Personal Worst / most embarrassing event

[pie_and_a_pint]

2 hours ago, Harmonic Prospector said:

About 4am on the Sunday morning in 2013 me and my friend were winding down up near Croissant Neuf after the Motown Party at WG (would love for that to come back!). We were chatting to some randoms, all of us talking about the fact that we all were starting our shifts in only 4 hours time and how we should all be heading off to bed. I wasn't feeling particularly squiffy but as we stood up I felt the world start spinning and had to sit down on a bench. I quickly became very messy indeed and proceeded to grip hold of one of the recycling bins (presumably because I felt it was anchoring me) before actually sticking me head inside as it made me feel safe. My next recollection was coming to next to my friend and him saying to me "How are you feeling now? Are you aware of what just happened?" I replied that I had just been feeling a little tired and emotional. He said "You've been more than that mate!" I apparently removed my head from the bin stumbled a few steps before completely crashing out taking out 4 recycling bins in the process. Completely passed out and unresponsive. A group of about 10 people came over and helped my mate lift me off the floor and get me into a safe position before moving on at which point I came back around. 

Not totally embarrassing as I have no recollection of that 10 minute period but what it did demonstrate was how quick people are to help others out at Glasto when things have taken their toll. You can always guarantee that when someone is a little worse for wear passed out somewhere with no friends around them, there will always be a stream of passing people coming to check them over to see if they are OK or need help. I don't really see it at any other festival and to me it really is what makes that Glasto spirit so unique and special. 

Did you make your shift though???

[Harmonic Prospector]

I was up and fresh as a daisy with time to spare. I am one of those bastards that doesn't get hangovers despite my best efforts! It did help that my work at that time was very easy and required very little physical exertion on my part. My first year on recycling crew brought me back down to earth though. Saturday morning 2014 was the lowest I have ever felt!

[sloseph]

13 hours ago, Woffy said:

We all know your best/worst embarrassing Glasto moment. I love it to this day! Legendary!

;-) ;-) ;-)

I genuinely have no idea what you are referring to?

I don't think I've had a Glastonbury incident other than my cry in the long drops on Sunday morning but that wasn't so much embarrassing more just being broken 

[Nice hymer]

Many years ago....

Fat pinch of K, go for a bimble, come across this stream, casually try to step over it.. turns out there's quite an embankment...

So I stumble/fall into this river of piss, my kind buddies manage to pull me out... we're all dying of laughter at this point.

Head back to camp to dry off, have this great idea to dry my legs over the camp fire...

Somewhat inevitably set my combats alight - must have been good as friends still mention it as a top drawer Glasto moment...

[shuttlep]

17 hours ago, Badlands said:

We're all friends here so I think I'm safe telling this one.

2011 late Thursday PM/ Friday AM.

The wife completely steaming drunk and unable to walk after an evening at that whiskey blues bar thats no longer there. 

I'm practically carrying her back to the tent, almost as drunk, but more concerned by how I'm absolutely desperate for a pee - total 'kicking your legs about, unable to stand still as you think you'll piss yourself if you stop' desperate.

I miss two or three toilets on the way home as she cannot walk without assistance, things are reaching a critical mass.

I'm practically running to the tent, dragging wife with one arm, her bag in the other, fantasizing reaching the tent where that sweet sweet Comfort bottle will take away this bladder bother.

Eventually we reach the tent, I'm that desperate I'm practically unbuttoning while I'm running, manage to pull the zip down, get the wife onto her bed, and I've made it.... utter bliss.....  grinning like an idiot, relieved I've managed not be 'that lad' that pisses himself at glastonbury.

It's only after about 10 seconds that I realise that I'm actually having a piss in her bag.

Not my finest moment.

Come the morning after, i wake up to the missus shouting and panicking, thinking we've been robbed as someone's been through her bag and just chucked her stuff all over the place. I have to explain to her that they're infact 'drying'.

 

 

take a bow son

 

 

[4AssedMonkey]

52 minutes ago, Nice hymer said:

Many years ago....

Fat pinch of K, go for a bimble, come across this stream, casually try to step over it.. turns out there's quite an embankment...

So I stumble/fall into this river of piss, my kind buddies manage to pull me out... we're all dying of laughter at this point.

