Overheard funnies

[AiiShotTheDJ]

We were camped next to a group of young, first timers who were clearly very affluent.  They came back around 4:00am one morning and I overheard a hilarious conversation (kind of had to be there)- "we went to Shangri- La and I got fucked.  You know when you're all fucked and you look at other people who are fucked? It was totes amazing. I hope it's not cold tonight, I was so cold- you know when you're so cold you don't know what to do?". 

[Amii]

Two young girls behind me, Friday morning:

"I can't believe Britain's a continent now." 

[danmarks]

Mum to her son - Chris martin spends more time in this field than the cows do. 

[Beerqueen]

Mother to daughter - "yes that is a sofa in the middle of a muddy field".

[kaytee...]

2 hours ago, alibear said:

Was that on Thursday afternoon? He was in a crazy place - I saw him running into the wooden flag posts at the back of the field and constantly taking running jumps and landing hip first on the ground, before getting up and saying "I feel good, I feel good...". God knows how his body felt after that, not to mention his mind!

Yeah it was. If it's the same guy, he was on another planet. 

[Lboston]

Saw someone who had clearly gone heavy on the hard stuff swimming in mud shouting 'I'm a mermaid! I'm a mermaid!' A few guys wearing uniforms came to get him and he was taken away shouting 'you cannot imprison the mermaid!'

Edited June 27, 2016 by Lboston

[Mad hatter]

Not really funny but gives a good indication of the Galstonbury crowd nowadays. 

I was was in the medical tent on Saturday morning when a mid twenties girl put a copy of the Guardian that she had been reading on the floor. I asked if I could read it and she said no problem.

She then asked me if I knew what had happened the the 'price of silver' (I barely knew what day it was!). She wanted to know because her parents had advised her to put her savings into silver as they thought that the price would rise if we voted to leave the EU!

[Heather90]

2 very excited young girls by the other stage

Girl 1 - incomprehensible squeal then "oh look it's the pyramid stage"

Girl 2 - incomprehensible squeal then "so what was that triangle one"

Girl 1 - West holts babe

I spat my drink out laughing and they looked at me like I was the fool

[MrZigster]

"Ooh. I haven't eaten my sandwich. Do you think I should eat my sandwich?"

This from a fully grown thirty year oldish female sent me into a fit of the giggles. Can't you decide for yourself when to eat your food?

[Amy Lawn]

Vignette 1:

OTHER STAGE, MIDDAY.

AMY LAWN stands in front of the STAGE.

Enter stage right, behnd AMY LAWN; GIRL 1, GIRL 2.

GIRL 1: So it's a tribute then? To David Bowie? I don't get it.

GIRL 2: Nonono. Not Bowie, Lemmy. Look; The Ace Of Spades.

GIRL 1: [Incredulous] LEMMY DIED?

GIRL 2: Yes, like last year, don't you remember?

GIRL 1: Lemmy? Keith Lemon?

GIRL 2: No... Lemmy, from Motorhead.

GIRL 1: .... Keith Lemon!?

GIRL 2: No, not Keith Lemon; Lemmy.



Vignette 2:

DAIRY FIELD, MIDNIGHT.

AMY LAWN sits in a camping chair.

40 yards away from AMY LAWN is the CAMPSITE CREW.

CREW 1 is up the fire tower.

CREW 2 and CREW 3 are sitting placidly beneath in camping chairs.

CREW 1: [Urgently] Guys!

CREW 2: You ok babe?

CREW 1: I was just.... If you have a bad leg, and a crutch, does the crutch go on the same side as your good leg or bad leg?

CREW 2: Bad leg, it's doing the job of your bad leg.

CREW 3: Hang on, that can't be right. How would you balance if it was on the other side?

CREW 1: Yes, this is what I thought. I don't see how you don't just fall over whichever side it's on.

CAMPSITE CREW continue to ponder the science behind crutches, without successful conclusion,for 10 minutes. AMY LAWN hurts himself through laughing into his gin at the continuing stupidity.

[lyndseyo]

8 hours ago, alibear said:

This is always my favourite post-Glasto thread so I thought I'd start it off. Two from me:

-Couple walking from Hitchin Hill towards Pyramid, guy says: "I don't even know why I was pissed. I only had three pints... of wine"

-By the Glade:

Guy 1: "Sometimes live just got to feed our body what it needs"

Guy 2: "Yeah... Well I've still got some MDMA in my tent, so..."

At the Lumineers as the lead singer jumped off stage to calmly walk up and down the front of the crowd high fiveing them one very well spoken guy in front of me turned to his friend and said 'Oooh he's having a bit of a mad one isn't he Charles!' 

[HalfAnIdiot]

I'm not making this up ok.

Saturday afternoon, innocently following two guy's through the markets avoiding the worst of the mud.

One guy, in all seriousnes, says, literally 'I'm inteding to take Adele strategiclly from the back tonight'. Other guy just nods but I narrowly avoid falling into fits in the mud!

I hope he got his wish.

[Beerqueen]

11 minutes ago, GETOFFAMYLAWN said:

Vignette 1:

OTHER STAGE, MIDDAY.

