Getting over a break up?

[t8yman]

My friend split with his missus for around three months, she slept with 10+ people because she could, he struggled getting 1 before getting back together.

Would you get back together with someone in that situation?

It could go either way & I'm not being horrible to either sex, it happened.

Please tell me you wouldnt consider getting back together with this girl? From what you have told us about the way she behaved regarding other fellas "being friends" etc - you are better off without her. IMHO of course.

[viberunner]

All this dirty talk reminds me of the time when I misused part of the contents of a tub of Utterly Butterly. Did you know that it has 70% less saturated fat than butter, and is virtually trans fatty acid free?

Suffice to say there comes a point I Can Believe It's Not Butter.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Suffice to say there comes a point I Can Believe It's Not Butter.

Suffice to say there comes a point I Can Believe It's Not Butter.

Unfortunately I didn't have the time to reflect on Utterly Butterly's inferior status as a spread compared to real butter, at that time. I was in a situation where my ex girlfriend was 'demanding' that I put some Utterly Butterly on my knob to act as a lubricant, so that I could take her up the tradesman's.

[Bisque]

so that I could take her up the tradesman's.

Is it all its cracked up to be?

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Is it all its cracked up to be?

Hello Couchy

Not too sure if that's a crack joke or not? Either way, I am unable to answer your question as I'm sure it all depends on few circumstances eg whether it has been a desire mentally, whether it has been a desire physically, whether it has been 'embedded' in your mind that it's something to do from peers etc. I will tell you one thing though - looking at your pecker covered in shit aint pretty.

Apart from the above crudity, I hope that you are doing well on the whole relationship thing. There's a big and beautiful world out there. Go out and enjoy it.

[Bisque]

I am unfortunatly drinking alot to get me by at the moment, I am stopping on Monday.

I left my job so don't have a lot of money right now so am going to focus on work & reading.

I'm not that bothered about bum sex, just one of those things to "tick off". I'm sure all the planning & actual act isn't much like the pornstar experience.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I am unfortunatly drinking alot to get me by at the moment, I am stopping on Monday.

I left my job so don't have a lot of money right now so am going to focus on work & reading.

I'm not that bothered about bum sex, just one of those things to "tick off". I'm sure all the planning & actual act isn't much like the pornstar experience.

I did many many years of drinking because I was unhappy. I'll tell you now that they were wasted years when I could have been living rather than feel like I was dying inside. I beg you, don't drink in unhappiness. Drink when you are happy. If you don't then you'll be squandering some of your life away without any gain. It'll all be just a blurry nonsense which will have no value to you, and could even destroy you (as it nearly did me).

Just wondering - what's your reading material? Don't answer if you don't want to.

[feral chile]

Yog is spot on, using alcohol to numb the pain can be risky as it prevents you moving forward.

[russycarps]

Yes and the feelings of depression and despair will be much more acute when sober

[feral chile]

Yes and the feelings of depression and despair will be much more acute when sober

I have friends who took years to accept the link between their self medication with alcohol and their self destructive thought processes. What they thought was helping them dull the pain and alleviate the risk of severe, suicidal depression, was actually causing/accentuating those thoughts in the first place.

I had family members who never accepted that link, and remained depressed and incapacitated for their lifetime. Since there's a family history of severe depression combined with alcohol abuse in my family, I'm careful not to use alcohol as an emotional crutch.

Edited November 23, 2014 by feral chile

[feral chile]

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/check-the-facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/mental-health/alcohol-and-mental-health

This article summarises some of the research. It's difficult to establish the causal chain in a lot of cases, because people drink to alleviate pain.

But one of the important points made in this article is that, regardless of whether alcohol causes more negative thoughts, it definitely lowers inhibitions, so increases the risk of self harm or aggressive behaviour.

So not a good idea - could result in angry words that can't be unsaid, if nothing else.

[feral chile]

when I said this:

I wasn't suggesting being pissed was a great way to get over the relationship, but it happened. I think I was wallowing for a while.

I know what you mean. I felt a bit uneasy using the word 'alcohol abuse' in my previous post, it always seems judgmental. I reluctantly left it in because it's a shorthand way of saying what I'd said earlier, I wish there was a better phrase, as it's perfectly understandable for people to use coping mechanisms to deal with pain.

