How do you feel?

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

1 hour ago, Wellyboot said:

Sorry to hear this Yog. Regardless of how your relationship was like others have said it can be a tricky time. I really hope you look after yourself and I hope that you're ok x

Hello Wellyboot,

I've never looked after myself in my life, so can't do so now.  lol   I'm OK though, really. Thanks.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

1 hour ago, gigpusher said:

So sorry to hear and even more sorry that he wasn't the father you deserved. Grief is a funny thing and you may find you grieve the person he was and the person you wish he was. Just remember however you feel is ok. Sending virtual hugs to you. These things can sometimes be even worse when there are complicated family dynamics. 

Thanks for your condolences gigpusher. I'm actually surreally OK at the moment. I think that'll change though, as I swing from good memories to bad. I'm not going to beat myself up over me and his differences though. He was him, and I am me, and that's that.

[gigpusher]

Just now, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

Thanks for your condolences gigpusher. I'm actually surreally OK at the moment. I think that'll change though, as I swing from good memories to bad. I'm not going to beat myself up over me and his differences though. He was him, and I am me, and that's that.

Yes as I have mentioned before I have a very complicated relationship with my mother (not spoken to her in 15 years) and I like to think I won't be too bothered at all when she dies as she has in all meaningful ways been dead to me for a long time but I do know people who have been through similar who have actually been really devastated and others who haven't been bothered at all. The key thing to remember is whatever way you feel is ok. Grief is a very complicated thing. 

[oneeye]

Respectful condolences to you there Yogs, never a good time, but from experience time does move on. I never had / have a particularly strong relationship with my parents, mum died 20 years ago, not a tear shed by me, just a little sadness, human nature, but certainly no regrets.  My dad is still going; I keep an eye on him out of human kindness, nothing more. Don't dwell on the past, what's done is done, remember the good stuff and filter out the shit, life jogs on. Raise a glass to your Dad, support those who need supporting in these sad and surreal times and when the time is right move on with your life. Obviously if this sounds a load of old bollocks then ignore 😎

[Homer]

Sorry to hear that - I always think it's best to go with how you are feeling and don't try and 'second guess' your emotions. If you feel like crying, go with it and get it out; if you feel good, don't feel guilty about it (it'll turn up at some point anyway). It'll level out naturally at some point.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

2 hours ago, gigpusher said:

Yes as I have mentioned before I have a very complicated relationship with my mother (not spoken to her in 15 years) and I like to think I won't be too bothered at all when she dies as she has in all meaningful ways been dead to me for a long time but I do know people who have been through similar who have actually been really devastated and others who haven't been bothered at all. The key thing to remember is whatever way you feel is ok. Grief is a very complicated thing. 

Yes, I do recall you mentioning about you and your mom's relationship / non relationship. I guess that with my dad's it was never for that amount of time. We certainly had long periods of not talking etc though. I expect to be bombarded with varying emotions at some point, but I'm oddly tranquil now.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

2 hours ago, oneeye said:

Respectful condolences to you there Yogs, never a good time, but from experience time does move on. I never had / have a particularly strong relationship with my parents, mum died 20 years ago, not a tear shed by me, just a little sadness, human nature, but certainly no regrets.  My dad is still going; I keep an eye on him out of human kindness, nothing more. Don't dwell on the past, what's done is done, remember the good stuff and filter out the shit, life jogs on. Raise a glass to your Dad, support those who need supporting in these sad and surreal times and when the time is right move on with your life. Obviously if this sounds a load of old bollocks then ignore 😎

Hello oneeye,

Yes, I'm keeping my thought confined to the nice memories. My anger has gone now, so there's no point in me keeping it going, so wont be doing that - if I can help it. Thanks for the condolences. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

51 minutes ago, Homer said:

Sorry to hear that - I always think it's best to go with how you are feeling and don't try and 'second guess' your emotions. If you feel like crying, go with it and get it out; if you feel good, don't feel guilty about it (it'll turn up at some point anyway). It'll level out naturally at some point.

