Best Conversations Of Glastonbury 2011

[Karmann]

Not so much of an overheard conversation but a funny story anyhow.....

Walking around Shangri La and our mate wanted to take a peek in the Snake Pit - we don't have tats so we wandered around outside.

Anyway, off he stumbles only to return a couple of mins later looking rather upset/confused!

He wasn't allowed in because he had no tat!

He was so confused and asked me to check! So I did and guess what! No tattoo! For 30 seconds or so..... poor off his head Dan really thought he'd tattoo had gone - we checked the other side and found it!

[captain futility]

Random camper: "You ever notice how tents are often a metaphor for life?" LOL!

Edited July 1, 2011 by captain futility

[whatmidlifecrisis?]

I overheard a medical guy say into his walkie talkie 'Just to confirm, the gentleman in question has got his penis stuck in the wheel of his electric vehicle.'

20 people sat on the benches in the Circus area did a double take and started laughing!

Edited July 1, 2011 by whatmidlifecrisis?

[Louisa1969]

This was one of the actors walking around Circus and Cabaret area. I was done by him. Stood on my own when he stands behind me talking in to his walkie talkie...

"Yeah. I have just come from car park 36. Yeah. His penis was stuck in the electric car window....."

*uniteligible voice on radio*

"No it was soft by then so came out easily"...

I was leaning in trying to get more info to relate to friends later on when I realised it was a set-up....the last crowd of 'victims' were stood about 20 feet away p*ssing themselves.....

I watched him stitch people up for the next 20 mns or so.....very funny.

[MamaJojo]

heard said to two amourous youngsters entering their tent:

"remember kids, always be careful and practice safe sex...... and leave your condom in the porch so I can suck the jizz out of it in the morning"

and said by a mate to someone near us wearing a very 'religious' top and dancing a bit too over enthusiastically at radiohead (ie ramming into me every other second): "f**k off Jesus, you're doing my head in"

[MissKim]

We overheard our neighbours discussing what time one of them had got back, as they'd popped into the tent in the early hours only to find a random person asleep in it.

Also, in Kamikaze Karaoke in Shangri La one girl marched up to the stage demanding (or declaring) 'I TOUCH MYSELF!!' whilst another woman called out in support "Don't worry about it, love. We all do it- it's natural!"

In Pennards an accumulation of discarded wellies went through various stages, one of which was 'Welly Henge', with a sign and everything. One girl pointed at the sign asking 'What does that mean', upon people giving her curious looks she continued... 'what does Welly Henge mean?' Some very patient young man came to her rescue with... 'It's like Stone Henge... but with Wellies' Not sure it helped!

Also overheard someone pointing at the Other Stage asking 'Is that the Pyramid stage?' *facepalm"

I also encountered two women discussing the smell of poo and how they 'kinda liked it'... I get the feeling they were naive enough to think it was the remnants of cowpat they were smelling, rather than the piles of human faeces :/

Edited July 1, 2011 by MissKim

[Lilmiz]

Heard a girl on the phone saying 'well i've got one of those battery powered chargers but i've already used 12 batteries and only got 3% battery life'

Massive facepalm!

A. Why did she not buy a cheap spare battery?

B. Why the hell was she talking on the phone if she only had 3% battery life about the fact that she only had 3% battery life?

C. What the hell kind of battery powered phone charger is it to use 12 batteries and only give 3% battery life?

I just don't get it!

Edited July 1, 2011 by Lilmiz

[jo (without an e!)]

Got a couple that made me chuckle:

Middle aged couple scoot their chairs next to a couple in their 20's at the Pyramid Stage waiting for Coldplay - "we thought we'd come and sit next to you cos you don't look like drunken idiots."

Girl - (extremely drunk) "I've drank a litre of Morgans Spiced" and then proceeds to dance like... well... a drunken idiot.

Near John Peel stage:

Bloke #1 - "I'm sick to death of the f**king Alan thing. I swear I'm gonna punch the next twat who starts shouting it."

Bloke #2 - "know what you mean mate. ALAN! ALAN!"

[LondonTom]

Stone Circle Urinals, must been just after the robot meet thing, one of the one guys in robot fancy dress walks in and gets to the urinal. Another guy says "Nice Helmet" . Much laughter in the mens

Edited July 1, 2011 by LondonTom

[BrendanCalls]

LondonTom just reminded be of one.

At the Stone Circle Urinals at about midday Thursday as I walked away from them I encountered a drunken Irishman

Drunken Irishman: Where are from?

Me: wee town called Corby?

DI: everything you know is shit!

Me : Ok mate

DI: Your teams shit!

Me : OK!

DI : Fight me

Me: naa your alright!

DI: f**k you

At that points my 3 mates joined me, he realised I was not alone and walked off.

We walked away and as I started to tell my mates the story and I heard in an Irish accent "ohhh! Where you from?"

If anyone did take him up on his offer of a scrap then all it would have taken was a strong wind to knock the guy over he was that wrecked.

[MyTwistedWords]

One of our CT lot who shall remain nameless (you know who you are ) left the cider bus on Wednesday 2 hours before the rest of us because he was wasted. It could have been longer because we went and had a big old dance and several ciders at the Brothers bar before going back to camp.

