What funny things did you hear?

[Josie's Cat]

My favourites were

"If you drink two cans of Red Bull it gives you the strength of twenty hamsters"

Then, in the car parks, a girl was pushing a trolley over the bumps and said to her bloke, "I can't wait until we get to the road" and he turned and said "Where we're going, we don't need roads." Which made me giggle.

Written in the dust by the Ghost Bus was "Boobs are cool" and lots of people had written "Oh, I agree!" and "I love boobs too!" which was funny, and then my daughter drew a pair of boobs to go with the writing. Sigh.

Mind you, I'm glad she didn't want to illustrate the one that read "Jeff has no foreskin"

Edited June 29, 2010 by Josie's Cat

[Phil-itfc]

I over heard the following which I found funny and disturbing,

'I feel filthier than fingering your sister and finding your dads wedding ring'

[Josie's Cat]

That's wrong on many many levels!

The guy on the tent next door to us seemed to have reduced his vocabulary to three words for the entire weekend - "Nurse!" "Mojito" and "Eurrrrghh"

[Jailbreak]

Overheard this whilst near the park

"I really need to go back to the tent, I think i just shit myself"

[dirtysteve]

Funniest thing I heard was, on Friday morning:

"Where's Geoff?"

"Gone home?"

"How? I'm driving him."

"Hitchhiking"

"To Manchester??"

"Yup"

I hope that was a true story.

[Scouse Andy]

Stupid moaning young girl - "Why is it so hot?"

Sarcastic Passerby - "That'll be the sun"

Stupid moaning young girl - "Derrrr - It's like hotter than the sun down here though"

Oh the lack of brain power hurt me breifly.

I did make myself chuckle after seeing a girl get hit on the head with a paper cup (not hurt so OK) by saying - "Is it too late to say duck?"

[pie_and_a_pint]

Overheard from my tent on Thursday morning. Our neighbours had a big six-man tent with three 'rooms' and they had one 'room' each:

'Oh... NO!'

'What's up mate'

'I threw up...'

'Not in the f*cking tent??? For f*cks sake!'

'No... in my SHOES! I've only got one pair...'

'Oh no. Do you want a tangerine?'

In a quite busy crowd in the Park

'How will we make sure we don't lose each other'

'We need to all shout a word and keep saying it so we follow each other'

'OK, let's all say 'clunge''

*group sets off in a line out of the crowd saying 'clunge, clunge, clunge, clunge...'

At a food stall in West Holts on Friday teatime:

Man, pleasantly 'What are you having, love?'

Woman, obviously his girlfriend, sulkily 'Nothing'

Man, slightly frsutrated 'You've got to eat something'

Woman 'I've TOLD you I'm NOT eating anything.'

Man 'For f*ck's sake...'

Woman 'Michael, I am NOT using those TOILETS. I can't believe you brought me here with those TOILETS!'

On Sunday evening at about 7.45pm, there are lots of people heading towards the Pyramid for Faithless. I'm going the other way towards West Holts. This conversation went on next to me:

'Why are there so many people?'

'They're going to watch Faithless'

'But they've not started yet!'

'No, but they will, won't they?'

'Yeah, I suppose they will'

Edited June 29, 2010 by pie_and_a_pint

[BlackHole2006]

My friend on Wednesday when everyone started singing 3 lions.

Me: "I can't wait till The Lighning Seeds play 3 lions, they wrote it you know"

My mate: "They didn't write it"

Me: "Yes they did"

My mate: "No, it was an old football anthem"

Me: "Yes, written by The Lightning Seeds"

My mate: "Oh, I didn't know that".

And another quality one from my mate after Stevie Wonder:

My mate: "Someone tried to slip Ease in my mouth"

My: (sarcastically) "Oh really, it wouldn't have been Ease, most clubbers use MDMA nowadays because it's pure exctacy"

My Mate: "No it was definately Extacy, they put it in my mouth and I could taste it"

[Azzy G]

A man in a purple suit who was obsessed with soup, we bumped into him on the wednesday night in the queue for the viewing tower/platform. He claimed he held the world record for drinking a can of tomato soup which was 2.8 seconds. We believed him because ive never known anyone to have that many soup related facts and be so excited about a conversation related to soup

[CardiffWanderer]

Saw a man in the Park field giving his mates directions on his mobile to find him:

'...I'm on the floor!'

And this one:

"I went back to the tent and I thought it was like 9 o'clock. But I was cold and it was quite dark, and that's when I realised it was only 4.30."

