Overheards and Funnies

[Dave The Hedgehog]

I was in the toilets in Lower Mead and overheard a conversation Monday between two girls.

You alright Amy?

- Yeah.

Do you need a hand?

- No.

Have you got hand sanitiser?

- Yeah.

Are you being sick?

- Ummmm... no I'm ok.

Are you having a wee?

- Yeah.

Do you have any toilet roll?

- Yeah.

Do you need a poo?

- Ummmm... no I'm ok.

Ok, well I'll wait outside.

- Ok.

Do you need any compost?

- Ummm... no, I'm ok.

Ok I'm just waiting outside.

- Ok.

Are you alright Amy?

- Yeah.

Are you having a poo yet?

- Yeah.

Ok let me know if you need compost.

- Ok.

[Dave The Hedgehog]

"What kind of a fucking farm is this if I can't get fucking fresh eggs for breakfast!?"

[Dave The Hedgehog]

Was Dolly Parton any good?

- Yeah if you like country music and massive granny tits.

[Dave The Hedgehog]

"Fuck off West Holts. Go there, you'll get gangbanged by 4 black guys wearing sequins!"

[Dave The Hedgehog]

Your girlfriend's got a bucket!
- Yeah well so's your mum after I fucked her in the Gully last night.

[Brave Sir Robin]

A girl sternly to her mate, walking away from Metallica, about 10 minutes in: "Well, you KNEW what they were gonna sound like..."

At least half a dozen times from Thursday on: "What day is it again...?"

[Dave The Hedgehog]

I remember camping next to a group of kids from Welwyn Garden City - not a funny story at all by the way - and overheard a conversation early Thursday morning about how they'd heard somebody died wednesday evening, didn't know who it was, and couldn't find their mate. Then it turned out that their mate was carted off by a steward in the early hours after he overdosed on pills because whilst onsite, on the wednesday, his dog had died and he couldn't cope.

Hope he was alright.

[admscott]

Some guy talking to his mate walking away from the pyramid after AF : "I called Sophie but it didn't connect her."

Randomer, turns round and shouts: "Turns out it was just a reflektor! OHHHH!"

That's brilliant!

[matt1991]

Two girls on the way to SE corner: 'I've got herpes, gonorrhea and syphilis but don't touch my bum because I've got aids' they then went onto random men over 40 grabbing their bums saying ' ohhh daddy' then approached my mate saying 'daddy's gonna fuck you now' then grabbed his throat really aggressively and said 'AND IT WON'T HURT A BIT' lovely.

[APC]

I remember camping next to a group of kids from Welwyn Garden City - not a funny story at all by the way - and overheard a conversation early Thursday morning about how they'd heard somebody died wednesday evening, didn't know who it was, and couldn't find their mate. Then it turned out that their mate was carted off by a steward in the early hours after he overdosed on pills because whilst onsite, on the wednesday, his dog had died and he couldn't cope.

Hope he was alright.

Dark. In 2010 my dog died on the Tuesday night before the start of Glasto. If it had been the following day I would have been at Glasto and probably done similar.

[Dave The Hedgehog]

Dark. In 2010 my dog died on the Tuesday night before the start of Glasto. If it had been the following day I would have been at Glasto and probably done similar.

Aye it was shitty one that. My missus said, "christ, it's only thursday and you've already nearly died on pills?".

Not the sympathetic type, my missus.

[frostypaw]

Only just this moment come back to me!

We were walking back from Silver Hayes through Oxylers on the track right through the camping and there were a couple of cops in front of us

Just ahead of them two girls were comforting a third who was bent entirely double, completely straight legged

"Excuse me madam? Is your friend alright?"

"Oh her?" Said the oldest quick off the bat "Yeah she's fine - she's just doing her midnight yoga"

We squawked loudly and didn't dare look back!

----

clever quip gong goes to the gent near acoustic who accidentally stabbed me in the nuts with his umbrella and said "OOPS sorry fella, don't worry, i'm not bulgarian"

must've been sober

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Ha! Three middle aged blokes in chairs by the park, pulled out a camembert... And then a whole bottle of sherry!

Sherry? Port surely?

[Mollyanne&Mike]

Sherry? Port surely?

Better a Chardonnay or Fume, or any other French white (preferably chilled but difficult at Glastonbury )

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Better a Chardonnay or Fume, or any other French white (preferably chilled but difficult at Glastonbury )

Depends on the time of the day that the incident took place I'd say.

[lukemack1]

The que at gate A Wednesday morning, women on the phone presumably on the phone to one of her kids she was separated from, in a thick yorkshire shouts down the phone

"I'm looking for you, so stop giving me jib!"

[FuzzyDunlop]

- "The stage at Arcade Fire kept morphing, kept changing shape"

- "That sounds amazing"

- "Fuck me, How many of those mushrooms did you have?"

(Me and my mates.. You can decide who was who)

[Gnomicide]

Overheard neighbours while lying in my tent in the morning:

Him: I want to see Robert Plant

Her: Who's he?

Me: (bit of a chortle)

Him: I'll give you a clue. Think of the biggest rock band of the 70's

Her: Is it something to do with Dire Straits?

Me: Oh for fucks sake!

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

You would think so but no... Sherry!

No social etiquette. The place is going down hill and the hoi polloi have truly taken over.

[kaytee...]

"Cressida, check out my Winnebago"

[Ted Dansons Wig]

You would think so but no... Sherry!

That's fucking it. No class. V for me next year.

Edited July 7, 2014 by Ted Dansons Wig

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

On a more serious note, I can't actually recall the taste of sherry, but do know that I concluded that it was not for me from an early age. I'd just about eat a major chunk of camembert with most alcohols though. In fact I'd eat the stuff with a lot of soft drinks too. I'd stop at a can of Tango though as not doing so would be worryingly deviant.

[eFestivals]

".... and Melissa has just been elected head of house....".

Where's the middle class punters thread again...?

[dimus]

Sherry? Port surely?

Pot surely?

[Ave]

I overheard a rather posh lad chatting to his mate on the Monday morning at breakfast time at one of the cafe's.

"So Dolly was talking about Bon Jovi, yeah, and then this guy came out. I thought it might be Jon Bon Jovi, but it wasn't, it was just some random guy?"

The "random guy" was Richie Sambora.