Peeing your pants

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

13 minutes ago, clarkete said:

 

It's those life experiences that turned me into the man I am today.  Well I say man, more a broken down husk. 

 

My next door neighbour's ex boyfriend (a true psychopathic) once came into my house as my wife was next door seeing his girlfriend for a chat.Anyway, this deranged man came into my house and started talking about 'how us men should stick together'. I responded with the line 'I'm not a man'. You should have seen his face when I said that. Obviously I am indeed a male of the species, but I don't consider myself a 'man'. Well, not a man like him. About a month later, he ended up lifting his girlfriend (our neighbour who owns the house next door) up off the floor by her throat. Her kids came screaming and crying into us at our house. And then I was given no option other than to rush out of the front door and confront this angry martial art black belt bloke. I did manage to do that. I diverted his anger and he let her go. Then he started on me. To cut a long story short I came out of it quite well, considering. Only a few bruises and he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, if he's considered a man, I want no part of being a man.

[philipsteak]

4 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

Not directly related, but I have a friend who takes Imodium just before and during the festival, so that he doesn't have to go for a crap. Probably not the wisest thing to do health wise. 

 

And I dread to think of the state of the first toilet he encounters on Monday after he's used it.

[Ayrshire Chris]

7 minutes ago, philipsteak said:

 

And I dread to think of the state of the first toilet he encounters on Monday after he's used it.

The danger is he gets faecal impaction, and I don’t mean the Michael Douglas film. Basically overdosing Imodium can cause serious health issues, if the longdrops give you the fear then a little drop of Vicks on the nose  helps overcome the smell.

Edited April 17 by Ayrshire Chris

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

1 hour ago, philipsteak said:

 

And I dread to think of the state of the first toilet he encounters on Monday after he's used it.

 

Like Reservoir Dogs, but with sh*t instead of blood, I should imagine.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

1 hour ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

The danger is he gets faecal impaction, and I don’t mean the Michael Douglas film. Basically overdosing Imodium can cause serious health issues, if the longdrops give you the fear then a little drop of Vicks on the nose  helps overcome the smell.

 

I thought that it might be an unwise thing to do. Then again he's an absolute monster for drugs, so looking after himself isn't exactly a priority.

 

I have another mate who can do Glastonbury without having a sh*t, or taking Imodium. He has his last dump in a motorway service station (he can time such things) on the way down to the festival (from Birmingham) and then releases the 'Mother Load' in another service station on the way back to Birmingham. 

[Nuthugger]

4 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

 

My next door neighbour's ex boyfriend (a true psychopathic) once came into my house as my wife was next door seeing his girlfriend for a chat.Anyway, this deranged man came into my house and started talking about 'how us men should stick together'. I responded with the line 'I'm not a man'. You should have seen his face when I said that. Obviously I am indeed a male of the species, but I don't consider myself a 'man'. Well, not a man like him. About a month later, he ended up lifting his girlfriend (our neighbour who owns the house next door) up off the floor by her throat. Her kids came screaming and crying into us at our house. And then I was given no option other than to rush out of the front door and confront this angry martial art black belt bloke. I did manage to do that. I diverted his anger and he let her go. Then he started on me. To cut a long story short I came out of it quite well, considering. Only a few bruises and he knocked one of my teeth out. Now, if he's considered a man, I want no part of being a man.

i find the best way to fight someone like that is by sneaking up on them while theyre asleep

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

56 minutes ago, Nuthugger said:

i find the best way to fight someone like that is by sneaking up on them while theyre asleep

 

Unfortunately i couldn't enact that plan as I had no idea that it was going to happen. I can't do violence anyway. it makes me want to throw up when I'm in its presence.

[Mich1268]

This is a weird post but I would like to make it clear. I have not peed in my pants since I was 3 years old. It was a traumatic event at the time. 

[Ayrshire Chris]

2 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

 

I thought that it might be an unwise thing to do. Then again he's an absolute monster for drugs, so looking after himself isn't exactly a priority.

