Going for a poo.

[kellly]

Hold on to the bottom of the door lean back and squat

[frostypaw]

Hold on to the bottom of the door lean back and squat

Do not be one of the selfish and inconsiderate people who does this and shits and pisses all over the seat/area for everyone else to deal with

educate yourselves ffs - there are more bacteria cells in your body than there are of your own cells - surely that warrants knowing something about them more than 'eww mommee'

[Untz]

Do not be one of the selfish and inconsiderate people who does this and shits and pisses all over the seat/area for everyone else to deal with

 

I have done this occasionally and will probably do it at this festival at some point. I don't like doing it as it's a faff and can lead to piss in the tights, but sometimes there's just too much piss on the seats to clean up. If you have to sit down to wee (I lack the skills to use a shewee) and you're weeing every hour due to beer/cider, wiping up gallons of piss every time you go to use the toilet gets very tiresome. I find I do it more at night when the amount of piss on the seats is greater and I have less tolerance for these things.

 

But if you're shitting, find a clean(er) one and sit.

[Spindles]

It would help alot if shy gentlemen would use the urinals.  I promise you, no one is looking at you pee.

[Anderson19]

Hold on..

Hold onto the bottom of the door! & just fire backwards Seriously..

[frostypaw]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ekqr7DL5mU

Fixed that for you without hovering and covering the toilet seat in piss

Hard to find clean loo seats where people have been hovering and weeing on the seats - at it's very worst with women doing it as what do you aim with to avoid hitting the seat?

Edited June 20, 2015 by frostypaw

[Untz]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ekqr7DL5mU

Fixed that for you without hovering and covering the toilet seat in piss

Hard to find clean loo seats where people have been hovering and weeing on the seats - at it's very worst with women doing it as what do you aim with to avoid hitting the seat?

 

Honestly, I've tried to use one (if only because I'd love to walk into a urinal and whip that out). But even if I could use one, I wouldn't trust myself after drinking all day. 

 

Though yes, if people just wiped up their own little spillages and sat the fuck down the toilets would be a hell of a lot better. I came across one toilet with piss on it during the two days of Field Day, and it was perfectly easy to clean up, why can't it happen at Glastonbury?

[Leggins]

I am a female and I'm sorry to say that I believe females are the main culprits in the toilets being in such a state a lot of the time. Like frosty said, our ability to aim when squatting etc is not good enough and I'm convinced it's the girls hovering and squatting that leave the toilets with piss all over the place. Use a Shewee girls. Don't squat. And for the girl suggesting that holding onto the bottom of the door and just aiming your arse in the general direction of the hole......please. No.

[st dan]

It would help alot if shy gentlemen would use the urinals. I promise you, no one is looking at you pee.

This is true!

Although last year a very drunken man stumbled into me whilst I was emptying myself in the urinals, and I came very close to losing my 'member' in the barbed wire thingy that's in the urinals .. So watch out for that one!!!

[verrymerry]

I don't really get why people don't just clean up after themselves? I mean if you squat and fail, just sort it out!  It's not even just at Glastonbury, it's where I work, with grown up responsible, but minging, people!

[RobertProsineckisLighter]

If you can't shit your obviously not drinking enough.

[jeffie]

Oh, you know what...if it's a topic about going for a poo, then it must be time to recycle my old post on taking a dump

 

 

With apologies to Mary Schmich and Baz Luhrman...

Ladies and gentlemen of the Glastonbury class of 2015. Take a dump.

If I could offer you only one tip for the toilets … crapping would be it.

The long term benefits of dumping have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of a dump; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of a dump until it has faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of a long drop and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous that dump really was…Portaloos are not as messy as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the shepees; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; that wet patch on your leg that someone points out to you at 4pm on some idle Thursday. Wear dark trousers.

Do one dump everyday that scares you. Sing. Don’t be reckless with opening long drop doors, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Ouch.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. The person next to you is not having a better dump.

Remember the clean portaloos, forget the dirty ones; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, use them as toilet paper. Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know where you want to do your dump…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 where they wanted to go, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to the back of your knees, you’ll miss them if you go properly. Maybe you’ll dump every day, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have diarrhea, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll squeeze one out at midnight, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken trying to avoid the seat…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your aim is half chance, so is everybody else’s.