Last - doesn't quite count, but some graffiti seen on the Rinky Dink (loads of bikes and misc machinery tied together) last year:

'Peaches Geldof takes it in the ear'

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

I heard that Les Dennis was dead.

Someone in a near by tent were having an argument.

Girl - oh for f**k sake just help pack away

boy - calm down I am

boy 2 - If you don't calm the f**k down I am not going to take you home

girl - good i wanted to get the train anyway

both boys - i'm not giving you any money

girl (screaming) - OH for f**k sake why don't you just go away you pathetic little man!

both boys looked at each other and said 'ok, we will'

She then just screamed as they walked away.

[Josie's Cat]

Bluff calling is always funny!

My neighbours were having a proper natter about the difference between suet and lard, around midnightish, quite loudly. My kids sleep though anything, and I was awake thinking what a weird conversation, but then someone yelled "Shut up!" from another tent, and they did, instantly!

[bulb]

Heard so much but can barely remember.

Two lads walking by me and all I caught of the conversation was

"Imagine fancying your sister..." in a tone of complete wonderment.

During a break of a Flaming Lips song, a bunch of lads who were clearly off their heads started singing

"It's only f**king Friday, it's only f**king Friday"

Outside the Action for Children tent, one of the volunteers approached a group of guys and this is what I heard.

Vol: "Would you like to support Action For Children?"

Guy: "What's that then? Trying to get rid of them are you? I'll take two."

Edited June 29, 2010 by bulb

[rubberducky]

My favorite was heard passing 3 serious looking policemen walking up in the green fields :

"Sarge, how about getting a henna tattoo then?"

[windy_miller]

Heard near my tent...

"My dad installed some burglar alarms in Rolf Harris' house. Supposedly he's a right c**t!"

And taking stuff back to the car on sunday, I overhead a middle aged couple

"You do like those younger girls don't you dave?"

"Yeah.... yeah I think I do."

[Mooglemeg]

walked past 3 guys one of them dressed as a monk and heard bloke no2 say to no3 'he thinks he looks like a monk but he looks more like a f**king chimney'

[18Alex18]

Before Muse - in the pit at the front, a boy and a girl talking to each other.

Girl: I'm such a big muse fan

Boy: I'm not really a fan

Girl: Why not?

Boy: Well don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Muse, but I don't own all their albums so I can't call myself a fan.

Girl: I've got most of their albums...

So no Willie Nelson 'fans' at Glastonbury this year then?

[ukslim]

Overheard by one of my mates in the Croissant Neuf area:

"Is there anywhere I can buy a beer up here?"

"Down there, past the railway line"

"Oh, are there no bars further south?"

"Nah mate, it's nothing but hippies that way"

[daggermouth]

Walking back from Stevie Wonder not really getting anywhere, when a guy in a mobility scooter next to me word for word said "Im a f**king cripple and i can move f**king faster than this"

[Pot]

My mate said didn't the lead singer from Blur come on with Gorillaz too

[rubenz]

Overheard from a woman in shangri la on Friday night "shit I dont think I have enough Valium to get me through five days, we need to find that woman who had her tits out last night I think she had some..."

[ramragon]

i missed muse but heard that the edge had come on with them, i went to hand stuff in to the security lock up next to the tent and was talking to the staff. one of the young lasses said she'd seen muse. i said id heard that the edge had gone on stage with them for a song. she said, "yeah, he got a great reaction, although i couldnt understand why they wanted a wrestler on stage with them."

you can imagine the stunned silence as me and the other 3 middle aged lock up assistants just looked at eachother before we pissed oursleves laughing. When we said who he was she said "ahhh, that makes more sense then"

indeed !

[benc]

was camped in the dairy fields and overheard one of my neighbours giving directions to one of her friends to meet her, "Im between the blue and green tent" - her friend was in he shangra la at the time!

[amfy]

My favourite was just before the E-fests World Cup:

"This could be both the worst and the best thing we see all weekend - that number 4 has just completed his warm up by putting his fag out!"

Edited June 29, 2010 by amfy

[Phil-itfc]

i missed muse but heard that the edge had come on with them, i went to hand stuff in to the security lock up next to the tent and was talking to the staff. one of the young lasses said she'd seen muse. i said id heard that the edge had gone on stage with them for a song. she said, "yeah, he got a great reaction, although i couldnt understand why they wanted a wrestler on stage with them."

you can imagine the stunned silence as me and the other 3 middle aged lock up assistants just looked at eachother before we pissed oursleves laughing. When we said who he was she said "ahhh, that makes more sense then"

indeed !