Head back to camp to dry off, have this great idea to dry my legs over the camp fire...

Somewhat inevitably set my combats alight - must have been good as friends still mention it as a top drawer Glasto moment...

Just say no kids.....

[little_jim]

In 2009, I twisted my ankle and badly bruised all my foot after taking a slip in the mud and was struggling to get around. One night/Early morning i needed a poop. I started on my journey (I camp up by the drop the debt bus next to John Peel Stage) to the toilets just by Silver hayes. I didn't get very far when i started touching cloth I was closer to my tent then I was loos, trying my best not to let it all go, it was either stop and crap my pants or make my way back to my tent.

 

Got back to my tent lucky enough I had an empty box from a 12 pack, popped that into a black sack and well the rest you can make you're own minds up.

 

I didn't make it to the toilets but I didn't crap myself either, just did it in my tent in a box then disposed of it the best way i could..!

[karaseen]

20 minutes ago, little_jim said:

In 2009, I twisted my ankle and badly bruised all my foot after taking a slip in the mud and was struggling to get around. One night/Early morning i needed a poop. I started on my journey (I camp up by the drop the debt bus next to John Peel Stage) to the toilets just by Silver hayes. I didn't get very far when i started touching cloth I was closer to my tent then I was loos, trying my best not to let it all go, it was either stop and crap my pants or make my way back to my tent.

 

Got back to my tent lucky enough I had an empty box from a 12 pack, popped that into a black sack and well the rest you can make you're own minds up.

 

I didn't make it to the toilets but I didn't crap myself either, just did it in my tent in a box then disposed of it the best way i could..!

@iamthegr81 You don't need a bucket! Just the THICK black bin bags and an empty cider box. Learn a trick from little_jim

[O'Doyle Rules]

GF shit herself and was put in an ambulance...

[alibear]

22 hours ago, verrymerry said:

I got it wrong with a she pee, it wasn't even my first use!

 

22 hours ago, verrymerry said:

 

I'm so pleased I'm not alone! 

Another She-pee moment here. Somewhere near Shangri-La after drinking a vat of vodka at Disclosure. Left the hubby by Block 9 while I looked for a toilet (for about the 5th time in half an hour - booze runs straight through me while drunk sometimes). I actually passed the she-pee loo once as I knew I probably wouldn't be able to use it properly due to my inebriation, and I was carrying a mojito. Couldn't find a regular toilet so headed back there and obviously miscued  completely, covering my leggings and hands in the process (thankfully the mojito was safe at that point). At the time it was obviously a "dodgy she-pee", and I politely let the volunteer know.

Feeling a bit distraught, I went back to my husband to tell him immediately, only to run straight into the back of him, pouring the mojito over his head in the process. I can still see the wedges of lime landing on his shoulder, he wasn't happy.

[clarkete]

22 minutes ago, alibear said:

Feeling a bit distraught, I went back to my husband to tell him immediately, only to run straight into the back of him, pouring the mojito over his head in the process. I can still see the wedges of lime landing on his shoulder, he wasn't happy.

Were you still distraught, or did that bit cheer you up?

[Dave_c]

24 minutes ago, O'Doyle Rules said:

GF shit herself and was put in an ambulance...

That literally made me lol

[Gacheezbo]

Shat myself two years in a row.

Had a nosebleed all over a girl in my tent.

Caused a large queue to the longdrop because I was in there laughing uncontrollably on my first and last acid trip. My knees were morphing into my friends' faces while they were outside laughing.  

Bring on Glasto #4!

[Beerqueen]

23 hours ago, karaseen said:

 

See you at the meet!!  

Can't make the meet as I don't get there until Thursday (I know......).  So when are you going to tell me?

[karaseen]

4 minutes ago, Beerqueen said:

Can't make the meet as I don't get there until Thursday (I know......).  So when are you going to tell me?

2017 meet

[4AssedMonkey]

50 minutes ago, O'Doyle Rules said:

GF shit herself and was put in an ambulance...

Can't help thinking there's a lot more to this story....

[mungo57]

23 hours ago, T-Mouse said:

This didnt happen to me thank god but it was without question the funniest thing i have ever seen at Glastonbury.

