as i dump. back to tent. 2 x deolerite in a pint of water with  a beechams .couple hours kip. brand new :-)

[seebee71]

Oh, you know what...if it's a topic about going for a poo, then it must be time to recycle my old post on taking a dump

 

 

With apologies to Mary Schmich and Baz Luhrman...

Ladies and gentlemen of the Glastonbury class of 2015. Take a dump.

If I could offer you only one tip for the toilets … crapping would be it.

The long term benefits of dumping have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of a dump; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of a dump until it has faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of a long drop and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous that dump really was…Portaloos are not as messy as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the shepees; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; that wet patch on your leg that someone points out to you at 4pm on some idle Thursday. Wear dark trousers.

Do one dump everyday that scares you. Sing. Don’t be reckless with opening long drop doors, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Ouch.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. The person next to you is not having a better dump.

Remember the clean portaloos, forget the dirty ones; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, use them as toilet paper. Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know where you want to do your dump…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 where they wanted to go, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to the back of your knees, you’ll miss them if you go properly. Maybe you’ll dump every day, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have diarrhea, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll squeeze one out at midnight, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken trying to avoid the seat…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your aim is half chance, so is everybody else’s.

Enjoy your dump, do it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest dump you’ll ever take. Dump…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own tent. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they are too slippy to use for wiping. Get to know your flushing loos, you never know when they’ll be backed up for good. Be nice to your neighbours; they are the best link to your tent and the people most likely to stick with you in the next five days.

Understand that long drops come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to keep the door closed while perched over the gaping hole.

Camp in Pennards once, but leave before it makes you hard; camp in the backstage area once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, it will rain at Glastonbury, fields are muddy, you too will need a dump, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young Glastonbury was sunny, fields were green and toilets were always sparkling. Respect the hedges.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Hover over the seat on your own. Maybe you have a roll of loo paper, maybe you have a box of wet wipes; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's Saturday, it will look rough.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. Like a wallet from the long drops. But trust me on the dump…

The above was a hastily done adaptation of the Mary Schmich article in Chicago Tribune which was turned into a song by Baz Luhrman which you can find here... http://www.youtube.c...h?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ

[Sofa]

I must say that i do lay the longest cables at Glastonbury if im honest .They just go on and on .

[Mezhyp1]

When I went to Werchter I didn't shit once at the festival, and I usually shit at least once a day. As soon as I arrived at the hotel in Brussels on the Monday I absolutely massacred the bathroom. It's probably not safe to go in there now, two years later.

The toilets in the arena at Werchter are without doubt the best festivals toilets I've ever experienced, by some margin, regularly power washed and emptied, tremendous, if timed correctly I actually prefer a shit there than in my house home

[Nutella Versace]

Massage your abdomen in a clockwise direction, then sit as upright as you can; I find putting my hands behind my head & pushing elbows back helps.

Edited June 20, 2015 by Nutella Versace