poll How to wipe??

[The Placid Casual]

I performed a sitting wipe earlier and I came away hating myself.

 

It's not normal.

[The Placid Casual]

On 1/19/2016 at 8:46 AM, Frankly Mr Shankly said:

I do not squat my good man, I perch, like an elegant owl.

Doing this turns an assplosion from an unpleasant experience to a goddamn catastrophe.

[Gucci Piggy]

2 hours ago, The Placid Casual said:

Doing this turns an assplosion from an unpleasant experience to a goddamn catastrophe.

What's an assplosion? Is it a powerful one that explodes into the toilet and causes a big splash, or just an explosion of shit from your arsehole in all directions? Imagine doing that and shitting all over your feet/legs.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

 

I find sand shot blasting is the only way to get rid of the shitty clag nuts off my arse.

[slash's hat]

8 minutes ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

 

I find sand shot blasting is the only way to get rid of the shitty clag nuts off my arse.

A lasting image : (

[The Placid Casual]

1 hour ago, Will-2609 said:

What's an assplosion? Is it a powerful one that explodes into the toilet and causes a big splash, or just an explosion of shit from your arsehole in all directions? Imagine doing that and shitting all over your feet/legs.

The latter. Where it fires in all directions.

 

Squatters having assplosions is probably the main cause for shit on the seats.

[Gnomicide]

Quote

Maybe - but Id still rather shit in my hands and clap

Martin Ashford admitting to an unorthodox approach in the Headliners thread. 

[Woffy]

1 hour ago, Will-2609 said:

What's an assplosion? Is it a powerful one that explodes into the toilet and causes a big splash, or just an explosion of shit from your arsehole in all directions? Imagine doing that and shitting all over your feet/legs.

Yes, pebbledashing.

[Spindles]

6 hours ago, slash's hat said:

 Felt a bloody fool though, going to hospital for constipation - though didn't know what it was at the time.

Can confirm the pain and discomfort, being an old fart.

I'd spent years being regular as clockwork, in and out of the loo in 2 mins (front to back, fold, lift and shift) and then last couple of years I've had a few bouts of this.  I was suffering badly with this issue at Glastonbury this year and basically it impacted (pun definitely intended) on my Thursday quite a bit, but once I'd shifted the bulk of the problem all the walking and fluids sorted me out.

As for my vote, handypack tissues, take twice as many as you think you'll need and always take 3 packs when you leave the tent, as you never know how long you'll be gone...nothing worse than last hankie anxiety,

[LondonTom]

3 hours ago, Gnomicide said:

Martin Ashford admitting to an unorthodox approach in the Headliners thread. 

It explains the hand prints you occasionally see ...

[lucyginger]

17 hours ago, windy_miller said:

I was about to post this very question.  The correct orientation is "over".  My wife always goes for "under" so I am forever correcting the orientation of the loo role in our house.  I will also turn loo rolls round in other people's houses if they are the wrong way round because it annoys me so much!

 

I change other people's loo roll too! In fact, I had a conversation with my bf's parents at xmas about how upsetting it is to find loo roll the wrong way round. 

[Spindles]

I know people like you, the ones who complain the cutlery drawer is in the wrong location and tell you how to stack your pans.

[stuartbert two hats]

As far as orientation goes, there are two kinds of people:  Those who prefer "over" and those who don't care.  Over is best*!

 

*Apart from kitchen roll, then it's under so the serration can do its business.

 

[lucyginger]

11 hours ago, Spindles said:

 

As for my vote, handypack tissues, take twice as many as you think you'll need and always take 3 packs when you leave the tent, as you never know how long you'll be gone...nothing worse than last hankie anxiety,

It's the only time we all become experts at origami. 

[sloseph]

my wife changes the toilet roll orientation every time we go to my parents house, it's been 8 years and my parents have never mentioned it

[incident]

16 minutes ago, sloseph said:

my wife changes the toilet roll orientation every time we go to my parents house, it's been 8 years and my parents have never mentioned it

It's entirely possible they've not noticed. It's unlikely I'd notice if anyone did it in my house.

I mean seriously, it goes on whichever way it happens to be facing when I replace it.

[mr gumby]

This thread seems to have turned into a Jon Richardson routine. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

16 hours ago, slash's hat said:

A lasting image : (

It could be worse - at least it doesn't involve having to use the backactor of a JCB.

[Woffy]

3 hours ago, incident said:

It's entirely possible they've not noticed. It's unlikely I'd notice if anyone did it in my house.

I mean seriously, it goes on whichever way it happens to be facing when I replace it.

I think an element of OCD is involved. 

[Ommadawn]

This thread fills me with dread but strangely I have to keep coming back to read it.

Have any of you thought about taking over a long drop block and holding a mini-meet so that the various techniques discussed in the pages above can be demonstrated to all and voted upon?

Edited January 21, 2016 by Ommadawn

[___S_o_m_a__]

4 hours ago, Woffy said:

I think an element of OCD is involved. 

Do continue.

[Woffy]

6 minutes ago, ___S_o_m_a__ said:

Do continue.

I feel utterly spoilt. 

[Purple aki squat]

On 19 January 2016 at 8:46 AM, Frankly Mr Shankly said:

I do not squat my good man, I perch, like an elegant owl.

We'll see

[H.M.V]

OMFG its over, the toilet roll goes over. I was at a party and there was an 'under' person there. Everytime either of us went to the loo it would be back to the previous position. Under for me to be changed to over and over for them to change (judders) under. Whoever they are, they are a fucking c**t of the highest order. Its fucking OVER!!!! 

And breathe

[Gnomicide]

Toilet roll holders, whether positioned under or over, are for the bourgeoisie. Just leave the loo roll sitting on the back of the loo, or the side of the bath if feeling frivolous.