Going for a poo.

[Jamie Patrick]

Yes, this is a topic all about poo. I'm sorry if that upsets you.

 

I always struggle with pooing at Glastonbury. I think it's a combination of poor diet, alcohol consumption and fear of the filthy portaloos. Last time I didn't poo for 6 days and I felt awful.

 

So, any tips for overcoming that mental block and maintaining a functional bowel?

[H.M.V]

Coffee and flushing toilets up by big ground! 

Edited June 19, 2015 by H.M.V

[chief_scrutter]

botchilism should sort you out.

[The Placid Casual]

Stick a kinder egg in a condom and shove it up yer arse.

[Glastonlocal]

practice a decent squatting technique. Ideally a few weeks out from the festival. You've left it late but if you put the hours in over the weekend, you should be ok. 

[Jimmyeatspeople]

One of my favorite parts of the day at Glastonbury. 

When you're in that sprawl of non stop madness for 6 days, the peace and tranquility caused by the clanging of the doors and the breeze around your ankles is so refreshing. 

It's not like the long drops even smell that bad most of the time. 

 

Edit: OR alternatively stick a Kinder egg up your arse.

Edited June 19, 2015 by Jimmyeatspeople

[A Guy Called Matt]

The compost loos are fine

[Staff_Sav]

I couldn't poo for a couple of days last year because of something I took. I kept trying but nothing came out, but when it did.......

[Quark]

Open a tin of tuna when you arrive, and leave it in a carrier bag in the sun for a couple of days. Eat that and you should have no problems.  Except stopping.

[nikkic]

Failing the Kinder Egg suppository, most times being constipated is down to lack of fibre and being dehydrated. So eat some vegetables and neck some H20!

 

Failing all of the above a double espresso should do the trick!

[teamsofa]

Caffeine and THC when you wake up.

[joy114]

My husband struggles with toilet fear, he recommends plenty of cider, the farmhouse from Avalon Bar is good, and the flushing loos.

[tom22]

Hit the compost loos at 8am. Just like a big raised up toilet throne in the air.

[Cammers]

Take an old camping chair
Cut a hole in the seat.

Line an empty 20 crate of strongbow with carrier bag

Place said lined crate under hole in chair

Poo in the comfort of your tent conservatory.

[Hugh Jass]

Just get on with it, it's not going to kill you. Going to the toilet is such a tiny part of your day why let it bother you?

[Jamie Patrick]

I love you all.

 

The Kinder egg in a condom trick sounds the most fun so I'll try that. Thanks!

[carlosj]

Just get on with it, it's not going to kill you. Going to the toilet is such a tiny part of your day why let it bother you?

I don't know, I reckon each long drop is going to have 5 people outside or inside recording the door clang for an hour or so.

[swede]

I see we're getting to that point where we are running out of new things to talk about.

Joking aside, some good coffee first thing should do the trick

Edited June 19, 2015 by swede

[chief_scrutter]

The Kinder egg in a condom trick sounds the most fun so I'll try that. Thanks!

 

loving the enthusiasm!

 

but actually, what glastonlocal said is right: "practice a decent squatting technique". basically, us in the western world have got it all wrong - there's a kink in the human digestive tract that makes it more difficult to empty when standing or sitting, which is normally helpful. if you squat, it straightens the kink.

 

BUT you do need to practice, otherwise you will end up being one of those utter cretins who manages to poo everywhere except the hole.

[LadyP]

A friend of mine had the same problem for several years, then she discovered the flushing loos at Big Ground and problem solved. She just took herself off there each day and felt much better for it!

 

Personally I love a longdrop first thing in the morning and have never had any issues but for some people the psychological blockage can cause serious problems, it can't be healthy to be carrying all that around with you for 5 days!!

[ivan]

Here is a tale from my first Glastonbury in 1999.

 

I went down with a mate in his 1970's vw camper van and he brought a mate Vic

 

Vic looked like a 6 foot Ashley Cole but with died blonde hair.

 

Whilst we were in boarding shorts and t shirts Vic y wore tight white jeans and a sparkly top for the rave tents.

 

Anyways the loo rules on the camper van was like a Tour Bus - Number ones only if you were desperate. . 

 

One day Vic came back to the van asking to use the loo for a number 2 but this was refused by my mate.  Vic wandered off then returned a bit later to say that he really needed to go but could not use any of the portaloos .  Again his request was denied.  So he kept wandering off and coming back getting more anxious by the minute.  In the end he was told to go and try the woods - he returned to say there were other people in the woods and he did not wish to be seen.  Another request to use the camper van loo was denied so in desperation he went back into the woods but walked quite far into them.  He returned smiling but with grass and mud stains on his lovely white trousers

[semmtexx]

Few years ago I went on holiday to Everest. Only squat toilets. Some had an amazing view of the mountains as you took a shit. Really quite an amazing dump. Anyhow. Squatting isn't so difficult so long as you can balance. If you hold on to something in front of you you can pretty much relax. And let rip. On that holiday I ate tons of high fibre veg as we walked miles and was always famished at the end of the day. My dumps were the size of that one in Jurassic Park...

[Spindles]

Nice morning walk, cuppa and a spliff, then I'm good to go, longdrops are fine because of the fresh air blowing through, I would never shit in a portaloo.

[TheNewUnion]

Peanuts

Real Ale

Veggie diet (I'm not a veggie but eat more veggie at Glasto)

Plenty of water

You'll be fine.

Compost loos are decent and the flushies are there if need be. Witt not.

[GlastoSimon]

I don't know, I reckon each long drop is going to have 5 people outside or inside recording the door clang for an hour or so.

 

Or searching for the new secret area at the portaloos...