Best Conversations Of Glastonbury 2011

[Hermia]

Heard from my tent on Friday:

Guy: "Chris, you're gay! You know how I know you're gay? Because you love Coldplay, that makes you gay."

Walking from Ped Gate A on Saturday:

Grandmother to little granddaughter: "For goodness sake Jess, cheer up and lose the Susan Boyle face"

Saturday evening:

Random girl: "Excuse me, do you know what stage that is?"

Random guy: "Eeeer, pardon?"

Random girl: "That stage.. which one is it?"

Random guy: ".... The Pyramid Stage"

Random girl: "Oh okay, that's great. Thank you." *Walks off*

Random guy looks at his mate and we all burst out in laughter. Genius!

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

There were a few...

(1)

Guy one - 'I've just had a dirty 16 year old who probably hasn't washed in 3 days sat on my shoulders wearing the smallest shorts in the world... I'll let you sniff my neck for a tenner'

Guy two - 'I'll give you a fiver'

(2)

Security - 'Stop shouting alan, people are getting offended! why are you shouting it?'

Group of drunk people - 'We're not offending anyone, were looking for our friend, he went missing and we want him back. ALANNNN! and they kept explaining who alan was and when he went missing' it was quite funny

(3)

I was walking through Beyonce and heard a guy say 'She singing this to me, I'm just that beautiful'

[Gnomicide]

On the bus on the way down, girl starts talking to lad she knows and the conversation gets round to what they've brought with them:

Her: I've packed to much

Him: What have you got

Her: I've packed 30 pairs of knickers. They're not even nice ones.

[stf]

security person walked near our tent Monday morning and we heard the walkie talkie go off

voice 1: lots of people crowding near the exits, official instruction is anyone with a hangover needs to man up

voice 2: message received. Repeate: anyone with a hangover needs to man up

we were in stitches

[oebs]

Brilliant thread! some right corkers!

[bobda]

Caroline Lucas, the Green Party MP for Brighton gets on stage after Metronomy (before Wu Tang!) to say a few words.

"Hi Glastonbury!! I haven't been given much time up here so I'm going to keep this message brief..."

My mate Gary shouts instantly "Thank you and good night!!"

In stitches doesn't describe it.

[MrZigster]

Not a conversation but just a snippet of one, heard from some male random I passed:

"...but to be fair, my neck was completely wrapped up in sellotape".

Intriguing?

[Phil-itfc]

walked past security to hear their radio say something rather irrational and panicy, instantly another security comes over the radio and says 'you'll have to repeat that slower and less northern'

second instance talking to a friend while waiting at the toilet having conversation with a friend of a friend while we waited for couple of our friends to come back from the toilet she said 'there has been a rape reported here this weekend' at that moment my friend came back who is very Essex and like to chat up the 'birds' not knowing what we are discussing and says 'right I'm fresh and I'm ready for the Ladies' maybe not that funny but it was the brilliant timing and knowing him so well.

[Oddone]

A girl in our camp brought a strange looking device that equated to a she pee in case she needed a wee int he night

"If I dont need a wee but get randy I can always use it as a dildo."

[BrendanCalls]

Walking thru woodsies to at 3pm on Sunday

Scouse Girl A: you knew I effing liked him

Scouse Girl B you don't effing own him

Scouse Girl A: your a bitch, you know that

At that point I dropped out of ear-shot.

As I returned back to my tent after OK! Go the tent was gone and there was hide nor hair of the girls or the mysterious lethario.

Get over it girls, he's probably a tool anyway

[Goldytap]

walking past pyramid stage when some random greenpeace person was talking about greeny stuff and a group of lads were drinking. one pipes up 'shes going on a bit' and then they all nod and stuff general agrrement noises then pausing before one says 'is she at least hot!!!', as he says that the whole group turn to stare at the stage. didnt hear what else was said as was gone but i thought it was great!

[LynseyDiva]

Beyonce: "What's my name?"

Random guy in crowd: "ALAN!"

[Lilmiz]

Wasn't a conversation but one of the signs really made me chuckle, think it was in the Green Fields by a cafe had all love hearts at the top half of the sign which said 'Use the bins' and the bottom half of the sign said 'you ballbags' with loads of drawings of....well....i think you can work it out!

[Lucyferrr]

I just remembered another one...walking back from the pyramid on Sunday in a huge crowd we come across two guys, one with a massive inflatable hammer. He's repeatedly smacking the floor while his mate was shouting "HIT IT! For the love of beyonce HIT IT!" So funny.

[Starks]

A heavy set middle-aged bloke walking up to the park, did not look f**ked, but blowing bubbles from a kids bubble thing, saying in the most reverent tone.

"Bubbles are AMAZINGGGG."

Great made my day..