Thanks Homer. 

I'm just going to have to stay on my surboard when it comes to emotions. I'm quite stable now, but simply can't think that that is going to last. I've got to go and see my mom tomorrow. She's got early dementia, so she's coming in and out of consciousness about it according to my brothers. My mom and dad were childhood sweethearts and loved each other dearly. I guess I got lucky on that one.

[Ayrshire Chris]

8 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

My dad died in his sleep last night. We never did get to resolve our differences. That's a shame, but I'm not going to fret over it for the rest of my own life. I gave him many chances but he never took them, and in effect, insisted on being the brutal man that he often was.

Sorry to hear that, you gave him chances so you have no need to carry any burden of guilt or remorse. You may feel numb and have mixed emotions but time to move on. Take care.

[MrZigster]

12 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

My dad died in his sleep last night. We never did get to resolve our differences. That's a shame, but I'm not going to fret over it for the rest of my own life. I gave him many chances but he never took them, and in effect, insisted on being the brutal man that he often was.

@Yoghurt on a Sticksorry to hear about this.

We have discussed our troubled relationships with our respective parents on here before at least once or twice.

I (kind of) accepted a long time ago that I will never ever resolve my differences with my Mum. It's still never stopped me from trying though : For some ridiculous reason I still hold out some hope that I might get through. I'm still trying to reason with her ridiculously unreasonable unreasonableness. We're like reverse magnet poles (though she insists it's because we're "too alike"). It is, indeed, a shame. I try not to fret about it, but it does get to you.

So many chances. I always try to stay calm, but always end up getting screamed at or criticised or gaslighted or blamed or abused somehow.

Brutal is a good descriptive word. As is spiteful.

_____________________________________________________

I've been trying to post in this thread for a long time. These are indeed tough times and you put it so well in this earlier post:

 

On 12/10/2020 at 1:57 AM, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

I don't know what to say really. I guess if I'm honest, I'm punch drunk from having loads of shit to deal with on my plate. The existence of covid throughout this was a nice additional touch by God, I reckon. 

So God ( You big bloody bastard), have a bit of this;

 

 

_________________________________

It's been a shit year for everyone, to the extent that we may feel guilty for feeling sorry for ourselves, but it's OK to acknowledge that we may , individually, have way more extra personal shit to deal with than others right now.

I'll stop typing now. Right place but wrong time for my problems.

Condolences your way.

 

 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

10 minutes ago, MrZigster said:

@Yoghurt on a Sticksorry to hear about this.

We have discussed our troubled relationships with our respective parents on here before at least once or twice.

I (kind of) accepted a long time ago that I will never ever resolve my differences with my Mum. It's still never stopped me from trying though : For some ridiculous reason I still hold out some hope that I might get through. I'm still trying to reason with her ridiculously unreasonable unreasonableness. We're like reverse magnet poles (though she insists it's because we're "too alike"). It is, indeed, a shame. I try not to fret about it, but it does get to you.

So many chances. I always try to stay calm, but always end up getting screamed at or criticised or gaslighted or blamed or abused somehow.

Brutal is a good descriptive word. As is spiteful.

_____________________________________________________

I've been trying to post in this thread for a long time. These are indeed tough times and you put it so well in this earlier post:

 

_________________________________

It's been a shit year for everyone, to the extent that we may feel guilty for feeling sorry for ourselves, but it's OK to acknowledge that we may , individually, have way more extra personal shit to deal with than others right now.

I'll stop typing now. Right place but wrong time for my problems.

Condolences your way.