We gets there and said drunken member has only just got back. So he goes "oh I didn't realise we were all leaving at the same time..." the response..."dude...we left like 2 hours after you where have you been?" *long pause* "erm I'm not really sure but there was definitely a Glaswegian security guy there at some point..."

Same night at camp and said drunken camper:

"Luce? Why is your tent so small? I want to have a nap..."

"Dude...even if this was a four man tent you wouldn't be getting in here..."

Random camper: "You ever notice how tents are often a metaphor for life?" LOL!

[sonicpurveyor]

was in the Greenfields wed night just before the massive fireworks etc and some random come up to me with an empty pint "excuse me sir can you spare some alcohol for the sober children of Africa" couldn't help laughing me nads off but had to oblige for the pure cheek it....deposited some vod/lucosade mix in the pint for him. Watched him for a while as he continued his mission for those sober kids.

[Ketteringsim]

LondonTom just reminded be of one.

At the Stone Circle Urinals at about midday Thursday as I walked away from them I encountered a drunken Irishman

Drunken Irishman: Where are from?

Me: wee town called Corby?

DI: everything you know is shit!

Me : Ok mate

DI: Your teams shit!

Me : OK!

DI : Fight me

Me: naa your alright!

DI: f**k you

At that points my 3 mates joined me, he realised I was not alone and walked off.

We walked away and as I started to tell my mates the story and I heard in an Irish accent "ohhh! Where you from?"

If anyone did take him up on his offer of a scrap then all it would have taken was a strong wind to knock the guy over he was that wrecked.

[Spindles]

life is like a tent...

there's always something that trips you up

[thesecretingredientiscrime]

Beyonce: I'm only going to play one more song from my new album, is that okay?

Random person: NO

Beyonce: This song's called ------

Random person: OH BUT THAT'S YOUR WORST SONG

[foundacure]

Set the scene...left camping chairs outside tent late Wednesday aft to dry off. Went for a wander, got back late to find one missing. Had a right old moan very loudly (sorry neighbours) went to bed slightly worse for wear.

Silly o’clock woke up by some scousers shouting nearby (something along these lines):

Scouser 1: “Where’s the tent”

Scouser2: “Over here, you’re nearly there; look there’s that tent where you nicked the chair from earlier”

BF in I in tent: “And you can f@@@ing put it back in the morning”

I shot out of tent to sneak a peek where they’d gone and BF politely retrieved it next day...thieving scum even if it was only a chair but made us laugh cos they were stooopid enuff to announce to the world they’d been thieving shites

[TwistedReligion]

Set the scene...left camping chairs outside tent late Wednesday aft to dry off. Went for a wander, got back late to find one missing. Had a right old moan very loudly (sorry neighbours) went to bed slightly worse for wear.

Silly o’clock woke up by some scousers shouting nearby (something along these lines):

Scouser 1: “Where’s the tent”

Scouser2: “Over here, you’re nearly there; look there’s that tent where you nicked the chair from earlier”

BF in I in tent: “And you can f@@@ing put it back in the morning”

I shot out of tent to sneak a peek where they’d gone and BF politely retrieved it next day...thieving scum even if it was only a chair but made us laugh cos they were stooopid enuff to announce to the world they’d been thieving shites

[sarah j]

Couple who must have both been 70 if they were a day, strolling down the path. He was closely examining his guardian guide:

Old Lady: (strong welsh accent) What we going to see now then love?

Old Man: Well, I'm not too sure really, Tinie Tempah is on the pyramid in a bit...

Old Lady: Well, let's shift our arses then, I f*cking love a bit of Tinie, me.

I think it was the combination of age and welshness that made this such a glorious moment

[gemstarrr]

stood near the front waiting for beyonce to come on.

the crowd around me had been stood there for about an hour when theres a commotion to my right and 2 blokes start barging their way through the crowd, rudely pushing everyone out the way to try and get to the front.

everyone sees this and the whole crowd starts booing them so they're forced to stop.

someone then nicks one of the guys hat and throws it into the crowd behind them.

they were stood in the spot for an awkward few moments with everyone glaring and booing them. the hat gets thrown back and they make a swift exit, to the delight and cheers of the crowd!

only at glastonbury!

[Oddone]

f**king parasites.

Glorious.

[jacko160]

Walking back from the stone cirlce at 5am on Sunday morning guy walks along side us and starts conversation.

Random Guy: "What would you do though, if it snows"

Me: "Dunno mate is it forcast"

Random Guy: "Snowing tomorrow but ive got a flight to America in 2 hours so im alright"

[indisguise]

Walking back to my tent Thursday late afternoon was accosted by a group of people sitting outside their tent who asked me if I would like to feel some vibrating trousers. After getting over a really bad WTF moment, was persuaded to gently stroke the before mentioned trousers that were hanging in their gazebo to dry. The trousers did in deed vibrate They thought it was due to them camping under the pylons

[Oddone]

Or maybe someone phoning them and it was on vibrate.

[indisguise]

Or maybe someone phoning them and it was on vibrate.

[Oddone]

Thats strange. I bet its really freaky when on 'something' too