Best Conversations Of Glastonbury 2011

[SJC]

Guy on my coach on the way back:

'I've just found a spider in my belly button!'

[bumpy_capers]

Someone's been found dead on the bog.

No shit. Where ?

Just there (points)

Police swarm in

[pie_and_a_pint]

Had to laugh at this just because of how immaculately "done-up" they were (and therefore I assume the friend in question)

Girl 1: OMG did you hear about Tasha?!?

Girl 2: OMG No! what happened?

Girl 1: OMG She dropped her iPhone in one of the toilets last night!

Girl 2: OMG OMG, How we gonna find her later!

Girl 1: OMG it was OK though, it was one of them plastic portabogs so it wasn't too deep for her to reach in and get it back

Girl 2: OMG That was WELL lucky!

*Shudder*

[xploit]

after the rainy night i went past a tent on the way to the loo the following morning to hear some random woman telling someone in her tent how she was so filthy and moist the previous night (i'm guessing due to the mud and rain but who knows...)

[bigcatmerv]

Small boy of about 12 to his brother of about 8, "There's so much history here! The first festival on this site was held by King Arthur!"

[boskobalaban]

This thread is so good, I've just paused iplayer to read them out to my girlfriend.

Some 15yr old inbetweener-esque boys walked past out tent saying…

"right, so we've broken the ice, now we've just got to tap that."

"how we gonna do that?"

"I dunno, just ask them if they smoke."

Brilliant, that's the proper way to seel a deal.

[amfy]

This was in the cabaret field and contined ' the only way to remove him will be with his penis insitu'.

Last year the same act was up in the greenfields trying to land a helicopter!

[amfy]

Double post sorryw

Edited June 28, 2011 by amfy

[briddj]

Two crackers.

First one a conversation between two lads on the way to the loos at the back of the Other Stage.

Lad A: Those lasses are really nice aren't they? We'll have to stay with them.

Lad B: Yeah they are a good laugh.

Lad A: And they are f*cked as well.

And even better:

Early hours of Sunday morning in the dance village, a bloke is stood up in a trance like state clearly off it. Security guard on his radio says: "yeah I need someone over here pronto. this bloke here has just pissed and sh*t himself"

[theampersanddevil]

About five minutes after radiohead started a guy standing behind me taps me on the shoulder and asks who it is, then says awwwww man I thought it was the artic monkeys.

WTF?

[Burrows]

"Ooh look, that's a really cool sky lantern."

"No, that's a helicopter."

[lord stradmor]

Billy Bragg to the sound engineer next door after 12 hours of dance music pounding through Leftfield: "This is the Spirit of '71 stage is it? Well play some f**king James Taylor then.."

[Lilmiz]

These are fab!

I tried to make mental notes of my laugh out loud moments but alas cannot remember many of them now.

I think the one i found the funniest was during Pulp, a slightly intoxicated guy was dancing like a madman on the hill by the Glastonbury sign, he fell backwards and kind of skidded down the hill for a little bit on his back until he seemed to stop by getting his head wedged between 2 people's bums who were sitting down. One of the guys who he slid into then just turned around to the intoxicated dude who was now flailing around like a tortoise who couldn't get up and offered him a Jelly Baby like it was the most normal thing in the world!

I was trying my utmost to hold the laughter in as it's not really the done thing to laugh at somebody elses misfortune but oh my god that was funny, especially the dude's confused expression like he just couldn't fathom out how he ended up on his back skidding down the hill!

Also passed a bloke who was shouting about looking awesome in a waistcoat but he refuses to wear them as they are just overdone! Random!

[bennyboi]

Chap camped near us greeting a friend saturday morning.

Chap 1 "good night"?

Chap 2 "yeah belter, but some c*nt stole are flag"

Chap 1"gutted"

Chap 2 " its just stupid because it had all our names on"

Chap 1" not if him and all his mates had the same names"

[hilton]

Couple behind us whilst queueing for the Wall of Death Sunday night

Male "whould like to go to Shangrila next to see what this dystopian universe is like"

Female "ok then, but dont forget we've got to get a loaf of bread on the way back tommorow"

[Bubblepopelectric]

Had to laugh at this just because of how immaculately "done-up" they were (and therefore I assume the friend in question)

Girl 1: OMG did you hear about Tasha?!?

