How do you feel?

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

1 hour ago, MrZigster said:

I think I'm correct in saying this is NHS End of Life Funding she is getting. Which I suspect may be a completely different kettle of fish to NHS Continuing Healthcare funding. Can see in three months time wherever she ends up going, "oh. she's not dying, our bad, now sell the house to pay for this".

I'm personally not convinced she is actually on her way out. I've seen her play possum like this too often during the last four years. Mentioned this to The Doc but they were insistent that they've, "...seen this lots of times before". Maybe I should thrust their judgement and am in denial a bit?

If the doctors say they have seen it before lots of times, I'd tend to believe them. They have nothing to gain either way. They will be telling you the truth, as far as they see it. However, you might want to ask the same doctor(s) f they have ever got it wrong, and if so, how significantly wrong. There may be scope for a longer life. I'd just accept their stance as long as it is paying the way. Only question if it suits your needs to do so.

[MrZigster]

Sad to post that my mother passed on sometime in the first hour of yesterday morning.

On 2/3/2024 at 3:05 PM, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

That's good that they'll fund the care aspect.

As to the other aspect, it's a tough one. I'm going through it myself. My mom has dementia and is getting very frail. There's only one way its going now. I don't know how it'll hit me when she goes.

I was never sure how I would deal. Presumed I'd be a bit of a wreck.

I got the phone call and was obviously a bit weepy for a while. I was a good few hours away at work unfortunately but something kicked in, in a, "step up to the plate", kind of way. Starting with, "how the f**k am I going to get back home". Sorted that and turned out I needn't have panicked as there's not a lot you can really do at five/six in the morning.

Spent yesterday informing people. Reconnected with Uncle and Aunt on Dad's side.

This afternoon I have managed to get the funeral sorted(ish), registrar appointment made, and the will and insurance (I think) papers found. Plus got an assurance from the GP's that they will be doing the necessary paperwork that I need to get things really moving by tomorrow. Would've also cleared out the room in the home she'd spent the last week in if it hadn't been pouring hard. Booked the car in for it's M.O.T. and service instead.

So quite a productive 36 hours and I'm not the wreck I thought I may've become (yet. Let's not tempt fate).

Hope that's of some reassurance for you @Yoghurt on a Stickand heartfelt thanks to yourself and @Skip997for your support over the last few weeks.

Apologies to everyone else for the venting.

_______________________

Came back from doing the above to an email suggesting that I may have my in to the festival.

Which was nice.

So feeling surprisingly upbeat for someone who should be grieving.

 

[Mich1268]

4 minutes ago, MrZigster said:

Sad to post that my mother passed on sometime in the first hour of yesterday morning.

I was never sure how I would deal. Presumed I'd be a bit of a wreck.

I got the phone call and was obviously a bit weepy for a while. I was a good few hours away at work unfortunately but something kicked in, in a, "step up to the plate", kind of way. Starting with, "how the f**k am I going to get back home". Sorted that and turned out I needn't have panicked as there's not a lot you can really do at five/six in the morning.

Spent yesterday informing people. Reconnected with Uncle and Aunt on Dad's side.

This afternoon I have managed to get the funeral sorted(ish), registrar appointment made, and the will and insurance (I think) papers found. Plus got an assurance from the GP's that they will be doing the necessary paperwork that I need to get things really moving by tomorrow. Would've also cleared out the room in the home she'd spent the last week in if it hadn't been pouring hard. Booked the car in for it's M.O.T. and service instead.

So quite a productive 36 hours and I'm not the wreck I thought I may've become (yet. Let's not tempt fate).

Hope that's of some reassurance for you @Yoghurt on a Stickand heartfelt thanks to yourself and @Skip997for your support over the last few weeks.

Apologies to everyone else for the venting.

_______________________

Came back from doing the above to an email suggesting that I may have my in to the festival.

Which was nice.

So feeling surprisingly upbeat for someone who should be grieving.

 

Thank you for this post. Not sure I need or can say much more. Well,  maybe something.  I have elderly parents. Dad is not kind. Mum has dementia. I just wanna be free

[MrZigster]

2 minutes ago, Mich1268 said:

Thank you for this post. Not sure I need or can say much more. Well,  maybe something.  I have elderly parents. Dad is not kind. Mum has dementia. I just wanna be free

I hear and feel you. It's both relief and grief in a double punch.

