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By The Shed Roof Guy · Posted
Right, I know this is going to divide opinion more than a secret set announcement, but it’s time we settled the most important question in festival history: What is the best sauce? I’ve spent years researching this. Years. Countless meals. Countless food stalls. Countless chips consumed in fields while standing in a queue for a toilet that looked like it had survived several geological eras. And after all that, I still find myself returning to the same question. Is it ketchup? No. Not like him. Is it mayonnaise? No. Not like him. Is it garlic mayo? Closer. But not like him. Is it sweet chilli? A respectable contender. Yet still not like him. Is it curry sauce? Potentially. But also not like him. The turning point in my sauce journey came at Glastonbury. Specifically, near the legendary Goan fish curry stall. There I was, covered in approximately six different layers of dust, sunscreen, and regret, enjoying one of the greatest festival meals ever created. The sauce situation was immaculate. Balanced. Complex. Life-affirming. Meanwhile, nearby, I witnessed something that permanently altered my understanding of both festivals and humanity. A man was watching Slowdive with a crutch up his bum. Not metaphorically. Not spiritually. Not artistically. Actually standing there, watching Slowdive, with a crutch up his bum. And as I looked at him, silhouetted against the evening sky while dreamy guitars echoed across the field, I realised something important. The best sauce should aspire to greatness. Not like him. It should bring people together. Not like him. It should enhance the experience. Not like him. It should complement the main event. Not like him. It should be memorable. Though admittedly, like him. But preferably not like him. This brings me to the Bucket Classification System. For those unfamiliar, sauces can be divided into three categories. Bucket I. Bucket I is the elite tier. The headliners. The sauces that could close the Pyramid Stage on a Sunday night and nobody would complain. These are sauces that elevate food beyond its natural limitations. A good garlic mayo belongs in Bucket I. A properly executed festival curry sauce belongs in Bucket I. Certain chilli sauces belong in Bucket I. The sauce equivalent of arriving at your tent and discovering someone has actually put it up correctly. Not like him. Bucket II. Bucket II is respectable. Reliable. Dependable. Not spectacular, but solid. This is where standard ketchup often lives. A decent BBQ sauce. A reasonable burger sauce. The sort of sauces that show up, do their job, and go home. Unlike him. Not like him. Very much not like him. Bucket III. Now we enter dangerous territory. Bucket III is where disappointing sauces go. Watery sauces. Sauces that taste vaguely of administrative errors. Sauces that appear to have been diluted with rainwater collected from a collapsed gazebo. The sauces that make you question your choices. The sauces that look at a perfectly good portion of chips and think, “How can I make this worse?” Like the butter chicken sauce I got served at the We Are Stupid Dosas stand. Or the sizzling beef burrito served with potato wedge sauce. These belong in Bucket III. Not like him. Although possibly exactly like him. It’s difficult to say. I think the real test of a sauce is whether you’d cross a festival site specifically to get it. Would you leave your friends? Would you miss part of a set? Would you navigate through crowds of people dressed as bananas, pirates, and traffic cones? Would you walk from one side of the site to the other? If the answer is yes, then we’re talking Bucket I territory. If the answer is maybe, we’re looking at Bucket II. If the answer is no, straight into Bucket III. No appeal. No review process. No exceptions. Not like him. I return often to that moment at the Goan fish curry stall. The food. The atmosphere. The music. The philosophical questions. The mysterious Slowdive spectator. Some people search for meaning in books. Some search for meaning in religion. Some search for meaning in art. I search for meaning in sauce rankings. Not like him. And every year the evidence grows. Every year Bucket I becomes more refined. Every year Bucket II becomes more competitive. Every year Bucket III becomes more crowded. And every year I remember the man watching Slowdive with a crutch up his bum and remind myself that while festival experiences may vary wildly, good sauce remains eternal. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. Not like him. So my current rankings are: Bucket I: Garlic mayo Proper curry sauce Premium chilli sauce Exceptional festival-exclusive mystery sauces Bucket II: Ketchup BBQ sauce Burger sauce Sweet chilli Bucket III: The watery unidentified substances occasionally found beside chips Anything described as “light” but tasting of sadness Any sauce that somehow makes food drier Sizzling beef burrito Debate below. And before anyone asks: no, the crutch was not a sauce. At least I hope not. Not like him. -
By chilirocker · Posted
Now we're over for another year - headliner predictions time: Phoebe Bridgers Rosalia Bjork Doechii The Strokes Tame Impala Massive Attack And the reunion band: Boards of Canada -
€245->275 + fees early bird for 2025 ticket holders €265->295 + fees for non-2025 ticket holders My guess is they add a lot (another 30 euros) but keep it under 300 for the optics. -
By FKA SOSOTWS · Posted
Any guesses for 2027 early bird ticket prices? I'm gonna say €290. -
That is very, very impressive. That’s about twice as much as me! My first Primavera, so there’s a lot to process, but I will try and review properly later. Lots of highs and lows (and a whole city to explore) completely wiped me out, but some incredible memories made.
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