[Bisque]

Just wondering - what's your reading material? Don't answer if you don't want to.

I generally go for comedic books, Danny Wallace, Jeremy Clarkson(?), I might reread Harry Potter & some historical Navy books. But I could perhaps get into a new series of books. I also listen to a lot of comedy podcasts such as the Carl Donnelly & Chris Martin comedy podcast.

Yog is spot on, using alcohol to numb the pain can be risky as it prevents you moving forward.

I'm really using it to help me sleep at night, otherwise I end up not being able to sleep thinking of everything. I get a terrible nights sleep usually anyway & may consult a doctor if it doesn't get better as it just ruins my next day & I have more thoughts in my head than I ought to.

I know from working as cabin crew drinking to get to sleep ruins your REM but recently its been better than a dreadful 2 hour nights sleep.

when I said this:

I wasn't suggesting being pissed was a great way to get over the relationship, but it happened. I think I was wallowing for a while.

I understand. I used to be the type of I only drink when I'm properly going out but its taken a bit of a turn recently.

[russycarps]

I have friends who took years to accept the link between their self medication with alcohol and their self destructive thought processes. What they thought was helping them dull the pain and alleviate the risk of severe, suicidal depression, was actually causing/accentuating those thoughts in the first place.

I had family members who never accepted that link, and remained depressed and incapacitated for their lifetime. Since there's a family history of severe depression combined with alcohol abuse in my family, I'm careful not to use alcohol as an emotional crutch.

Yeah sorry I meant the feelings when sober after a night of heavy drinking

[zero000]

Yeah sorry I meant the feelings when sober after a night of heavy drinking

"The fear"

I'm getting it quite a lot lately myself. Absolutely caining it on the weekends and the Sunday hangover/ comedown is awful. Existential crises aplenty.

I think you just have to be careful not to over do it if you're feeling particularly vulnerable, as feral said it's easy to fall into a self destructive pattern.

[feral chile]

"The fear"

I'm getting it quite a lot lately myself. Absolutely caining it on the weekends and the Sunday hangover/ comedown is awful. Existential crises aplenty.

I think you just have to be careful not to over do it if you're feeling particularly vulnerable, as feral said it's easy to fall into a self destructive pattern.

I didn't realise everyone had that. I found it was especially bad on lager, always woke up feeling anxious and guilty, even when I knew I'd not done anything remotely interesting, never mind embarrassing. since I switched to Guinness I've not had anything except 'cat got the cream' content smugness.

But with alcohol being a depressant, although that's actually to do with depressing random brain activity rather than causing depression, there are links to depression and anxiety as well. At the very least, there are more effective methods t lift mood - exercise, music, eating well etc.

And there's less chance of those emotional drunken rambling rants/texts that never end well.

[Bisque]

I really need to stop & get out.

[t8yman]

There is going to be loads of temporary work around at the moment in the run up to xmas, I dont know your personal circumstances, but if you could afford to take a job doing a few nights in a busy pub behind the bar or something, somewhere with plenty of staff - even a nightclub? You would be killing 4 birds with one stone - getting out (but not drinking) earning money, meeting new people, and keeping yourself occupied. I worked busy, city center pubs for a coupla years when I was 20, it was one of the best times of my life.

[Bisque]

I was getting there, wake up to six texts & a facebook message. I can't bring myself to look at them.

[GodlikeYeezus]

I was getting there, wake up to six texts & a facebook message. I can't bring myself to look at them.

From my experience in a similar situation, you perceive things differently during the period you're in and it's hard but probably best to ignore it as much as possible then time will rectify things quicker than you think.

[atomised]

I think youre really goong to need to block that Facebook

[Bisque]

I think youre really goong to need to block that Facebook

I have. I guess a full on delete is needed.

[Katster]

I was getting there, wake up to six texts & a facebook message. I can't bring myself to look at them.

Delete!

[t8yman]

Jesus couchy, you dont like making it easy on yourself do ya?

delete, block, move on!

[russycarps]

why is she sending 6 unanswered text messages?

christ she's an awful specimen.