[Mich1268]

Just now, MrZigster said:

I hear and feel you. It's both relief and grief in a double punch.

Yes it is. Take care of yourself 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

26 minutes ago, MrZigster said:

 

So feeling surprisingly upbeat for someone who should be grieving.

 

There will be times when you will grieve and times when you wont. 

All the best.

[Helsbels]

1 hour ago, MrZigster said:

Sad to post that my mother passed on sometime in the first hour of yesterday morning.

I was never sure how I would deal. Presumed I'd be a bit of a wreck.

I got the phone call and was obviously a bit weepy for a while. I was a good few hours away at work unfortunately but something kicked in, in a, "step up to the plate", kind of way. Starting with, "how the f**k am I going to get back home". Sorted that and turned out I needn't have panicked as there's not a lot you can really do at five/six in the morning.

Spent yesterday informing people. Reconnected with Uncle and Aunt on Dad's side.

This afternoon I have managed to get the funeral sorted(ish), registrar appointment made, and the will and insurance (I think) papers found. Plus got an assurance from the GP's that they will be doing the necessary paperwork that I need to get things really moving by tomorrow. Would've also cleared out the room in the home she'd spent the last week in if it hadn't been pouring hard. Booked the car in for it's M.O.T. and service instead.

So quite a productive 36 hours and I'm not the wreck I thought I may've become (yet. Let's not tempt fate).

Hope that's of some reassurance for you @Yoghurt on a Stickand heartfelt thanks to yourself and @Skip997for your support over the last few weeks.

Apologies to everyone else for the venting.

_______________________

Came back from doing the above to an email suggesting that I may have my in to the festival.

Which was nice.

So feeling surprisingly upbeat for someone who should be grieving.

 

First of all I'm so sorry for your loss. Although it was on the cards I can't imagine how it is when it finally happens.

In a very similar situation here with my Dad and very much feel in limbo right now. He came out of hospital a week ago but not going to get better. Miraculously the hospital did a fasttrack for Continuing Healthcare which he'd been refused previously (despite the fact that the only thing he could do for himself was have a shave,he had a really bad stroke 8 years ago) and its been approved, well for 3 months anyway. Although not sure he'll be here then.

There's no rights or wrongs to this and I guess everyone's journey is different. You just do you...

Hope all the arrangements go as smoothly as possible for you.

Silver lining in getting into the festival. Thinking of Glasto is one thing keeping me sane at the moment.

 

[gigpusher]

11 hours ago, MrZigster said:

Sad to post that my mother passed on sometime in the first hour of yesterday morning.

I was never sure how I would deal. Presumed I'd be a bit of a wreck.

I got the phone call and was obviously a bit weepy for a while. I was a good few hours away at work unfortunately but something kicked in, in a, "step up to the plate", kind of way. Starting with, "how the f**k am I going to get back home". Sorted that and turned out I needn't have panicked as there's not a lot you can really do at five/six in the morning.

Spent yesterday informing people. Reconnected with Uncle and Aunt on Dad's side.

This afternoon I have managed to get the funeral sorted(ish), registrar appointment made, and the will and insurance (I think) papers found. Plus got an assurance from the GP's that they will be doing the necessary paperwork that I need to get things really moving by tomorrow. Would've also cleared out the room in the home she'd spent the last week in if it hadn't been pouring hard. Booked the car in for it's M.O.T. and service instead.

So quite a productive 36 hours and I'm not the wreck I thought I may've become (yet. Let's not tempt fate).

Hope that's of some reassurance for you @Yoghurt on a Stickand heartfelt thanks to yourself and @Skip997for your support over the last few weeks.

Apologies to everyone else for the venting.

_______________________

Came back from doing the above to an email suggesting that I may have my in to the festival.

Which was nice.

So feeling surprisingly upbeat for someone who should be grieving.

 

Sorry to hear your sad news. I know you've had a tough time of it recently and your Mum has been very unwell for some time. Allow yourself all the feelings. They are all valid (even the slight happiness about Glastonbury and even any relief that the caring duties and need to keep fighting for her is finally at an end) Grief is not a straight line and there are many ups and downs along the way.

