Funny things overheard at the festival

[CaledonianGonzo]

Conversation overheard when out for a bimble in the morning:

Bloke 1: How was last night?

Bloke 2: A bit mixed really and now I've got a bad back.

Bloke 1: Oh, why's that?

Bloke 2: Well, I put on my gorilla suit and went for a walk up to the stone circle. There was nothing going on up there so I walked around the greenfields and found a good ska band on in Croissant Neuf. I was having a good old dance until the band started playing Monkey Man. The audience spotted me in the gorilla suit and picked me up and crowd surfed me. Trouble was they dropped me flat on my back part way through!

Dying here.

[Rlm86]

At the fireworks on Wednesday evening, about the Phoenix on fire - "it looks like the Barclays logo"

..... Also "BURN THE PIDGEON!!!"

infantile but it made me laugh

[BlackHole2006]

Not really overheard but something I did personally.

 

On Mike Skinner's DJ set on the Thursday he came on and said "Hi I'm Daniel Beddingfield and welcome to the Pilton Pop Festival". I spent the entire set waiting for Mike Skinner to come on only to be told by a mate who I was with at the time that Mike Skinner had indeed been playing the whole time.

[AiiShotTheDJ]

Forgot another beauty!  We were walking by the stone circle about 2am and a VERY well to do group in what looked like full blown shooting/hunting get up (they were completely serious) said "come on guys, shall we go and sit around the camp fire" and the rest of the group replied "yes, lets!".  It was like a comedy sketch but it was all the more funny because they were deadly serious.

Edited July 3, 2015 by AiiShotTheDJ

[flickittyboo]

While waiting for The Charlatans secret set on The Other Stage my Husband heard 2 girls debating who it could be...

 

Girl: Could it be Amy Winehouse?

 

Girls mate : Nah she's dead.

[Gucci Piggy]

It happens to the best of us!

On the way home down the railway track later that night I yelled..."Shit! I've lost my hat!"

It was on my head

After spending two hours walking in circles trying to find the SE corner on Saturday night we gave up and laid down in a field. After half an hour there, I said "Right come on let's find it now", sat up and we'd been laid directly under the "SOUTH EAST CORNER" banner all the time.

I then couldn't find my sunglasses, so we spent ages looking for them and eventually gave up. 5 minutes later we were walking and I realised they were in my hand.

Nightmare.

[Gucci Piggy]

Conversation overheard when out for a bimble in the morning:

Bloke 1: How was last night?

Bloke 2: A bit mixed really and now I've got a bad back.

Bloke 1: Oh, why's that?

Bloke 2: Well, I put on my gorilla suit and went for a walk up to the stone circle. There was nothing going on up there so I walked around the greenfields and found a good ska band on in Croissant Neuf. I was having a good old dance until the band started playing Monkey Man. The audience spotted me in the gorilla suit and picked me up and crowd surfed me. Trouble was they dropped me flat on my back part way through!

I woke up after Friday night remembering nothing, and read through my texts and had text someone "Accidentally pulled a gorilla, off for smash orgy now". Really hope these aren't related, as I'm a straight guy.

In fact, I hope I didn't pull anyone resembling/dressed as a gorilla.

[Keithy]

Always seems to be some joker walking past coming out with this line. Personally didn't charge my phone there this year but certainly wouldn't admonish those who did; I find they're a pretty useful way of finding your mates. And checking efests ;-)

 

i think its because it's so pointless. just buy an anker or other portable external battery and avoid queuing.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I woke up after Friday night remembering nothing, and read through my texts and had text someone "Accidentally pulled a gorilla, off for smash orgy now". Really hope these aren't related, as I'm a straight guy.

In fact, I hope I didn't pull anyone resembling/dressed as a gorilla.

 

Sounds like you had an ace Glastonbury.

