4AssedMonkey

Surprises me every year how much of the build still looks unfinished even a few days before gates open. Plus they're always finishing the sound and light rigs on the main stages on the Weds/Thurs. As an exercise in just in time logistics and planning it's incredible.

Always seems to be Friday afternoon for the epic clashes. I seem to have a brain-exploding 3 or 4 way clash every year on the Friday.

I don't think it's a direct compete for actual sound systems. I've always had fun in them and having competing DJ's on the channels is always a laugh. Plus they tend to be more themed sets (Britpop vs Disco, Cheesy Pop vs 80's/90's Metal etc.) Had a great laugh once whilst high as hell listening to a Dutch DJ playing really obscure, weird Euro-pop. Dancing about with tears in my eyes. Sticking it on in Woodsies after hours would be a good shout. Loads of space, would thin the after hours crowds. I guarantee our gang would be there at least one night.

I WANT THE MAP!!!!!!! 😩

The only one I missed in the last 15 years was 2017. I initially wanted to bury my head in the sand and try to escape, but ultimately I ended up watching some of the TV coverage. It was bittersweet if I'm honest as I couldn't stop wishing I was there. This might be my last G anyway, but if not and I miss out in future, I'll go on a short holiday or something and avoid it completely.

I could see our tent on that one!

Trust me, I do.

Lenor bottles are a game changer. Thurs night at the last fest I woke up twice for a pee and came close to overfilling a 1.5 litre one the second time. That was a bit scary.

My problem with them isn’t whether or not it’s tongue in cheek, ironic or whatever. I’m working class from Sheffield and grew up through the miners strike, so it ain’t a class issue either. They just sound dog awful and I wish they would shut the f**k up.

Add a hosepipe with a sprinkler attachment and you’re close.

Beyond me that anyone with 100% working ears could enjoy Sleaford Mods. Accidentally walked past their sets previously and wanted to scream at them to shut the f**k up. Awful noise pollution bollocks.

I got the raging shits in 2009 late on the Saturday afternoon. On reflection, probably too much, erm sweeties, cider and spicy food. When I got to Glasto Sainsburys on the way home on Monday, my stall was like that. I had no idea one digestive tract could hold so much. I had to do a mid-sh*t flush then carry on. I have Vietnam style flashbacks about those 2-3 days. Awful. Just awful.

2 from 2010. I made a copper bangle in green crafts. Never wear it but have loads of affection for it. I broke 2 fingers playing in the efests/Wateraid football World Cup. Now have disfigured knuckles and arthritis. Slightly less affection, but still a good memory.

Tend to get packed early doors. If you’re not there with 20-30 mins to spare, you’ll be stuck in the alleyway at the back.

Get to f**k. Stealing money they are. My dog has more musical talent.