Glastonbury Would You Rather...

[somecoolusername]

9 minutes ago, Will-2609 said:

The Foals one isn't actually that interesting. Just when a pit opened up a guy was pressed so hard up against me I could feel my penis between his bum cheeks, so it's now become a thing that I fucked a guy during Foals.

The shitting on a plate story. Well... I'd been struggling to shit all weekend (and I was feeling desperate), and I had a theory that it may have been some kind of pooing stage fright. Eventually I couldn't take any more and I was literally in pain and needed to force myself to go, somehow. So I decided to try going in a bin liner in my tent (I was ruined and scared for my body). Turned out this was much more difficult than I expected, but I did manage to get it out in the end (although during my efforts I forgot that you can wee during a poo which caused a little mess (yes this is the second story I've posted on here about urinating inside my tent)). Then once I was finally done I left my tent with said bin liner in hand, ready to go empty it into the longdrops. As I came out of my tent the bin liner passed near to my friend's head who panicked and swung his hand at it to get it away. In doing so he actually knocked my hand/the bag so that it tipped out and two giant green boulders of turds landed on a paper plate in the middle of our camp, making the biggest thud I've heard in all my years (seriously, it sounded like a piano falling to the floor).

I have many questions. Firstly: why would shitting in your tent, where anyone could come in at any moment, be better for shitting stage fright than a toilet? 

[Wellyboot]

11 minutes ago, GETOFFAMYLAWN said:

Would you rather be banned from Glastonbury for life but you are still yourself; or have guaranteed free ticket ever year for life, but you have to turn into Will?

I'd be Will. I've never shat on a plate before 

[lucyginger]

1 minute ago, Wellyboot said:

I'd be Will. I've never shat on a plate before 

There still time!

[Lucy92]

10 minutes ago, Deaf Nobby Burton said:

 

Would you rather you'd asked and know the truth, or would you rather go back to a more innocent time before you knew?

I've learnt a valuable lesson here 

 

Although I feel like I have so many questions. Did they just leave it on the plate? Did they have to walk the plate like some kind of walk of shame to the long drops? @Will-2609

Edited April 24, 2017 by Lucy92

[lucyginger]

Just now, Lucy92 said:

I've learnt a valuable lesson here 

We all have!

[Woffy]

2 minutes ago, lucyginger said:

There still time!

To be fair, I don't think lack of time is the key factor preventing most people from shitting on a plate, Lucy!

[Wellyboot]

13 minutes ago, lucyginger said:

There still time!

And we're sharing a tent 

[the wonderwhy]

15 minutes ago, Will-2609 said:

The shitting on a plate story. Well... I'd been struggling to shit all weekend (and I was feeling desperate), and I had a theory that it may have been some kind of pooing stage fright. Eventually I couldn't take any more and I was literally in pain and needed to force myself to go, somehow. So I decided to try going in a bin liner in my tent (I was ruined and scared for my body). Turned out this was much more difficult than I expected, but I did manage to get it out in the end (although during my efforts I forgot that you can wee during a poo which caused a little mess (yes this is the second story I've posted on here about urinating inside my tent)). Then once I was finally done I left my tent with said bin liner in hand, ready to go empty it into the longdrops. As I came out of my tent the bin liner passed near to my friend's head who panicked and swung his hand at it to get it away. In doing so he actually knocked my hand/the bag so that it tipped out and two giant green boulders of turds landed on a paper plate in the middle of our camp, making the biggest thud I've heard in all my years (seriously, it sounded like a piano falling to the floor).

When I was at Bestival last year I dropped some acid but forgot to go to the loo first. As I was coming up I realised I really needed a shit, but I decided I couldn't face their foul toilets so would ride it out. Ended up being the worst decision of my life as about 1/2 hour into my trip I farted and then spent the next few hours wandering around the festival convinced I'd shat myself and had this monster turd running down my leg in plain view of everyone. I think I must've gone in nearly every single portaloo on site to check I hadn't done a poo. Eventually I had to go have a lie down & I wound up seeing precisely one full set that evening

[Gucci Piggy]

10 minutes ago, Lucy92 said:

I've learnt a valuable lesson here 

 

Although I feel like I have so many questions. Did they just leave it on the plate? Did they have to walk the plate like some kind of walk of shame to the long drops? @Will-2609

I think it's still there next to Arcadia.