[clarkete]

13 hours ago, MrZigster said:

Sad to post that my mother passed on sometime in the first hour of yesterday morning.

I was never sure how I would deal. Presumed I'd be a bit of a wreck.

I got the phone call and was obviously a bit weepy for a while. I was a good few hours away at work unfortunately but something kicked in, in a, "step up to the plate", kind of way. Starting with, "how the f**k am I going to get back home". Sorted that and turned out I needn't have panicked as there's not a lot you can really do at five/six in the morning.

Spent yesterday informing people. Reconnected with Uncle and Aunt on Dad's side.

This afternoon I have managed to get the funeral sorted(ish), registrar appointment made, and the will and insurance (I think) papers found. Plus got an assurance from the GP's that they will be doing the necessary paperwork that I need to get things really moving by tomorrow. Would've also cleared out the room in the home she'd spent the last week in if it hadn't been pouring hard. Booked the car in for it's M.O.T. and service instead.

So quite a productive 36 hours and I'm not the wreck I thought I may've become (yet. Let's not tempt fate).

Hope that's of some reassurance for you @Yoghurt on a Stickand heartfelt thanks to yourself and @Skip997for your support over the last few weeks.

Apologies to everyone else for the venting.

_______________________

Came back from doing the above to an email suggesting that I may have my in to the festival.

Which was nice.

So feeling surprisingly upbeat for someone who should be grieving.

 

Very sorry for your loss and the terrible time you've had.

There will be plenty of time to grieve and it can hit at surprising times - mind you that's easy for me to say as I've blubbed at the slightest provocation on occasion. 

[giantkatestacks]

Sorry for your loss @zigsteryou've done so much in such a short space of time - remember to take some time for yourself.

You may find that there's moments at Glastonbury that push you right over the edge. They come less often for me now and I just roll with them. 

[Superscally]

17 hours ago, MrZigster said:

Sad to post that my mother passed on sometime in the first hour of yesterday morning.

I was never sure how I would deal. Presumed I'd be a bit of a wreck.

I got the phone call and was obviously a bit weepy for a while. I was a good few hours away at work unfortunately but something kicked in, in a, "step up to the plate", kind of way. Starting with, "how the f**k am I going to get back home". Sorted that and turned out I needn't have panicked as there's not a lot you can really do at five/six in the morning.

Spent yesterday informing people. Reconnected with Uncle and Aunt on Dad's side.

This afternoon I have managed to get the funeral sorted(ish), registrar appointment made, and the will and insurance (I think) papers found. Plus got an assurance from the GP's that they will be doing the necessary paperwork that I need to get things really moving by tomorrow. Would've also cleared out the room in the home she'd spent the last week in if it hadn't been pouring hard. Booked the car in for it's M.O.T. and service instead.

So quite a productive 36 hours and I'm not the wreck I thought I may've become (yet. Let's not tempt fate).

Hope that's of some reassurance for you @Yoghurt on a Stickand heartfelt thanks to yourself and @Skip997for your support over the last few weeks.

Apologies to everyone else for the venting.

_______________________

Came back from doing the above to an email suggesting that I may have my in to the festival.

Which was nice.

So feeling surprisingly upbeat for someone who should be grieving.

 

Ah mate. ☹️ 

[Skip997]

Sorry to hear that @MrZigster, take care of yourself. 

[StoneCircle]

23 hours ago, MrZigster said:

Sad to post that my mother passed on sometime in the first hour of yesterday morning.

So sorry to hear this, only just seen this post. Sending you my heartfelt condolences. 😥 It's approaching 18 years since I lost mine and I still occasionally feel so lost without her. Take care and treasure your memories of her in better times. x

[noplacelikehome]

Sorry for your loss x

[MrZigster]

Thanks to everyone who has posted supportive messages. I only posted to try to reassure @Yoghurt on a Stick so am very touched.

On 2/21/2024 at 10:39 PM, Helsbels said:

First of all I'm so sorry for your loss. Although it was on the cards I can't imagine how it is when it finally happens.

