2021 Headliners

[Homer]

1 hour ago, Quark said:

Can't speak for Hugh, but my speciality is trying to perform fudge fixes on stuff that people have already fucked up.  If Emily were to promise Black Lace the headline slot for £5m, then come to me a week before the fest and ask me to get Prince for £1m, then we're in my wheelhouse.

Footnote - enough of the procurement gags.  My entire career is a joke already, trying to actually perform it on one screen while being ripped for it on another is a bit much even for me. 

'Great' news, I have used my furlough time productively and have found what are claimed to be the top 10 procurement jokes of all time. I'm not sure I even understand half of these - but am sure for you guys there are absolutely side-splitting (apologies, you've prob heard them all before)!
 

Top 10 supply chain jokes.  Apologies in advance if you find this offensive.  I do believe there is value in forecasting...

1. What do you get if you play a supply chain country song backwards? You get your revenue back, you get your margin back, you get your on-time deliver back…
2. How many supply chain planners does it take to change a light bulb? None, the light bulbs are late.
3. What’s the difference between big foot and an accurate forecast? Big foot has been sighted.
4. Why is it better to have a woman as the buyer? Because a male buyer will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
5. Why is it better to have a man as the buyer? Because a female buyer will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t need but is on sale.
6. The easiest way to find that missing inventory is to place a new PO.
7. Demand forecasters are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
8. Employer: “For this buyer’s job, we need someone who is responsible.” Applicant: “I’m the one you want. In my last procurement job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible.”
9. If you’re a supplier and you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of delivery dates.
10. There are two theories to getting an accurate forecast. Neither one works.

[dentalplan]

Latest Tame Impala album flopped.

[misterplow]

Just now, dentalplan said:

Latest Tame Impala album flopped.

Weren't you the one who called Lorde's second album a flop too? 😅

The Slow Rush did just fine. 

[Hugh Jass]

1 hour ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

Can the Procurement lads sort out 3 decent headliners for us?

The good news is that I got you Fleetwood Mac.

The bad news is I kinda blew the budget whilst negotiating so the other two headliners are James Arthur and The Kaiser Chiefs.

[dentalplan]

2 minutes ago, misterplow said:

Weren't you the one who called Lorde's second album a flop too? 😅

The Slow Rush did just fine. 

Yeah they both flopped but Tame Impala won’t even get the critical salvation that Melodrama did.

It did fine for a band of their size maybe, but for an act supposedly punching for headline slots it hit well below what’s needed.

[jparx]

3 minutes ago, misterplow said:

Weren't you the one who called Lorde's second album a flop too? 😅

The Slow Rush did just fine. 

Looks like it peaked at number 3 in the UK, same as Currents. Didn't set the world on fire but I don't think something can be a flop if it charted the same as the previous record?

[dentalplan]

9 minutes ago, jparx said:

Looks like it peaked at number 3 in the UK, same as Currents. Didn't set the world on fire but I don't think something can be a flop if it charted the same as the previous record?

Currents was a sleeper hit though. Stayed on the chart for ages. Nobody was talking about them hitting the heights of Other headliner before that came out. If The Slow Rush was supposed to be building on that success, it hasn’t. Fell straight out of the charts as people stopped spinning it.

Why so scared of albums being labelled ‘flop’ though? It doesn’t sentence their career to a death, it just means their trajectory stalls or dips a little.

Edited July 13, 2020 by dentalplan

[CaledonianGonzo]

Didn't it also land badly with a sizable chunk of their fanbase who can't deal with music that doesn't prominently feature guitars.

[dentalplan]

51 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

Didn't it also land badly with a sizable chunk of their fanbase who can't deal with music that doesn't prominently feature guitars.

Currents? I think it freaked them out at first but when everyone started loving it, they had returned to point out that, while Currents was good, the earlier albums reigned superior.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Sorry, I meant the new one that arrived DOA

[dentalplan]

7 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

Sorry, I meant the new one that arrived DOA

I see. No I think the backlash on Currents was from people expecting guitars and then the backlash on The Slow Rush was from people expecting it to be any good.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Poor Tame Impala. Can't do anything right 😔

[Tuna]

They should have just called it 'The Slow', am I right!?

[Clarence Clemons]

3 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

Poor Tame Impala. Can't do anything right 😔

Not on this forum they can't!

[misterplow]

1 hour ago, dentalplan said:

Yeah they both flopped

When is an album successful then? What are your criteria? I mean, the chances that Melodrama or Slow Rush hit the same heights than their predecessors is always going to be very, very slim no? 

[Tuna]

Tame Impala's new record was a commercial flop, but went down a storm with elevator manufacturers worldwide.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Maybe the man from off of Tame Impala could improve their live show by dressing up like Bumblebee Man from the Simpsons and spending the gig being chased around by someone with a giant fly swat.

[Matt42]

I really liked it 

[dentalplan]

1 minute ago, misterplow said:

When is an album successful then? What are your criteria? I mean, the chances that Melodrama or Slow Rush hit the same heights than their predecessors is always going to be very, very slim no? 

Acts in the ascendancy usually improve on previous releases and each of those acts were touted as just that!

[squirrelarmy]

1 hour ago, Hugh Jass said:

The good news is that I got you Fleetwood Mac.

The bad news is I kinda blew the budget whilst negotiating so the other two headliners are James Arthur and The Kaiser Chiefs.

Sounds perfect. Two nights at the pyramid and one in the naughty corner. 

[Quark]

Just now, squirrelarmy said:

Sounds perfect. Two nights at the pyramid and one in the naughty corner. 

I know KC would be one of yours. I just really, really hope FM would be the other

[CaledonianGonzo]

Who would win in a fight between Tame Impala and the Kaiser Chiefs?

[Quark]

3 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

Who would win in a fight between Tame Impala and the Kaiser Chiefs?

Chiefs. Ricky would just WOOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHH Parker into submission

[squirrelarmy]

2 minutes ago, Quark said:

I know KC would be one of yours. I just really, really hope FM would be the other

FM are a band I really want to see but haven’t managed to make it to one of their gigs. 
 

I know Ricky likes to run around the stage, he’ll have to work on his cardio before taking on the pyramid. 

3 minutes ago, CaledonianGonzo said:

Who would win in a fight between Tame Impala and the Kaiser Chiefs?

Kaisers are from Leeds so that’s no contest at all. 

[zeppelin]

1 minute ago, squirrelarmy said:

Kaisers are from Leeds so that’s no contest at all. 

Harsh but understandable to hold that against them.