 

As to your last sentence I hope you never experience the realisation that you had indeed shagged the arse off some bloke in a gorilla costume. Fair play to you for being in the frame though - that takes a certain kind of lunatic that does. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Oh, I nearly forgot that I've only just heard a tale of an event that happened at Glastonbury this year. One of my mates was wearing a full length purple clergymans robe ( which happens to be mine) and tripped over the material at the bottom of the robe and fell down in to a ditch. Only to find someone already lying there in the ditch. Apparently my mate immediately started praying for the bloke and his good health whilst making the sign of the cross in front of the blokes face. Unfortunately the man shate himself (not literally) and started to shout 'get off me, get away from me' etc etc

Edited July 4, 2015 by Yoghurt on a Stick

[lizziecp]

a girl in the tent next to us literally had a shit on her tent floor.

 

when her friends got angry with her she said "what was I supposed to do, go to the toilet? It's raining!"

 

[verrymerry]

..... Also "BURN THE PIDGEON!!!"

infantile but it made me laugh

 

You were near me then.  Pigeon is Burning, Pigeon is Burning!  (To the tune of the Freedom is Coming song we had to sing) The lads near us that started it were wasted

[ltfckimbo]

About 21:25 in the Pyramid field as "The Who, New Time 21:15" flashes up on the screen.

Me: "Meet the new time, same as the old old time!"

Wife: "I don't get it."

Me: "Oh."

Yeah well, carry on.

[BA4 4BY]

I was sitting on a sofa by the fire in Strummerville late on Friday night, and a girl and 4 guys came over. The girl sat next to me on the sofa, one guy sat in the armchair on the other side of me, 2 of them sat on the ground in front of the fire and the last guy stood behind the sofa by the girl.

 

During the course of the next half hour or so as people came and went and seats became available the group repeatedly offered the guy that was standing the chance to sit down, but he kept refusing saying that he was happy standing up.

 

One of them eventually got up and went back to Worthy View to get some "supplies", at which point the guy who was standing up leant over to the bloke in the armchair and said, "The reason I don't want to sit down is because I shat myself earlier as we were walking up the hill."

 

I left soon after.

[mungo57]

I was sitting on a sofa by the fire in Strummerville late on Friday night, and a girl and 4 guys came over. The girl sat next to me on the sofa, one guy sat in the armchair on the other side of me, 2 of them sat on the ground in front of the fire and the last guy stood behind the sofa by the girl.

During the course of the next half hour or so as people came and went and seats became available the group repeatedly offered the guy that was standing the chance to sit down, but he kept refusing saying that he was happy standing up.

One of them eventually got up and went back to Worthy View to get some "supplies", at which point the guy who was standing up leant over to the bloke in the armchair and said, "The reason I don't want to sit down is because I shat myself earlier as we were walking up the hill."

I left soon after.

That's fucking MING I don't blame you I'd have left too.

About the funniest thing I can remember was walking through the SE corner trying to find my other half an exit point and we saw these 2 lads having a right argument (or so we thought) pushing each other and shouting near the entrance to Block 9 from Glasto Latino - can't remember what night it was either Thursday or Saturday - we walked past to get out and heard them shouting I AM SPARTACUS! Bit old but funny when off your face nonetheless lol

[sirdannytee]

Friday evening, Two Irish lads at the urinals by pyramid on Twitter trying to find out who the TBA is, one says to the other "who're the Lie-berteens?"....

[Zero_Newnab]

Waiting to for Drenge to start in Williams Green on the Thursday. 2 young posh girls next to me talking about how excited they were that Bastille were on next.

 

I informed them that it wasn't Bastille but Drenge. They didn't believe me and were adamant it was Bastille followed by a Foo Fighters & Green Day supergroup. I laughed out loud a little too hard and they just looked at me in a patronising way.

Drenge came on, the circle pits began and they turned to leave pretty sharpish.

 

A Foo Fighters + Green Day supergroup!???!!!? Performing exclusively at William's Green on the Thursday. That has to be the most ridiculous rumour ever conceived.