In a very similar situation here with my Dad and very much feel in limbo right now. He came out of hospital a week ago but not going to get better. Miraculously the hospital did a fasttrack for Continuing Healthcare which he'd been refused previously (despite the fact that the only thing he could do for himself was have a shave,he had a really bad stroke 8 years ago) and its been approved, well for 3 months anyway. Although not sure he'll be here then.

There's no rights or wrongs to this and I guess everyone's journey is different. You just do you...

Hope all the arrangements go as smoothly as possible for you.

Silver lining in getting into the festival. Thinking of Glasto is one thing keeping me sane at the moment.

 

It is unimaginable I think.

Very, very similar situation. Was so relieved to get the CHC funding at the end. Even if it only was for the last week or two. Pretty sure the in home care company had the majority of my mum's savings in the years prior to that. Possibly to the extent where her funds went below the limit where she should have still been paying (yet to get to the bottom of that kind of thing). Still of the mind that she qualified for CHC under the criteria well before she was approved. Like I will keep saying. It's a buried national scandal. So many people don't even know it exists including the professionals that should.

On 2/22/2024 at 8:07 AM, gigpusher said:

Sorry to hear your sad news. I know you've had a tough time of it recently and your Mum has been very unwell for some time. Allow yourself all the feelings. They are all valid (even the slight happiness about Glastonbury and even any relief that the caring duties and need to keep fighting for her is finally at an end) Grief is not a straight line and there are many ups and downs along the way.

I am feeling more relief than grief if I'm honest. Tough time is right. To say we had a fractious relationship would be an understatement. Hence the not knowing anything about finances thing as she always refused to discuss anything regarding that or ongoing care plans or anything really. Made things way harder than they ever really needed to be.

On 2/22/2024 at 10:03 AM, clarkete said:

Very sorry for your loss and the terrible time you've had.

There will be plenty of time to grieve and it can hit at surprising times - mind you that's easy for me to say as I've blubbed at the slightest provocation on occasion. 

Also always been prone to blubbing at nothing.

On 2/22/2024 at 10:47 AM, giantkatestacks said:

Sorry for your loss @zigsteryou've done so much in such a short space of time - remember to take some time for yourself.

You may find that there's moments at Glastonbury that push you right over the edge. They come less often for me now and I just roll with them. 

Thanks. Yeah I was amazed at how much I got done that first day.

I am now at a stalemate however as I'm still waiting for THAT bit of paper from the GP. Can't really do anything officially without it. It's the reason I can't see my mum according to the funeral directors. The coroner has done their bit and emailed the GP and the registrar, but I had to cancel the registrar appointment this afternoon as apparently the GP hasn't done their bit and was off today. From what I can gather the coroner sent the email on Monday (to the registrar anyway) but strange that they (coroner) only phoned me yesterday (Tuesday) to confirm mum's details.

I am working tomorrow and Friday so have tentatively rebooked the registrar for Monday. I say tentatively because there is some discrepancy over which day my mum actually died. I was told by the care home she was checked at Midnight on the 20th and was still breathing but when checked at one she had gone. But the coroner has written the 19th on everything. The funeral home have 20th on the paperwork from care home. I told the coroner yesterday to recheck this but they obviously haven't. The funeral home are going to get on the coroners case regarding this as everything has to match. So I can see that delaying things even further.

So feeling pretty pissed off at the moment. Was expecting a small step towards closure today. It feels good to vent though.

[clarkete]

Wasn't sure the appropriate vote for "thanks for letting us know, take care of yourself, thinking of you" 

[gigpusher]

@MrZigsterHope things get easier soon and don't feel guilty for the relief I know people who have a great relationship with their parents who have gotten to the stage of just wishing it was over. It must be doubly tough if you have a fractious relationship as well. You did your best for them and once the last bit is over you'll get to live your life again. You'll still get the moments of grief but as I said before all your emotions about this are valid.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

It's a tough time for you right now MrZigster, but it will get easier. Your own life will return for you to enjoy. Keep that in mind. 

[Talcroft]

How long is it till we're in the fields and how many email kickings can we tolerate before then? 

Half a mind to Lizzo everyone this week and tell em I quit.