Enjoy your dump, do it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest dump you’ll ever take. Dump…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own tent. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they are too slippy to use for wiping. Get to know your flushing loos, you never know when they’ll be backed up for good. Be nice to your neighbours; they are the best link to your tent and the people most likely to stick with you in the next five days.

Understand that long drops come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to keep the door closed while perched over the gaping hole.

Camp in Pennards once, but leave before it makes you hard; camp in the backstage area once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, it will rain at Glastonbury, fields are muddy, you too will need a dump, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young Glastonbury was sunny, fields were green and toilets were always sparkling. Respect the hedges.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Hover over the seat on your own. Maybe you have a roll of loo paper, maybe you have a box of wet wipes; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's Saturday, it will look rough.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. Like a wallet from the long drops. But trust me on the dump…

The above was a hastily done adaptation of the Mary Schmich article in Chicago Tribune which was turned into a song by Baz Luhrman which you can find here... http://www.youtube.c...h?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ

 

Epic!!

[hypnotiseme]

I found squatting difficult on the trains in India. Even though they have 'Western Style Toilets,' they were often rammed with smoking natives (it's illegal and finable to smoke on trains or in the vicinity of the stations) as they were bigger, therefore fitting more people in, and to avoid the conductors and their fines. The squatting loos were simply a hole cut out so you can see the tracks whistling by. Whilst squatting for a number 2, a stone flew up the hole - I'm guessing it was knocked by one of the train wheels - and hit me on the bum. As you can probably imagine, this caused me to jump and some of my poo that I was halfway through landed on my heel and went in my sandals. Add in the extreme heat, the lack of air-conditioning, a dodgey stomach from a couple of months traveling, the endless mosquitoes and the juddering movements of the train, it all made for a pretty traumatic experience. . .

Glastonbury is positively tame in comparison.

Edited June 20, 2015 by hypnotiseme

[kerplunk]

going for a poo, in the rain, using a longdrop....thats proper glastonbury. 

 

Miserable poo experience last year - desperate to go I had to dive in a longdrop in the rain, no time to dry the seat so just gritted my teeth and plonked my arse down. Then along comes an idiot with a pressure washer cleaning the muddy floors and I thought 'surely he'll see my feet', but no - rain from above and a blast of muddy spray from below! Lovely. In response to my exasperated cursing all I got back was an indifferent 'oh there's someone in that one...' Bastard.

[frostypaw]

going for a poo, in the rain, using a longdrop....thats proper glastonbury.

Missed this.

One of my favourite stories someone told of last year was walking to go to the loo after the morning downpour to find a girl drenched head to toe carrying disintegrating loo roll heading in the other direction. Their eyes met and she grunted the immortal words "Worst. Poo. Ever."

[slash's hat]

I bought some disposable toilet seat covers. Will they be much use?

[johnmcga]

I bought some disposable toilet seat covers. Will they be much use?

I guess you could fashion some kind of waterproof hat out of them.

[slash's hat]

I guess you could fashion some kind of waterproof hat out of them.

Not sure that will work, they have a hole in the middle

[jeffie]

I bought some disposable toilet seat covers. Will they be much use?

 

Depends what you're going to use them for?

[Hugh Jass]

Not sure that will work, they have a hole in the middle

Will they not fit around the top of your hat and keep the brim nicely dry?

[slash's hat]

Will they not fit around the top of your hat and keep the brim nicely dry?[/quote

]good idea, could just stuff the rest in the top to absorb moisture. Sorted

[jeffie]

 

You could line your hat and poo in that?

[Badlands]

Anyone else find the urinals up Acoustic way weird. Being able to make eye contact with people while having a slash is just strange!!

[jeffie]

Anyone else find the urinals up Acoustic way weird. Being able to make eye contact with people while having a slash is just strange!!

 

Just stare at people dicks, way easier than making eye contact.

[Spindles]

Anyone else find the urinals up Acoustic way weird. Being able to make eye contact with people while having a slash is just strange!!

There used to some like that on Glade crossroads, but they got ripped up the other year midway through the festival and replaced with troughs.  I was gutted, I loved stood there peeing and watching the world go by, the giggling girls who thought it was hysterical and everything about it.  Staring at some blue sheeting and chicken wire is not half so much fun.