 

I have another mate who can do Glastonbury without having a sh*t, or taking Imodium. He has his last dump in a motorway service station (he can time such things) on the way down to the festival (from Birmingham) and then releases the 'Mother Load' in another service station on the way back to Birmingham. 

Well that’s me avoiding the M5 services and waiting until I reach the M6 before risking a dump. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

23 minutes ago, Mich1268 said:

This is a weird post but I would like to make it clear. I have not peed in my pants since I was 3 years old. It was a traumatic event at the time. 

 

I have pissed myself twice as a fully grown adult. Both 'happenings' occurred when I was almost press ganged into driving around an OAP lady speed dealer. On both occasions I was, for a variety of reasons, unable to leave the car..

[4AssedMonkey]

On 4/17/2024 at 8:28 PM, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

 

Like Reservoir Dogs, but with sh*t instead of blood, I should imagine.

I got the raging shits in 2009 late on the Saturday afternoon. On reflection, probably too much, erm sweeties, cider and spicy food. When I got to Glasto Sainsburys on the way home on Monday, my stall was like that. I had no idea one digestive tract could hold so much. I had to do a mid-sh*t flush then carry on. I have Vietnam style flashbacks about those 2-3 days. Awful. Just awful.

[goldfishboy]

I remember when Supergrass played El Pointo in 1997, the singer left the stage and returned with a different pair of trousers on

[Ayrshire Chris]

24 minutes ago, goldfishboy said:

I remember when Supergrass played El Pointo in 1997, the singer left the stage and returned with a different pair of trousers on

Caught by the fuzz. 

[Bike_Like_A_Mum]

I can see despite my attempts to make this thread a clean point of discussion it has absolutely gone

down the toilet 🤣🤣

 

Wish I could unread some of these 😳

[Ayrshire Chris]

52 minutes ago, Bike_Like_A_Mum said:

I can see despite my attempts to make this thread a clean point of discussion it has absolutely gone

down the toilet 🤣🤣

 

Wish I could unread some of these 😳

Agree with that, mind you the thread title doesn’t exactly encourage moderate reasoned discussion. It’s more of a confessional utilising the anonymity of e fests. 

[wro_lap]

I absolutely love that this thread is still going

[bamber]

5 minutes ago, wro_lap said:

I absolutely love that this thread is still going

Yeah, but no. This page alone FFS?!

 

(men) pissing anywhere other than in a urinal or Yougort on a Stick style receptical is unacceptable. 

[Bike_Like_A_Mum]

This year at the efests meet...

"Ooooh, so you were the person with the raging s***s in 2009!"

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

3 hours ago, 4AssedMonkey said:

I got the raging shits in 2009 late on the Saturday afternoon. On reflection, probably too much, erm sweeties, cider and spicy food. When I got to Glasto Sainsburys on the way home on Monday, my stall was like that. I had no idea one digestive tract could hold so much. I had to do a mid-sh*t flush then carry on. I have Vietnam style flashbacks about those 2-3 days. Awful. Just awful.

 

A bit like this then;

 

https://tenor.com/view/725-gif-18796781

 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Sorry about the above @Bike_Like_A_Mum

[bamber]

8 minutes ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

Sorry about the above @Bike_Like_A_Mum

Dirty bro!

[4AssedMonkey]

10 minutes ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

 

A bit like this then;

 

https://tenor.com/view/725-gif-18796781

 

Add a hosepipe with a sprinkler attachment and you’re close.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

5 minutes ago, bamber said:

Dirty bro!

 

I posted in the firm belief that the meme could be tolerated by all. I apologized in case that was not the position. That said, there was a fleeting moment where I did question posting the meme. I've had a smoke and my brain's flying around the place so I kind of shot from the hip.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

9 minutes ago, 4AssedMonkey said:

Add a hosepipe with a sprinkler attachment and you’re close.

 

You could hire out your services to farmers, as the 'Fastest Muck Spreader In The West'. 

[bamber]

The mighty