[Divein]

Not really overheard but at one point in the early hours of Saturday morning I turned into the info point on the railway track between the entrance to Shangri la and the entrance to the unfairground.

Group of lads: we're looking for Shangri la

Me: you're in it

Group: no Shangri la we're looking for the big waterfall it's in Shangri la

Me confused *big waterfall ?!?!*: ah you want the common through that entrance over there

One of the lads looks at me like I've just sent him the compete wrong way but they trundle off.

Next second

Another lad walks up to me and asks where Shangri la is. Best I could do was point "the other side of the hedge"

[AiiShotTheDJ]

Oh yeh remembered another one!  I was in a shop and two irish lads were talking to the cashier, one of them looked over and shouted "I'm northern irish, I learned to make petrol bombs when I was fucking 13!".  The cashier looked terrified and done a fake laugh.

Edited July 5, 2015 by AiiShotTheDJ

[Youtopia]

2 girls grumpily walking AWAY and out of the crowd during the Chemical Brothers…..one turns to the other and, in a thick scouse accent, says……"Theres not much singing is there?" 

[FuzzyDunlop]

Waiting to for Drenge to start in Williams Green on the Thursday. 2 young posh girls next to me talking about how excited they were that Bastille were on next.

I informed them that it wasn't Bastille but Drenge. They didn't believe me and were adamant it was Bastille followed by a Foo Fighters & Green Day supergroup. I laughed out loud a little too hard and they just looked at me in a patronising way.

Drenge came on, the circle pits began and they turned to leave pretty sharpish.

There is a possibility they camped near us. They had been going on all wednesday and thursday morning about Bastille being on in the Williams green on Thursday. One of their parents was sent a text at one point because a lad they were with had "taken some drugs for the first time and had not been seen since 4am" (it was about 6:30 by this point, I'd just come back from the SE corner) - needless to say he arrived at 7ish, loving life after a visit to the stone circle.

[Swine_Glasto2014]

Woman in the Stone Circle offering people some sort of drug... A group of 4 young girls asked her how much and she went "How old are you?" and they all replied 18/19... She goes "I'm gonna need to see some ID, sorry"

Good practice

[Wanderlei]

Slag? Classy.

 

Wake me up at 4am when my alarm is set at 5am for my shift and you're a slag. End of.

[sloseph]

it was Sunday night and we're sat on a bench opposite the burrito place near the other stage, this guy had been bouncing/swaying around for a while chatting to random people clearly on the highest level of Gillespied, we'd been watching him and enjoying the show for a while and then he approaches us

 

most of what came out of him was nonsense but 2 thing he said will stay with me for ever

 

1st he had been chatting garbage for a bout a minute but seemed happy so we listened then suddenly he looks up really seriously points behind us towards the Other stage and says "the thing is though, are you ready to commit to that?" we burst out laughing

 

then a bit more chatter and he goes to leave holds up his fist and says to us all "thanks for sorting out the euro" gives us all a fist bump and went on his merry way

 

I think he was at that point of fucked where your completely incapable of life but absolutely full of joy

[Gucci Piggy]

Not really overheard but at one point in the early hours of Saturday morning I turned into the info point on the railway track between the entrance to Shangri la and the entrance to the unfairground.

Group of lads: we're looking for Shangri la

Me: you're in it

Group: no Shangri la we're looking for the big waterfall it's in Shangri la

Me confused *big waterfall ?!?!*: ah you want the common through that entrance over there

One of the lads looks at me like I've just sent him the compete wrong way but they trundle off.

Next second

Another lad walks up to me and asks where Shangri la is. Best I could do was point "the other side of the hedge"

To be fair Shangri La's a bloody nightmare of to get into when your Bobby G'd. Saturday night I spent like two hours walking in circles around it trying to find my way in and eventually gave up and opted for a bit of stargazing instead.