Its 2013. Alt J are due on the Other Stage any minute. Im tapped on the shoulder by my friend. Hes noticed that my other mates pint cup is leaking from the bottom. He makes sure our whole 15 strong group is aware of what hes about to do.

He grabs everyones attention. "Hey hey. Guys. Watch this", he says with a cheeky expression on his face. Confidence flowing through him. This is his moment. Hes got that twinkle in his eye. "This will be utterly hilarious" he says to himself.

He proceeds to bend down, open his mouth wide and catch the liquid escaping from the bottom of my friends pint cup. The cheeky expression is replaced with one of shock. Eyes wide as saucers, he realises the folly of his actions and recoils in horror. 

Little did my friend know, the liquid escaping from the bottom of the cup is urine. My other mate is not-so-slyly pissing in to his empty cup. We all see this immediately as hes stood behind us doing it. Unfortunately for poor Adam, he was stood behind and simply could not see what we saw, which led him to the assumption that the golden liquid was cool delicious lager, and not the warm stale urine of my friend.

I dont ever condone peeing on the land. We gave him grief for doing it and rightly so. But i spent the entire hour of Alt Js gig in complete hysterics. My friends has literally never been the same. Forever reliving the moment he caught piss in his mouth willingly.

wanted to let you know of my appreciation of this post seeing as I have already ran out of upvotes after reading back through this thread, thats fucking great!

[alibear]

2 hours ago, clarkete said:

Were you still distraught, or did that bit cheer you up?

Haha, I think we were both cheered up somewhat by the utterly bemused security guard he subsequently got chatting to outside NYC Downlow while he was waiting for me. His spot was facing the transvestite dancers on the balcony.

"I've been standing here all weekend, and I still just don't get it..."

[Chazwozza]

Not a Glastonbury story and also not something that happened to me, but to a navy friend of mine...

 

During a ship's visit to far flung ports, it was commonplace for the British Ambassador to invite a small number of the ships company to his residence for drinks or a barbecue, and so it was that my friend found himself being royally entertained in a tropical country that shall remain nameless.  The barbecue went down a storm, the beer and wine were flowing and the party went on well into the small hours.

 

All retired to bed in a number of spare bedrooms in the residence.  My friend, having sunk perhaps more than his fair share of the food and booze, woke in the night desperate for a crap.  But alas, in his muddled state he was not able to remember where the bog was, so using the sort of logic that appeals only to the truly drunk, he decided to shit in his sock.  Mission accomplished, he now found himself in possession of a shit filled sock and clearly he needed to get shot of it, sooner rather than later.

 

Opening the window, he whirled the sock and contents around his head to get up a good head of speed and flung the offending object far out into the dark tropical night.  Smiling faintly in the knowledge of a job well done, he retired to bed.

 

The next morning he was woken by a maid knocking on his door, "Good morning sir, here's your cup of tea. Breakfast will be served outside on the patio in a few minutes time" she said.  But horrors - on opening his eyes he couldn't help but notice a sort of speckly dado-rail that seemed to have been painted on around all the walls, in - yes - a sort of shit brown.  Panicking, he asked the maid to please leave the tea outside his room.  He then spent the next 15 minutes frantically scrubbing the shit speckles off the walls.  At last, the filthy job was done and he could shower and go down to breakfast.

 

The rest of the guests were there already, with the ambassador and his wife, breakfasting on a fine selection of tropical fruits, tea, coffee, toast, croissants, etc and exchanging polite conversation.  Talk moved on to the wild and wonderful tropical birds that flew in and out of the garden, sometimes pausing to roost in the trees and show off their fine feathers.  "Oh, yes," Mrs Ambassador was saying, "We've had all manner of gorgeous visitors to our garden this year... but what on earh is THAT?"

 

All eyes turned in the direction of the upper branches of the tree nearest to the breakfast table, where Mrs Ambo was looking aghast at....

 

... a naval issue sock that was clearly full of human shit...

[shoptildrop]

1 hour ago, Chazwozza said:

Not a Glastonbury story and also not something that happened to me, but to a navy friend of mine...

