Going for a poo.

[Pinhead]

Loperamide is your friend...

[Gucci Piggy]

Last year on the Saturday (I think) morning, I dashed to the toilets in a short break in the pissing rain (was camped right near the flushing ones), and as soon as I got there the downpour resumed. I just remember sitting there for around half an hour being deafened below a corrugated iron roof, texting my brother about my schedule for the day. I wasn't leaving until that rain stopped.

[st dan]

Anybody ever poo'ed in the portaloos at Benicassim? Or any other hot festival?

Now that is an experience let me tell you! The sweating, the smell etc.

[bexj]

Look out for the loo cleaners, when they've just been done, then you could eat your dinner off them.

Anyone remember the friendly loo in the longdrops on the railway track by the greenpeace field? The one that had wallpaper on the walls, a nice roll of paper and air freshener? Or was i imagining it?

[waynewdk]

Yes, this is a topic all about poo. I'm sorry if that upsets you.

I always struggle with pooing at Glastonbury. I think it's a combination of poor diet, alcohol consumption and fear of the filthy portaloos. Last time I didn't poo for 6 days and I felt awful.

So, any tips for overcoming that mental block and maintaining a functional bowel?

bloody hell, I poo about 6 times a day

[showmethestones]

Shit in a bag, take it to the pyramid stage 10pm Saturday, launch it at the bellend on stage, result

[waynewdk]

Any tips on keeping cool, while dropping, also when u drop ur shorts,tips on them not touching floor and getting muddy from ur boots?

[Gucci Piggy]

Any tips on keeping cool, while dropping, also when u drop ur shorts,tips on them not touching floor and getting muddy from ur boots?

Oh this is a nightmare. At Leeds 2013 the site was flooded, including the toilets in the arena, where it presumably wasn't just mud floating around your ankles. I tried so hard to hold my shorts above the wet muddy substance on my wellies but failed, and ended up having to put them back on with wet mud/shit on the inside of the legs.

[waynewdk]

I went to loo once,it was the wheely bin style, did my business and I heard someone say one is leaking, a toilet cleaner went round the back and kicked all the bins to check if they was leaking,1 second after I got of the pot,he got to mine and kicked it,luckily I was no longer seated,as what looked like a water fountain of sh@t shot straight up,

Edited June 19, 2015 by waynewdk

[Gnomicide]

3 pages and no mention of a plastic pint glass pot cup receptacle? 

 

Disappointing. 

[parsonjack]

Take an old camping chair

Cut a hole in the seat.

Line an empty 20 crate of strongbow with carrier bag

Place said lined crate under hole in chair

Poo in the comfort of your tent conservatory.

The detail in this suggests it's unfortunately not a joke.....

[Boopickledaddy]

Stick a kinder egg in a condom and shove it up yer arse.

Well I'm not going to be eating any discarded Kinder eggs I find around the site this year. I did wonder why Glastonbury was having a late Easter egg hunt last year and now regret eating all those melted eggs I found, oh well shit happens

[waynewdk]

Well I'm not going to be eating any discarded Kinder eggs I find around the site this year. I did wonder why Glastonbury was having a late Easter egg hunt last year and now regret eating all those melted eggs I found, oh well shit happens

fart and I'll get a right surprise

[Staff_Sav]

I wrap my arms tight around my tummy and squeeze my arms whilst pushing it out. I find I csn get more out that way, and then don't have as much need to waste more valuable time having to go as frequently. I think of it like when you squeeze one of those icing things for decorating cakes

[waynewdk]

I wrap my arms tight around my tummy and squeeze my arms whilst pushing it out. I find I csn get more out that way, and then don't have as much need to waste more valuable time having to go as frequently. I think of it like when you squeeze one of those icing things for decorating cakes

So you can do pretty patterns then, mines more like a pebble dashing technique after alcohol

Edited June 19, 2015 by waynewdk

[little_jim]

There is normaly one of those stools (excuse the pun) selling all sorts of fruit smoothies, not only a good wake up kick in the morning after a large intake of alcohol it can usually shake up your bowels too.

[Horror85]

I love taking a dump. Can't wait to have a daily dump, daily. 

[swede]

It's all about a tactical poo.

If you're struggling to go .. Try and arrange it for 5am/6am on the way back to the tent. Usually very quiet around then so you can feel more relaxed about going.

Not if your absolutely Gillespied off more than booze, pooing with a wrecked head is not good.

[Gucci Piggy]

I fell asleep in a portaloo in the silent disco at Leeds fest on Sunday night for an hour and when I woke up there was a crowd of people banging on the door trying to find out who the passed out guy was. My friend's were part of the crowd and were amazed when I walked out.

[frostypaw]

loving the enthusiasm!

 

but actually, what glastonlocal said is right: "practice a decent squatting technique". basically, us in the western world have got it all wrong - there's a kink in the human digestive tract that makes it more difficult to empty when standing or sitting, which is normally helpful. if you squat, it straightens the kink.

 

BUT you do need to practice, otherwise you will end up being one of those utter cretins who manages to poo everywhere except the hole.

This is horsecrap

But also answers the "how to keep your shorts out of the mud/boots" question

Just spread your legs to keep your shorts from falling any further and lean forwards a bit. Noone has a gun pointing to your head forcing you to sit bolt upright.

Don't squat on the toilets, no one wants to have to sit in the shit your muddy boots have just deposited on the seat and there's no way you're going to clean it if you're too pansy to sit already

[Stokesy10]

Frube it out. Like push from the stomach downwards. Human frube. In extreme cases, do a manual poo. Just get up there with your fingers and pull it out. Manual. We've all done it.

[Untz]

If you're having trouble and you want to squat, there are squatting toilets in the King's Meadow.

[Untz]

Frube it out. Like push from the stomach downwards. Human frube. In extreme cases, do a manual poo. Just get up there with your fingers and pull it out. Manual. We've all done it.

 

And if you're female and squeamish about going up the bum then try massaging it out from the vagina.

[swede]

This is horsecrap

But also answers the "how to keep your shorts out of the mud/boots" question

Just spread your legs to keep your shorts from falling any further and lean forwards a bit. Noone has a gun pointing to your head forcing you to sit bolt upright.

Don't squat on the toilets, no one wants to have to sit in the shit your muddy boots have just deposited on the seat and there's no way you're going to clean it if you're too pansy to sit already

Plus theres always some wrecked fools who try the squatting technique year after year resulting in curling a long one out on the back of the seat. I come across this sight at least once a year when going to the toilet. Fucking grim !

[grumpyhack]

Carry a plentiful supply of loo paper and hand sanitiser with you so you are ready to go when the moment arrives.  And, yes, if you can catch the loos just after the cleaning squad has visited all the better.