Girl 2: OMG No! what happened?

Girl 1: OMG She dropped her iPhone in one of the toilets last night!

Girl 2: OMG OMG, How we gonna find her later!

Girl 1: OMG it was OK though, it was one of them plastic portabogs so it wasn't too deep for her to reach in and get it back

Girl 2: OMG That was WELL lucky!

*Shudder*

[Bubblepopelectric]

These are fab!

I tried to make mental notes of my laugh out loud moments but alas cannot remember many of them now.

I think the one i found the funniest was during Pulp, a slightly intoxicated guy was dancing like a madman on the hill by the Glastonbury sign, he fell backwards and kind of skidded down the hill for a little bit on his back until he seemed to stop by getting his head wedged between 2 people's bums who were sitting down. One of the guys who he slid into then just turned around to the intoxicated dude who was now flailing around like a tortoise who couldn't get up and offered him a Jelly Baby like it was the most normal thing in the world!

I was trying my utmost to hold the laughter in as it's not really the done thing to laugh at somebody elses misfortune but oh my god that was funny, especially the dude's confused expression like he just couldn't fathom out how he ended up on his back skidding down the hill!

Also passed a bloke who was shouting about looking awesome in a waistcoat but he refuses to wear them as they are just overdone! Random!

[BlackHole2006]

Whilst having a piss in the long drops I over heard this conversation with a girl and her friend:

Girl 1: "I'll be about an hour I think, just wait for me"

Girl 2: "Have you tried reading the programme"

Girl 1: "Yeah that might work!"

[One Tonne Baby]

Talked to some woman and her mate in the park about 5.30am who had taken mushrooms. She was loving it. Really nice girl saying the rubbish looked beautiful and my mate was a pixie.

[Lilmiz]

The directions ones are really funny too!

Sat in the cabaret tent and a girl walks in and says to her friend 'he says he's sat near a pole' also the youngsters in the tent next to us trying to explain where they were to someone on the phone 'we're camped near the flushing loos near the pyramid stage'...'it's called bushy ground'...'no not the dance field, the pyramid stage' this went on for quite some time, i don't think anyone would have ever found them!

We also heard from the same tent 'oh my god is that jizz'...'yeah, i think that's jizz'...'come look at it'...'no i'm not picking it up' a similar conversation was had for at least the next few hours with anyone who happened past their tent and via the telephone! I think they may have found some jizz!

[mike47]

On our way to see Sandi Thom ... Behind us one girl said to another "who are we going to see now?" the other replied "Err ... Sandi Toksvig"

[When Jokers Attack]

I love this thread.

[metallimuse]

These are fab!

I tried to make mental notes of my laugh out loud moments but alas cannot remember many of them now.

I think the one i found the funniest was during Pulp, a slightly intoxicated guy was dancing like a madman on the hill by the Glastonbury sign, he fell backwards and kind of skidded down the hill for a little bit on his back until he seemed to stop by getting his head wedged between 2 people's bums who were sitting down. One of the guys who he slid into then just turned around to the intoxicated dude who was now flailing around like a tortoise who couldn't get up and offered him a Jelly Baby like it was the most normal thing in the world!

I was trying my utmost to hold the laughter in as it's not really the done thing to laugh at somebody elses misfortune but oh my god that was funny, especially the dude's confused expression like he just couldn't fathom out how he ended up on his back skidding down the hill!

Also passed a bloke who was shouting about looking awesome in a waistcoat but he refuses to wear them as they are just overdone! Random!

[chemicalsuk]

Great thread!

Overheard this on the Thursday night near the Park:-

Posh toff male to his girlfriend "will you be okay to drink out of a can darling?"

Her reply "I think I should be alright"

Had us in stitches, and they say Glastonbury has changed...

[grandadcollective]

At pgd on weds afternoon while being banded the Mancunian behind me asks, on behalf of her boyfriend-"Can you not put that on to tight please? He has wrist claustrophobia". Now I haven't checked but I'm not sure if that is a bona fide phobia.

Also the nice family camped just up from us "Hair of the dog?" -" Will it take the edge off?" "Edge off what? The spliff we had 5 minutes ago?" Or words to that effect.