Getting over a break up?

[eFestivals]

Glad to see it's not just me with tony.

[LondonTom]

She smells of w*nk and shit.

You watch each other.

[eFestivals]

well it's no surprise that you and he agree

I said decisions are emotional and logical.

not to me you didn't. I argued a different point, and you eventually admitted I was right.

But don't let that stop you making it up.

[russycarps]

well it's no surprise that you and he agree

I said decisions are emotional and logical. Russy presented a document which says the same. Then he says it disproves what I said...

you were arguing about making purely rational and logical decisions.

I think my frontal lobe has melted after todays exchange

Edited November 5, 2014 by russycarps

[Bisque]

Wow guys, this thread has cheered me up with some of your posts (along with the Taylor Swift thread).

Moving out tomorrow, going to be a knackering & emotional day.

I think I just need a good shag.

[LondonTom]

I think I just need a good shag.

and a shit

[russycarps]

Hang on, I thought you said he should view the situation completely rationally and with cold logic.

Surely then you cannot imagine how it will be an emotional day?

[russycarps]

There is nothing complicated about logic, isn't that the whole point of it?

[kaosmark2]

I'm a complex person

like most of us

I'd have said you're rather simple.

like Barry.

[russycarps]

it's simple and complicated.... especially when emotions are involved

Hang on, break ups are simple according to your earlier posts. Yet surely they are one of the most emotional experiences a person can have. So they are simple and complicated all at the same time?

I'm just trying to clarify your current position is all.

[grumpyhack]

As people grow older they change. I'm not the same person I was 20 years ago or 30 years ago. Our jobs change, our interests change.

If you are lucky your partner's interests change broadly along with yours. But they don't always and then, sometimes, one of the couple takes the difficult decision to part.

That's it.

[feral chile]

I should charge for this you know. I think over the years I've raised your IQ by at least 50 points.

http://metablog.borntothink.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/1994-Damasio-Descartes-Error.pdf

yes, he's grieving over the breakup. So his reason is telling him that the breakup is bad (that's where the decision making/emotional salience relationship comes in - he could have felt relieved etc. how does that jump to rationally choosing to change his response to anger?

That's cold!

[feral chile]

Absolutely! Totally logical. The person wwho made the decision understands but the other one might not. Nothing illogical there.

I think, though, that russycarp's link is stating the obvious - the one who wants to leave is unhappy with staying, and that informs their decision to leave. The other partner reacts to this, could be with grief, anger, relief, etc.and that informs their reaction to the breakup.

Edited November 5, 2014 by feral chile

[lost]

As people grow older they change. I'm not the same person I was 20 years ago or 30 years ago. Our jobs change, our interests change.

If you are lucky your partner's interests change broadly along with yours. But they don't always and then, sometimes, one of the couple takes the difficult decision to part.

That's it.

agree with this.. a huge amount of friends seemed to go through breakups in their late 20's to early 30's as their girlfriends switched from guys who were fun/interesting/exciting to provider types, and before I'm accused of being misogynistic, some were definitely the mans fault too by not being willing to change (not commiting or not wanting kids yet etc.. )

[feral chile]

agree with this.. a huge amount of friends seemed to go through breakups in their late 20's to early 30's as their girlfriends switched from guys who were fun/interesting/exciting to provider types, and before I'm accused of being misogynistic, some were definitely the mans fault too by not being willing to change (not commiting or not wanting kids yet etc.. )

yes, my marriage broke up for a while when we were in our twenties. But we were such strong friends, and still fiercely protective of each other, that we came to our senses. When you're battling your own parents and divorce solicitors to protect the other person, it kind of makes you wonder what the hell you're doing!

[feral chile]

Yea, I got that. It's (partly) what I've been saying

yes, I know you got that, I'm just not sure what russy's point was, and what the contested points were.

[Bisque]

Never before would I have thought to have started a thread about this, but I knew you guys are nice people & have genuine advice. Thanks.

[Bisque]

Btw my housemate has set me up on Tinder & I have no idea what to do...

[viberunner]

[There's nothing complicated about logic] Unless it's female logic.

Female logic is basically the same as male logic minus rationality and accountability.

(Thanks for that one Mr Nicholson)

[viberunner]

Btw my housemate has set me up on Tinder & I have no idea what to do...

The first thing you have to do is be grateful they did not set you up on Grindr...

[jump]

Because all males are so rational and accountable...

However hilarious it might seem, these backward ideas do nothing to help anyone have any meaningful relationship with someone of the other sex. All it does is perpetuate some of the causes of breakdowns in them (the relationships)

Really.

What if they are a gay couple and they bond over making fun of the other sex though?

[fred quimby]

Btw my housemate has set me up on Tinder & I have no idea what to do...

Buy Condoms

[LondonTom]

Btw my housemate has set me up on Tinder & I have no idea what to do...

Add interests to your profile, like "shiting together"

Edited November 6, 2014 by LondonTom

[feral chile]

Aw Couchy, I hope some of this has been helpful. As usual we've degenerated into debate and banter, but you know we mean you well

[Katster]

Personally I've always found focussing on the positives to be more beneficial...you can say yes to far more invitations as a single person, and I always loved not knowing where those invitations would take me and the people I got to meet. As a couple you are more inclined to enjoy each others company (you'd hope!) so you don't much want to go out - but it's different when its just you. Unless you fancy staying in for a w*nk, of course. There's other positives too - your stuff always stays where YOU put it, if you can't be arsed getting dressed nobody bothers, you listen to your music and watch what you want. So yeah, pull yourself together and stop complaining - concentrate on all those things you never got round to doing because she distracted you