Getting over a break up?

[Bisque]

Aw Couchy, I hope some of this has been helpful. As usual we've degenerated into debate and banter, but you know we mean you well

Honestly, the banter has cheered me up.

9:30 Surrey to Leeds

13:30 Started clearing my room

16:00 Done

16:30 Took her stuff back, threw it in the porch, left.

17:00 Traffic

21:00 Arrive Surrey

21:30 Box's in garage

22:00 Bed

[Bisque]

Still awake & she's texted me four times. Time to block maybe

[t8yman]

no, that was last week!

but yes - block her and move on.

[russycarps]

4 times?

you say she's this wonderful person but constantly texting you is a c**ts trick. She must know that she's wrecking your head by doing so. Is she so arrogant she thinks that you will fall to pieces without her in your life?

You may not be able to hate this woman, but I can, and do.

Edited November 7, 2014 by russycarps

[jump]

Txt her back "I want space to clear my head so please fuck off and leave me alone you evil succubus as I'm trying to be clear from your heart shredding talons at long last" or depending on if you want to be civil still "I want space to clear my head so please don't contact me again" then block her.

Edited November 7, 2014 by jump

[Bisque]

Have done so. Thanks.

[russycarps]

why is she texting you?

because she wants attention from the maximum amount of sources possible.

[Bisque]

why is she texting you?

To ask why I didn't want to see her & thanking me for her stuff back.

Can you block someone on facebook without going on their profile?

[jump]

To ask why I didn't want to see her & thanking me for her stuff back.

Can you block someone on facebook without going on their profile?

You can do it from your friends list I think.

[atomised]

If I remember rightly you can go to the blocked list. Search a name from there and.select block.and it avoids going to the profile

Just double checked and that does indeed work

Edited November 7, 2014 by atomised

[feral chile]

She probably doesn't understand your reaction, and thinks you can still be friends. Not everyone reacts in the same way to painful circumstance, she probably still cares about you and doesn't want things to get nasty, she might be missing your friendship, she might be feeling guilty and want some kind of absolution, her guilt might be making her feel responsible for you and concerned about your welfare, there could be lots of reasons that don't mean she's suddenly turned into a heartless bitch.

You should concentrate on how you feel about her contacting you, and if it's painful/giving you false hope, you did the right thing explaining that you don't want her contacting you.

[russycarps]

She probably doesn't understand your reaction, and thinks you can still be friends. Not everyone reacts in the same way to painful circumstance, she probably still cares about you and doesn't want things to get nasty, she might be missing your friendship, she might be feeling guilty and want some kind of absolution, her guilt might be making her feel responsible for you and concerned about your welfare, there could be lots of reasons that don't mean she's suddenly turned into a heartless bitch.

You should concentrate on how you feel about her contacting you, and if it's painful/giving you false hope, you did the right thing explaining that you don't want her contacting you.

Doesnt understand his reaction! she dumped him completely out of the blue and was off with some other fella 5 minutes later!

Either she is of very low intelligence, 15 years old, or is a manipulator who wants the best of all worlds.

If she is feeling guilty then who's fault is that? how dare she patronise him to try and make herself better about a situation entirely of her own making.

She is arrogant as hell. Thinking that his life will fall apart without her.

He's well rid of her. I pity the poor sap who ends up with her. She sounds like an absolute nightmare.

Edited November 7, 2014 by russycarps

[t8yman]

A lot of harshness from people that dont really know either party TBH.

Couchy - blocking her, and avoiding her is the right move. No need to be hostile, just get out with mates, have a great time, and dont be tempted to contact her at times of weakness. I always used to find solace in some other girls knickers.

In a few weeks, you will be feeling a lot different about the situation.

[feral chile]

Doesnt understand his reaction! she dumped him completely out of the blue and was off with some other fella 5 minutes later!

Either she is of very low intelligence, 15 years old, or is a manipulator who wants the best of all worlds.

If she is feeling guilty then who's fault is that? how dare she patronise him to try and make herself better about a situation entirely of her own making.