 

 

 

During a ship's visit to far flung ports, it was commonplace for the British Ambassador to invite a small number of the ships company to his residence for drinks or a barbecue, and so it was that my friend found himself being royally entertained in a tropical country that shall remain nameless.  The barbecue went down a storm, the beer and wine were flowing and the party went on well into the small hours.

 

 

 

All retired to bed in a number of spare bedrooms in the residence.  My friend, having sunk perhaps more than his fair share of the food and booze, woke in the night desperate for a crap.  But alas, in his muddled state he was not able to remember where the bog was, so using the sort of logic that appeals only to the truly drunk, he decided to shit in his sock.  Mission accomplished, he now found himself in possession of a shit filled sock and clearly he needed to get shot of it, sooner rather than later.

 

 

 

Opening the window, he whirled the sock and contents around his head to get up a good head of speed and flung the offending object far out into the dark tropical night.  Smiling faintly in the knowledge of a job well done, he retired to bed.

 

 

 

The next morning he was woken by a maid knocking on his door, "Good morning sir, here's your cup of tea. Breakfast will be served outside on the patio in a few minutes time" she said.  But horrors - on opening his eyes he couldn't help but notice a sort of speckly dado-rail that seemed to have been painted on around all the walls, in - yes - a sort of shit brown.  Panicking, he asked the maid to please leave the tea outside his room.  He then spent the next 15 minutes frantically scrubbing the shit speckles off the walls.  At last, the filthy job was done and he could shower and go down to breakfast.

 

 

 

The rest of the guests were there already, with the ambassador and his wife, breakfasting on a fine selection of tropical fruits, tea, coffee, toast, croissants, etc and exchanging polite conversation.  Talk moved on to the wild and wonderful tropical birds that flew in and out of the garden, sometimes pausing to roost in the trees and show off their fine feathers.  "Oh, yes," Mrs Ambassador was saying, "We've had all manner of gorgeous visitors to our garden this year... but what on earh is THAT?"

 

 

 

All eyes turned in the direction of the upper branches of the tree nearest to the breakfast table, where Mrs Ambo was looking aghast at....

 

 

 

... a naval issue sock that was clearly full of human shit...

OMFG I'm sat in HK airport here trying not to piss myself laughing at this!!!

[Miathedog]

Mine's very tame in comparison to many of these!

2007, must have been before the mud got too bad and it was warm weather because I was planning on wearing a little top with no sleeves. For some reason we'd got a cannister of bright red hair spray from somewhere, presume handed out as can't imagine why I'd have bought it. Anyway, I was up fairly bright and early that particular morning, congratulating myself on feeling reasonably chipper, and getting dressed and ready for the day so fast. I just needed the final touch, a really good spritz of underarm deodorant, and I applied it liberally just as my stepdaughter looked over at me and started pissing herself with laughter. It took absolutely ages to get it off and my underarms looked sunburned all weekend!

[Woffy]

9 hours ago, sloseph said:

I genuinely have no idea what you are referring to?

I don't think I've had a Glastonbury incident other than my cry in the long drops on Sunday morning but that wasn't so much embarrassing more just being broken 

I meant on here! I was cryptically teasing! ;-)

[Homersexual]

Not my most embarrassing moment but I feel like I should share this because I've kept it secret and it makes me feel dirty. I don't even know if embarrassing would be the right way to go about describing it...

A few years ago a dear friend of mine met his now husband-to-be at the NYC Downlow on the Friday night, took him back to his tent and gave his bumhole a right good tonguing. After three days of not showering. 

(Sorry Dave, in case you ever end up reading this).

My most embarrassing moment was when I sharted and inadvertently spent most of the day with a shit stain on the back of my shorts. I pretended it was mud but everybody knew. Everybody knew.

We're a classy bunch, me and my mates.

[Beerqueen]

11 hours ago, karaseen said:

2017 meet

Harsh, very harsh.

[sophlamb]

Nowhere near as embarrassing as some of these but I fell asleep outside my tent on Saturday afternoon in 2013 wearing a crochet dress. Got sunburn through the crochet and spent the next few weeks with a flower pattern branded onto my skin.

Terribly irresponsible I know, but I had set up my umbrella along the side of my tent to keep me in the shade, but that dang sun just kept on moving!