Getting over a break up?

[russycarps]

Perhaps it's time to imagine her having a shit then. All red faced and straining.

[Bisque]

We used to poo in front of each other :-(

[grumpyhack]

Perhaps that's why she's gone.

[t8yman]

We used to poo in front of each other :-(

Oh dear, never, ever done that. And we have been together over 20 years. Thats not something I ever want to see/hear. My missus has never even farted in my company.

[russycarps]

Oh dear, never, ever done that. And we have been together over 20 years. Thats not something I ever want to see/hear. My missus has never even farted in my company.

Quite right.

There's certain things you dont need to share with each other. I could think of nothing worse than watching my partner whilst she curls out a u-bend buster accompanied by a fanfare of farts.

And I'm sure these thoughts are reciprocated by her.

I even lock the door whilst I'm taking a shit when I'm in the house alone. We are British for goodness sake.

[russycarps]

How do you pretend to not like someone you do?

By picturing them having a shit. Do keep up.

[russycarps]

if picturing someone having shit makes you not like them, you can't have been very fond of them in the first place

which, as I understand it, isn't the case here

It's a matter of trying to knock her down off the pedestal he's put her on. But yes, the fact they enjoyed turding in front of each other means it isnt a suitable method I agree.

Perhaps he needs to now focus on her reversing onto this new fellas trumpet to inspire feelings of closure. That will surely do the trick.Though next he'll be telling us they were swingers....

[jump]

and you might end up unnecessarily bitter and twisted and in an unhelpful place to move on and have another relationship (if that's what he wants)

It's different strokes for different folks with its own pros and cons, the same way being friends may cause slow burning damage by still loving but not with them or by ignoring them may mean you never get closure.

Focusing on the negatives may lead to them to becoming a twisted and bitter person who one day will dress up a homeless person as their ex just to brutally murder them in a fit of rage but at least it's still better them loving them!

[jump]

focussing on the negatives is very different to pretending you hate them

Don't be so hung up on the word hate, it's too strong use of the word but since you're trying to manufacture dislike for them it's better to go over the top.

[russycarps]

focussing on the negatives is very different to pretending you hate them

everyone is different though. Hate works for some, not others. All we can do is suggest multiple different ideas to couchy and hope one works for him.

[russycarps]

There isn't anyone I know who would conjure up hate from nowhere for someone, that I'd want to spend any time with. It's daft. I do know people who hate pointlessly. They're not very nice people usually.

well it's probably best you stick to your little bubble then.

I'm sure when your wife leaves you for another man you'll have nothing but kind thoughts.

[russycarps]

nice

but yes, I'd be very stupid to write off nearly 40 years of happiness because of it. to do otherwise would be to render most of my life a sad mistake. And that would help me?

It's a short term measure. You wouldnt write off the marriage forever. In time you would view it for whatever it was. But focusing on the negatives will help in getting over someone, for a lot of people. It's not exactly a radical concept.

[jump]

There isn't anyone I know who would conjure up hate from nowhere for someone, that I'd want to spend any time with. It's daft. I do know people who hate pointlessly. They're not very nice people usually.

The thing is break ups aren't a rational/logical process where you spend 10mins at home thinking about then accepting them, it involves a lot of emotion which alot of them are negative. In an ideal world it would be great with breaks up are amicable but at the end of the day it's someone you love rejecting you and for some people trying to stay postive about that person simply wont work.

[jump]

Break ups are a totally rational/logical process. Thinking otherwise is just another stumbling block in getting over a difficult time

Rubbish, if it was a logical process then there would be no emotion involved and the reason break ups are hard is because there was a lot of emotion towards that person.

[eFestivals]

It's a matter of trying to knock her down off the pedestal he's put her on. But yes, the fact they enjoyed turding in front of each other means it isnt a suitable method I agree.

Perhaps he needs to now focus on her reversing onto this new fellas trumpet to inspire feelings of closure. That will surely do the trick.Though next he'll be telling us they were swingers....

damn you, I now need to clean coffee off my screen.

[eFestivals]

Break ups are a totally rational/logical process.

not when it's not a mutual decision, it's not.

If one side doesn't wish to break up, the whole idea of breaking up is flawed.

[eFestivals]

Just because it's upsetting doesn't mean it's not logical. Death? Is that illogical too?

death is an unavoidable consequence of life, and therefore logical.

There's no reason or every reason why a relationship should end, or not end.

[jump]

Just because it's upsetting doesn't mean it's not logical. Death? Is that illogical too?

If it's upsetting then there is an emotion so it doesn't make it a " totally rational/logical process", you can't simply decide to accept it, you have to come to terms with it which is mostly about emotions towards the person and the situation.

[eFestivals]

one person might not understand why the relationship is over. That doesn't make it illogical

for that person, yes it does.

FFS.

[TheGayTent]

Have a w*nk

[eFestivals]

it feels illogical. But it's not, there will always be reasons for it.

For all the while it feels illogical to that person, it feels wrong to have happened.

The rational thoughts of that person do not match the circumstances. It's an irrational happening.

FFS. You really don't get what logic is, do you?

[eFestivals]

so, if someone says they don't understand why someone died, and to them it is an illogical event, then the event IS illogical?

nope, they're just a bit thick.

Death is inevitable. Relationship break-ups are not.

[russycarps]

so only the inevitable is logical?

are you Mr Spock?

[jump]

so, if someone says they don't understand why someone died, and to them it is an illogical event, then the event IS illogical?

There's a difference between mourning someone and finding out someone has died.

[eFestivals]

so only the inevitable is logical?

It is a fact that death is going to happen. It is not a fact that a relationship will break down. Because of that difference, the emotional approaches to those things can be different.

Emotions can be both logical, or not. When a relationship ends that a person thinks shouldn't end, there is a conflict between what has happened and the emotions towards it, which makes the whole thing illogical/irrational in that person's head.