She is arrogant as hell. Thinking that his life will fall apart without her.

He's well rid of her. I pity the poor sap who ends up with her. She sounds like an absolute nightmare.

I'm not saying she's being completely altruistic, but I doubt it's an attention seeking ploy. It probably is about making herself feel better by alleviating guilt, though, I agree there. We will all avoid pain where possible, our own and guilt at causing pain to others.

The alternative, favoured by some, is a complete block of the person they've dumped. Now, I've had friends who feel totally devastated by that, too. Because it implies that you're some kind of psycho/bunny boiler who can't be trusted to remain civil, and also leaves you totally bewildered with no closure. And a support structure has suddenly disappeared, in a way that can seem really cold and hostile.

There just isn't any right way to do this, I don't think apportioning blame is helpful.

[jump]

Regardless of why she is doing it her expecting to remain active in Couchy's life isn't for the best for either of them (for now at least) and T8yman has a good idea, the bulk of the seperating break up shit is done so now to find comfort with some fun single girls. It'll boost his confidence and offers a nice distraction.

[russycarps]

A lot of harshness from people that dont really know either party TBH.

Couchy - blocking her, and avoiding her is the right move. No need to be hostile, just get out with mates, have a great time, and dont be tempted to contact her at times of weakness. I always used to find solace in some other girls knickers.

In a few weeks, you will be feeling a lot different about the situation.

We can form opinions based on what we know.

He's trying to avoid her. He's moved a hundred miles away! Yet she wont let him. 4 (presumably unanswered) texts? really?

I'm not saying she's being completely altruistic, but I doubt it's an attention seeking ploy. It probably is about making herself feel better by alleviating guilt, though, I agree there. We will all avoid pain where possible, our own and guilt at causing pain to others.

The alternative, favoured by some, is a complete block of the person they've dumped. Now, I've had friends who feel totally devastated by that, too. Because it implies that you're some kind of psycho/bunny boiler who can't be trusted to remain civil, and also leaves you totally bewildered with no closure. And a support structure has suddenly disappeared, in a way that can seem really cold and hostile.

There just isn't any right way to do this, I don't think apportioning blame is helpful.

Well they are past that phase now. They have done the mature thing, stayed in contact for a while, arranged the moving out etc. Now there is no reason at all to stay in touch.

I suspect she is hurt that he is able to go no contact with her. She was probably expecting him to be texting her all the time, which hasnt happened. That has knocked her ego. Good.

And maybe the single life isnt quite as good as she was expecting it to be. Perhaps a few regrets are creeping in. Maybe the grass hasnt been quite so green on the other side. Perhaps this new fella is actually turning out to be a bit of a shit.

He needs to shut her out of his life and move on. Live the single life. Get on tinder or whatever.

Maybe she will even come back seeking conversation and comfort. But guess what? sexual thirst is quenched but temporarily and once her clit gets itchy she'll be off playing the field again. He needs to break this cycle before it even begins. To keep the last drop of dignity he possesses he needs to go no contact, and stick with it.

[feral chile]

Regardless of why she is doing it her expecting to remain active in Couchy's life isn't for the best for either of them (for now at least) and T8yman has a good idea, the bulk of the seperating break up shit is done so now to find comfort with some fun single girls. It'll boost his confidence and offers a nice distraction.

yes, you're quite right, Couchy needs to concentrate on finding a way to come to terms with this now.

Though getting into a relationship on the rebound might just cause further pain all round later on.

Would all those so quick to judge this girl for the way she's handled this break up then be critical of Couchy if he messed with some girl's head in his effort to clear his own?

[jump]

yes, you're quite right, Couchy needs to concentrate on finding a way to come to terms with this now.

Though getting into a relationship on the rebound might just cause further pain all round later on.

Would all those so quick to judge this girl for the way she's handled this break up then be critical of Couchy if he messed with some girl's head in his effort to clear his own?

You're suggesting that I meant go straight into a relationship/use a girl, you can have fun non-serious dating too.