AMY LAWN stands in front of the STAGE.

Enter stage right, behnd AMY LAWN; GIRL 1, GIRL 2.

GIRL 1: So it's a tribute then? To David Bowie? I don't get it.

GIRL 2: Nonono. Not Bowie, Lemmy. Look; The Ace Of Spades.

GIRL 1: [Incredulous] LEMMY DIED?

GIRL 2: Yes, like last year, don't you remember?

GIRL 1: Lemmy? Keith Lemon?

GIRL 2: No... Lemmy, from Motorhead.

GIRL 1: .... Keith Lemon!?

GIRL 2: No, not Keith Lemon; Lemmy.



Vignette 2:

DAIRY FIELD, MIDNIGHT.

AMY LAWN sits in a camping chair.

40 yards away from AMY LAWN is the CAMPSITE CREW.

CREW 1 is up the fire tower.

CREW 2 and CREW 3 are sitting placidly beneath in camping chairs.

CREW 1: [Urgently] Guys!

CREW 2: You ok babe?

CREW 1: I was just.... If you have a bad leg, and a crutch, does the crutch go on the same side as your good leg or bad leg?

CREW 2: Bad leg, it's doing the job of your bad leg.

CREW 3: Hang on, that can't be right. How would you balance if it was on the other side?

CREW 1: Yes, this is what I thought. I don't see how you don't just fall over whichever side it's on.

CAMPSITE CREW continue to ponder the science behind crutches, without successful conclusion,for 10 minutes. AMY LAWN hurts himself through laughing into his gin at the continuing stupidity.

 Sorry!  I was distracted by the thought that Amy Lawn was your daughter.  Called Amy..... It's been a long weekend......

[Bunders10]

4 hours ago, kaytee... said:

Some people camped next to us discussing who they went to see the night before;

'That Sugar Ross were good' 

Also a guy on a bad trip ran from the direction of stone circle through the craft fields screaming 'the dragons are here!' whilst his friends were trying to catch him

Sounds like the same guy me and the missus came across in the healing fields shouting at people around him to "make me better"

[MilkyJoe]

I've got a few of these that I'll post over the next few days, right now I'm about to fall into bed but here's the first and I shit you not, this was genuinely overheard from a guy talking seriously to his mate at gate A.

"I wasn't expecting mud"

[dontcarebear]

In the Green Crafts field on Thursday: "It's all just a bit 'get a job', isn't it?"

 

[Beerqueen]

5 minutes ago, MilkyJoe said:

I've got a few of these that I'll post over the next few days, right now I'm about to fall into bed but here's the first and I shit you not, this was genuinely overheard from a guy talking seriously to his mate at gate A.

"I wasn't expecting mud"

Billy Bragg said something along the lines of "2,000 pairs of wellies have been sold.  That's 2,000 people who thought 'I'm going to Glastonbury, I'll be ok without wellies' that says a lot about people's decision making".

[Followill]

Sat in my tent preparing for bed around 4.30 am when suddenly I heard

'what does it feel like to kiss a girl?'

'Like spaghetti'

'Oh.. I don't think I want too then'

 

 

During My way in Coldplays set a chant broke out of 'He does what he wants, Michael Eavis, he does what he wants'

[kidpresentable]

1. Over-excited girl and underwhelmed friend in the shop queue.
Girl #1: OHMYGOD!!! THEY SELL TOPICS!!!!!! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW A TOPIC?!?!?!?!
Girl #2: Well I don't really keep track...
GIrl #1: Me neither, BUT WHEN?!?!?!?!
GIrl #2 doesn't reply.

2. Food vans near William's Green
Guy #1 (reading): Vegg-ie-bur-ger...?
Guy #2: Urghhhhh

3. Extremely posh young idiot after Coldplay:
"Well guyyys this has been another successful Glaaastonbury..."

[When Jokers Attack]

A guy jumping on the milk truck with his megaphone and started singing milkshake by Kelis. He done it the previous morning as well and was gifted with free milk.

[kevin0410]

A few people at the front during Beck were asking security for earplugs!

[Robster86]

Near the interactive paint screen things at The Blues...

Guy shouts while walking past: "Watch out Banksy, some rich kids are drawing shit". 

[gorfield]

Young girl to her male friend..

"my hands are hurting so much that I couldn't even file my nails this morning"

and

" I genuinely died when they did that"

errrr no love - you didnt

[Quark]

Chap sat next to me on a bench in Greenfields on Thursday night was absolutely off his tits, tried to hold a conversation with me but no idea what he was saying.  All I know is that he was quite happily sat with trousers, and possibly undercrackers, around his ankles.

As I stood up to wander off the guy who had been quietly sat next to him on the other side looked round and in a voice of quiet frustration just said "Mate, have you lost your fucking trousers again?  How many times tonight for fuck's sakes?

[PurpleFire]

'What would you call a laptop who headlined the Pyramid Stage'

'Adele'

Walking past the stage at 4:30 in the morning was a bloke stopping everybody and telling them this joke.