Clueless Independent Article

[EMorgz92]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/glastonbury-festival-2019-guide-tips-packing-camping-location-music-wellies-a8945571.html%3famp

Came across this article as a suggested read on Facebook- but can't help thinking it's really odd?! Clearly written by someone who has never been and just read the stories online from previous years.

1. Bring baby wipes - clearly against the message of this year's festival

2. Don't buy food when hungover... now this one I really can't comprehend 

3. Don't bring tomato juice as you can pay £10 for one on site.. is this.. advice?! I'm so baffled by this comment.

Thoughts?! 

[Spindles]

That article is pure arse-leakage.  From the multiple pictures of Kate feckin' Moss through to encouraging daisy chains as a way to get through crowds.  Get in the fucking sea.

[EasyUserName]

I want to meet "Becky from Dorset and the rest of her "Brunch Babes" WhatsApp Group" 

Sounds very "on trend".

 

I used to love buying the print version of The Independent over any other paper. What is in a name, these days.

[HotChipWillBreakYourLegs]

I would definitely have brought at least two tubs of fresh Madagascan vanilla custard to Glasto if it weren't for this article. 

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

My only explanation is that we have truly reached ‘Judgement day’ and this was written entirely by a bot. 

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

The worst and most telling part about it for me is they are actually advocating this abhorrent practice, normally the exclusive preserve of 14 year old girls: 

But if your crew consists of 12+ people, you need to get savvy. Hold hands and wind your way through like a human chain. Watch out for death stares from the aggrieved spectators you’re passing, though. And when more than five people have muttered ”selfish millennials” at you under their breath, you know you’ve gone too far.

[gizmoman]

This seems to be Olivia's sole camping experience, no festival pics at all on her instagram. No wonder the article is such a disaster.

 

[HotChipWillBreakYourLegs]

I'm a selfish millennial but I don't have 12 friends to make a human chain.  What can I do to piss people off? 

[gooner1990]

https://twitter.com/oliviapetter1

Her twitter account seems to suggest she watches Love Island.

Enough said!

[Flysheet]

Fucking clickbait 

[EasyUserName]

3 minutes ago, HotChipWillBreakYourLegs said:

I'm a selfish millennial but I don't have 12 friends to make a human chain.  What can I do to piss people off? 

I can lend you my children? They are both young and piss people off!  

[semmtexx]

32 minutes ago, Deaf Nobby Burton said:

My only explanation is that we have truly reached ‘Judgement day’ and this was written entirely by a bot. 

I think you might be right. Don't normally mind the talking up of things or people saying different to what the 'in crowd' think (whoever they are) but this is a load of drivel. Makes me actively not want to go!!! 

[Chris;]

I'm not too sure if this is a poor attempt at satire, it does seem it in parts ? trust me like the sunscreen.

[HotChipWillBreakYourLegs]

2 minutes ago, EasyUserName said:

I can lend you my children? They are both young and piss people off!  

If it means I get to watch Bodger and Badger then fine. 

[Heartbreaker]

"Bring snacks. Ideally small ones that can fit in your wellies "

Yes, I too frequently see people crouched down by the Pyramid stage, reaching into their wellies and pulling out a melted mars bar and pack of mini cheddars!!

[EasyUserName]

1 minute ago, HotChipWillBreakYourLegs said:

If it means I get to watch Bodger and Badger then fine. 

I don't think they'd know that one...

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

2 minutes ago, Heartbreaker said:

"Bring snacks. Ideally small ones that can fit in your wellies "

Yes, I too frequently see people crouched down by the Pyramid stage, reaching into their wellies and pulling out a melted mars bar and pack of mini cheddars!!

And surely ‘chocolate filled crepes’ are the worst most impractical snack to bring to a festival, let alone stuff in your wellies.

[semmtexx]

 

4 minutes ago, Chris; said:

I'm not too sure if this is a poor attempt at satire, it does seem it in parts ? trust me like the sunscreen.

This must be right. It has to be taking the piss. 

[Heartbreaker]

1 minute ago, Deaf Nobby Burton said:

And surely ‘chocolate filled crepes’ are the worst most impractical snack to bring to a festival, let alone stuff in your wellies.

TBH, i got to the end of that statement and immediately closed the tab!

[barkley87]

7 minutes ago, HotChipWillBreakYourLegs said:

If it means I get to watch Bodger and Badger then fine. 

Have I got some bad news for you... 

[EasyUserName]

1 minute ago, barkley87 said:

Have I got some bad news for you... 

Are they dead?

 

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

On the subject of ‘chocolate filled crepes’ interesting they suggest we don’t bring custard, because obviously it could make a mess of our clothes.. but suggest we bring a snack that if handled incorrectly or sat on could leave your tent and clothes looking like ‘that scene’ from trainspotting.

[srb]

What do you mean not to bring your own custard? A can of warm cider and a custard chaser is one of life's simple pleasures! Amateur! 

[morph100]

I bet she’s got a gazebo 

[Gnomicide]

There's one in NME today. Count the errors as you go through it...

https://www.nme.com/features/glastonbury-the-ultimate-guide-camping-main-stages-secret-tips-more-2504427/amp?__twitter_impression=true