[russycarps]

yes, you're quite right, Couchy needs to concentrate on finding a way to come to terms with this now.

Though getting into a relationship on the rebound might just cause further pain all round later on.

Would all those so quick to judge this girl for the way she's handled this break up then be critical of Couchy if he messed with some girl's head in his effort to clear his own?

I think most people are talking about casual sex, which is pretty much what these dating apps are used (male and female) for I understand. (the youth of today...)

Edited November 7, 2014 by russycarps

[feral chile]

We can form opinions based on what we know.

He's trying to avoid her. He's moved a hundred miles away! Yet she wont let him. 4 (presumably unanswered) texts? really?

Well they are past that phase now. They have done the mature thing, stayed in contact for a while, arranged the moving out etc. Now there is no reason at all to stay in touch.

I suspect she is hurt that he is able to go no contact with her. She was probably expecting him to be texting her all the time, which hasnt happened. That has knocked her ego. Good.

And maybe the single life isnt quite as good as she was expecting it to be. Perhaps a few regrets are creeping in. Maybe the grass hasnt been quite so green on the other side. Perhaps this new fella is actually turning out to be a bit of a shit.

He needs to shut her out of his life and move on. Live the single life. Get on tinder or whatever.

Maybe she will even come back seeking conversation and comfort. But guess what? sexual thirst is quenched but temporarily and once her clit gets itchy she'll be off playing the field again. He needs to break this cycle before it even begins. To keep the last drop of dignity he possesses he needs to go no contact, and stick with it.

You seem really angry on his behalf. And you're assuming that because she chose to leave the relationship means that she also isn't experiencing loss. It's not as cut and dried as you're making out.

They're both entitled to their feelings, and they're both entitled to explain to each other what they want and don't want. And there was clearly a mismatch with the break up and the aftermath.

Neither of these people sound like monsters, they just want different things.

[russycarps]

You seem really angry on his behalf. And you're assuming that because she chose to leave the relationship means that she also isn't experiencing loss. It's not as cut and dried as you're making out.

They're both entitled to their feelings, and they're both entitled to explain to each other what they want and don't want. And there was clearly a mismatch with the break up and the aftermath.

Neither of these people sound like monsters, they just want different things.

If she is experiencing loss then that's too bad. I will always sympathise with the person who has been dumped more than the person who has done the dumping. Plus, we "know" couchy so are bound to take his side.

Getting angry will do him more good than submissively taking her calls and texts and slipping further into depression.

I dont begrudge her her feelings, but I do begrudge her using couchy to make herself feel better. That's not on.

[feral chile]

You're suggesting that I meant go straight into a relationship/use a girl, you can have fun non-serious dating too.

No, I'm suggesting that one partner might get to want to know the other better. You're accusing this girl of being heartless, and then suggesting that you can control emotions in a new relationship. And predict the future.

[feral chile]

If she is experiencing loss then that's too bad. I will always sympathise with the person who has been dumped more than the person who has done the dumping. Plus, we "know" couchy so are bound to take his side.

Getting angry will do him more good than submissively taking her calls and texts and slipping further into depression.

I dont begrudge her her feelings, but I do begrudge her using couchy to make herself feel better. That's not on.

I don't think she's consciously using Couchy, she probably doesn't know what's the right thing to do. I wouldn't.

[jump]

No, I'm suggesting that one partner might get to want to know the other better. You're accusing this girl of being heartless, and then suggesting that you can control emotions in a new relationship. And predict the future.

I'm playing up the role she's heartless as that's part of the course of a break up, it's like panto where you boo the villain.

If he meets a girl and wants to make it serious then good luck to him but I don't see what the issue is with a casual relationship.

[jump]

What if, after some time (and space) has elapsed, she has second thoughts and wants to give the relationship another chance? Where would all the fake hate and anger have left the situation?

If she's that flakey that she lets him move across the country without expressing doubts and then dumps him on a whim followed by her wanting him back on another whim he's probably better off anyway.