[Churchills Mohican]

I was having issues with my mattress and one night we got back to our tent to a bunch of lads discussing who they had seen, chatted to, who was best etc - nothing out of the ordinary, so I went in my tent and started re-pumping my matress up again, somewhat animatedly and with a few huffs and puffs thrown in here and there whilst pumping up. Not quite realising what I was saying I yelled, 'Oh for f**k sake, it's not staying up!!' then continued pumping.. A few minutes later i realise that they had all gone silent, and my best mate is pissing herself laughing from the tent across the way. I stopped pumping and the lads all of a sudden went, 'Wheyyyy you fackin' stud, getting laid, go on love!!' and started singing some dodgy Shaggy song or whatever. Turned out they had surrounded my tent and were making thrusting noises and suggestive faces in time to the squeak of the pump... I did laugh for a while after that to be fair...

Edited June 29, 2011 by Churchills Mohican

[The Pumpkin King]

Group of lads camped behind me doing a competition where you've gotta name Irish fullbacks..

Paul McGrath..

Phil Babb

Steve f**king Staunton

Jase Macateer

Terry Phelan

[sowfpig]

Some girl in a nearby tent shouting " get off you are filthy pure filth"

Then not a conversation but watched some circus acrobat show on thurs night and the people in it kept shouting "everything is fine" then they'd shout "everything is not fine" but they just had funny voices and it was surreal did anyone see it? If so they may have also seen some wasted fellow gyrating the fence!

[byethecrin]

Right, I'm in...

Thursday night, near the night time route entrance for Arcadia, man with full blown MDMsway, flanked by security guard on radio awaiting instruction who says - "We have a gentleman...who's obviously had a long day, and he is very....er... tired" !

Girl on phone just before Raidohead trying to explain to her friend where she was - "I'm on a path ... you know...???...

The one that's not as muddy as the rest" !

Although, my all time favourite is from 2007 -

6am and everything is winding down -

2 friends obviously not ready to call it a night -

Friend 1 - Look, mate, we're OK it's another stage.

Friend 2 - Where ?

Friend 1 (pointing) - There.

Friend 2 - Mate, its an ice cream van !

[Spindles]

3 female voices, all I could tell you, next door to me, middle of friday night.

Girl 1: Oh my god! I've got a worm in my knickers!

*sound of commotion, a bucket apparently is knocked*

Girl 2: Oh christ that bucket really smells now

Girl 1 squealing and dealing with worm related crisis at this point apparently spills bucket into sleeping compartment, cue sounds of 2 of them trying to clean up the contents of their bucket by pushing it around to the edges with handy andies so they can go to sleep while the 3rd leans out the porch violently throwing up for 20 minutes, before she also returns and goes to sleep, snoring loudly.

I guess you had to be there.

--

My actual favourite must have been seen by LOADS of people:

On the way through paines to gate D there was an ozzie accented lad with a sign written on unfolded beer boxes asking for a lift to truro. His pitch went along the lines of "need a lift to truro, not going to lie to you I'm not going to give you petrol money. Could also use a meal. I'm starving, I blew all my money and I'm hungover, I'll be terrible company", his mate pitches in with "You'd best let me do the talking" and so it continues. I don't know how long he sat there doing this, I REALLY hope it worked for him, he was brilliant and a great close to my festival as we walked out.

[nychotels]

As we got back to the car park on the Monday morning there was an AA van driving past us. As the driver searched for the people having car troubles we heard someone directing him over his radio: ".....west 38. Bunch of hairy ball bags they are."

It provided some much needed Monday morning light relief!

[Kipr]

Bloke on phone Weds ..."Yeah mate. It's massive. Even bigger than Dunstable"

[milkybar_kid]

Sitting stoned listening to chem brothers:

I'm really hungry but I can't bothered to get food... If I cud be bothered to get up for food I would have been down there at that epic party rather than sat here.... Ooo I have some cheese though... Do you want some cheese? ....

... Nah thanks, im ok, I don't like processed cheese

.... No one LIKES processed cheese!

Also liked the analogy on whether should have gone to see coldplay or not and coming to the conclusion that in order to go cry your eyes out that you would have needed to walk past a load of people having an awesome time first and therefore were against it... Did make me chuckle xx

[CitizenErased]

I had a few at Glasto. erm...

First up, shortly after putting the tents up on wed, we camped up in one of the fields at the top of the pyramid stage :-

Mum: Oh look at all that mist on the horizon, isn't that pretty!

Me: That's not mist, think I'll put my camera away now.

Shortly after it pissed down, but the funny thing is, we just all stood there in the rain, even though we'd just put the tents up. Think we were just too overawed at being there for common sense to kick in.

Second up, while walking down the tracks to the pyramid stage, we walked past a tent where two women inside were having a discussion about their toilet adventures, one of them said REALLY enthusiastically, "I peed in a cup!" To which I said, "Good for you!", they fell around laughing in the tent for about a minute, think they worked out there and then that there's no such thing as a private conversation in a tent.

[swede]

Two girls camped behind us had brought a couple of lads back to thier tent after U2....

Girl 1 " You should have heard what she said when U2 came on"

Guys " What"

Girl 2 " Dont tell them that, it was an esay mistake to make, like I didnt know"

Girl 1 " When they walked out she pointed at Bono and asked is that BONNIE !! "

Girl 2 " Well thats what I thought he was called"

I was f**king crying with laughter !!