 

 

Hello MrZigster,

Thanks for your condolences, and for being so open about your own relationship with your mother. The thing is with me, if it weren't for my total faith in my mom's virtue, you'd think that I was the milk man's the way my dad treated me. He also treated my older brothers with a certain amount of brutality. My one youngest brother got away with it because of his age. Now, it's that which I had (and still have) a problem with. To me a father would lay down his life for his own son or daughter. My dad got caught out lying about me because that was, to his eyes, the only way he was going to win his argument w3ith this person. Can you imagine that your own dad would say negative things (actual lies) about you in order to save his own face? My dad was a rich man and thought that money was everything. He came from poverty like we'd never know, so I understand that a little. However, I never did understand , and now never will, is why he was such a brutal man. I know he's only just died but there's no point in me pretending that he wasn't a complete savage a lot of the time.

[MrZigster]

8 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

Hello MrZigster,

... To me a father would lay down his life for his own son or daughter. My dad got caught out lying about me because that was, to his eyes, the only way he was going to win his argument w3ith this person. Can you imagine that your own dad would say negative things (actual lies) about you in order to save his own face?

Oh I don't have to imagine. Some people will do anything to save their own face and perceived standing.

Shit has hit the fan here this morning. It's going to be a long weekend.

I am feeling justifiably angry right now. May have a rant in another thread later if I find the time.

[Wellyboot]

I hope you're all doing ok x

[oneeye]

Now this is a train set 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-55246642

 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

10 minutes ago, oneeye said:

Now this is a train set 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-55246642

 

I'll see you your train set and raise you with this one (see below) - less than 5 minutes drive away from me. I tried to book a meal on it once for me and my wife. I think it was only about February time, and it had already sold out for the whole year!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2A6PYKsIRoI&feature=emb_title

[funkychick2007]

For me and my fellow colleagues on the frontline services and volunteer services ensuring vulnerable adults and children have a Happy and Safe Christmas we need some positivity!!! We are all exhausted and many of us will be working through the holiday season!!! 
From me to them!!! You are all bloody amazing!!! 😘

[PDAD]

Keep on keeping on folks. We will be back in a field together soon. 

 

[funkychick2007]

5 minutes ago, PDAD said:

Keep on keeping on folks. We will be back in a field together soon. 

 

That positivity we needed!!! This is it!!! 👍🏻💖

[Punksnotdead]

9 hours ago, funkychick2007 said:

For me and my fellow colleagues on the frontline services and volunteer services ensuring vulnerable adults and children have a Happy and Safe Christmas we need some positivity!!! We are all exhausted and many of us will be working through the holiday season!!! 
From me to them!!! You are all bloody amazing!!! 😘

Thank you - you are very much appreciated! I'm on the frontline too but thankfully I've got 11 days off between xmas eve & Jan 4th. Massive thanks to everyone who've kept the country running this last 9 months - shame the government doesn't appreciate you as much!!!!!

[Ozanne]

I might not always know what to say or how to say things in the best way but if anyone needs to talk or get drunk virtually online over the next few days and weeks please let me know! I’d be happy to help.

[Kalopsia]

Feeling pretty shite after yesterday's news and then to wake up to this comment on one of my tweets makes me feel completely awful. 

But regardless! I'm really hoping for a better year. 

[Ozanne]

11 minutes ago, Kalopsia said:

Feeling pretty shite after yesterday's news and then to wake up to this comment on one of my tweets makes me feel completely awful. 

But regardless! I'm really hoping for a better year. 

Report that type of rubbish mate. 

[Kalopsia]

12 minutes ago, Ozanne said:

Report that type of rubbish mate. 

Yea I have thought twitter are really bad at responding to this stuff. 

Hope you're ok Ozanne? 

[Ozanne]

16 minutes ago, Kalopsia said:

Yea I have thought twitter are really bad at responding to this stuff. 

Hope you're ok Ozanne? 

They take an age to look into those things, but the time they get back to you, you’ve forgotten about it 😂

Yeah I’m ok thanks mate, you?

[zero000]

I feel a bit crap. Had a tight chest for a couple of days, which I’ve assumed was anxiety but now I’ve started to cough and I’m booked in for a test this afternoon.