[Gucci Piggy]

14 minutes ago, somecoolusername said:

I have many questions. Firstly: why would shitting in your tent, where anyone could come in at any moment, be better for shitting stage fright than a toilet? 

Hahahaha. Nah all my friends were sat outside my tent, absolutely disgusted, trying to pretend it wasn't happening. Was no chance of anyone coming in.

Also whilst I was doing this Craig Charles was on Arcadia so I was having a nice time listening to that. I hope none of the lights were shining on my tent so that he could see a silhouette of me crouched down doing a poo. Also just realised my tent was literally next to the path with people walking past, and people stood there watching Arcadia.

[Lucy92]

This thread has taken quite the turn 

[Gucci Piggy]

24 minutes ago, Wellyboot said:

What were you both wearing???? 

I wish I didn't know about your poo 

I was wearing some trackies and a Doncaster Rovers shirt, I think. So if anyone saw somebody who fits that description having a good time at Foals it was me.

[JoBalls]

13 minutes ago, Lucy92 said:

This thread has taken quite the turn 

I have to say this is not what I anticipated when I started it...  

[Dyceloon]

14 minutes ago, Lucy92 said:

This thread has taken quite the turn 

quite the turd in fact

[Woffy]

2 minutes ago, JoBalls said:

I have to say this is not what I anticipated when I started it...  

...said Will as he began straining over the binbag. 

 

Will, you are a fucking wronglord. 

[JoBalls]

Was someone using the paper plate to eat off of at the time?

[OneLittleFish]

1 hour ago, parsonjack said:

Would you rather....live locally and have a 20 minute door to festival journey, or live 300 miles away and have a 2 day epic road trip with all the expectation that brings?

I travel from Aberdeen (via Glasgow) so it's over 500 miles away - I love it that way. Feels like a proper effort. Would much rather make it an adventure. Leave at around 0530 on the Tuesday morning, text 6Music with a request (which they never play but they do mention the trek to Glasto) - become a bit of a sad tradition.

Would you rather be able to only spend from sunrise to sunset at the festival or sunset to sunrise?

 

 

Edited April 24, 2017 by OneLittleFish

[mjsell]

46 minutes ago, OneLittleFish said:

Would you rather be able to only spend from sunrise to sunset at the festival or sunset to sunrise?

Sunrise to sunset for me. Maybe before my epilepsy it would be the other one, but even then not much comes close to a perfect sunny festival day. 

Would you rather constantly walk between stages but never be able to stay at one (so you only ever get a passing look at an act) or have to sit on the same spot at the same stage for the entire weekend?

[Richi1988]

16 minutes ago, mjsell said:

Sunrise to sunset for me. Maybe before my epilepsy it would be the other one, but even then not much comes close to a perfect sunny festival day. 

Would you rather constantly walk between stages but never be able to stay at one (so you only ever get a passing look at an act) or have to sit on the same spot at the same stage for the entire weekend?

Same stage all day long, at least you get to see some acts.

would you rather bee or a wasp?

[JoBalls]

Would you rather have a huge and painful blister on the bottom of your foot for the entire festival or not be able to clean your hands in any way for the entire festival?

[mjsell]

6 minutes ago, JoBalls said:

Would you rather have a huge and painful blister on the bottom of your foot for the entire festival or not be able to clean your hands in any way for the entire festival?

Not clean hands. 

If this thread has proven anything to me it is that feet and footwear are the most important thing at a festival 

(that and to just take some constipation tablets with me instead of trying to shit in my tent) 

Edited April 24, 2017 by mjsell

[somecoolusername]

19 minutes ago, JoBalls said:

Would you rather have a huge and painful blister on the bottom of your foot for the entire festival or not be able to clean your hands in any way for the entire festival?

Blister!!!! I am the only one in this thread fighting the hygiene corner 

 

[Wellyboot]

6 hours ago, somecoolusername said:

Blister!!!! I am the only one in this thread fighting the hygiene corner 

 

Yes you are 

[stuartbert two hats]

10 hours ago, MattDavies__ said:

Spend saturday night with a hundred duck-sized Dave Grohl's, or one Dave Grohl-sized duck? 

That really made me chuckle!

[Deaf Nobby Burton]

Would you rather have to hop around the festival for the entire time on one leg, Gareth Keenan style, or have both hands tied behind your back for the entire time and not be allowed to have anybody else help you eat and drink?

Edited April 25, 2017 by Deaf Nobby Burton