Longdrop splashback situation.

[bunter]

Following a rather heavy couple of days last week i finally found myself hovering above a Longdrop on saturday morning, all was well and good until the unthintlable happened and i felt the unmistakable slop of the Longdrop splashbacking. Hastily i withdrew from the situation to safety but now i fear it was all vain as i now have what appears to be a gaping chasm running right the way down from my ass cheek to the back of my knee. Now i'm not sure if it was the ammonia or the defacation which done it but regardless of that i'm wondering if maybe eavis might have a case to answer, what do you think?

[Flange Basket]

sue him because you did a massive shit?

yeah, give it a try.

[Keef]

W. T. and quite frankly, F.

You got splashback from a long drop?? That's gotta be a good few feet of splash height displacement right there which would require some force, surely.

So you got a bit of ammonia solution on you. As long as you wiped it off straight away (and lets face it, why wouldn't you?) then I don't see how it could harm your skin. Even if you didn't wipe it off then I doubt it would be strong enough to mark your skin. Fecal matter would also not mark your skin permanently (I don't think - I don't know as I'm not into that kind of thing).

Well it's a nice battle scar to show the grand kids...

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Why? Was he in there with you?

[General Lee]

I had to check it wasn't Tommmy starting this thread.

Not meaning to cast doubt, but I reckon you'd have to drop a small car in there to risk splashback. Had you been storing it up since the last festival?

[verrymerry]

Is Tommy Mike 99?

[jamseyboy]

STAY WHERE YOU ARE.....DO NOT MOVE. Specialist decomtamination units are poised around your home...obey all orders! It seems that the mutation we always feared at Glastonbury has started and you are the first victim....Mad Glasto has started. If we move swiftly you will...sorry may...be okay if not then I am afraid it is the worst possible outcome...your body functions will pack in, you will not be able to comunicate coherently and finally you will lose the ability to act rationally. I am sorry but it could mean that your Glasto days are over.......................however you will be perfect for V!

[tommmy]

Following a rather heavy couple of days last week i finally found myself hovering above a Longdrop on saturday morning, all was well and good until the unthintlable happened and i felt the unmistakable slop of the Longdrop splashbacking. Hastily i withdrew from the situation to safety but now i fear it was all vain as i now have what appears to be a gaping chasm running right the way down from my ass cheek to the back of my knee. Now i'm not sure if it was the ammonia or the defacation which done it but regardless of that i'm wondering if maybe eavis might have a case to answer, what do you think?

[Jackmypie]

That's why I take dumps in the portaloos

[jamseyboy]

That's why I take dumps in the portaloos

[rexclark]

That's why I take dumps in the portaloos

[chris northwest]

I had a mate who went in a portaloo and was never seen again!..........oh no sorry it was a police box.

[Kowalski]

Not meaning to cast doubt, but I reckon you'd have to drop a small car in there to risk splashback.

[Banana Co]

There are some things in life that seem to go together

Like egg and bacon and beans

You can't imagine one without considering the other

Like hip-hop and low slung jeans

Then there are the opposites that should never attract

Like mushroom clouds and sky

This is a story of two such things, here's a clue,

Two words – Poo and Eye.

The poo was mine, as was the eye

How they met, I promise soon will be revealed

I'm no exception when I say that in every single way

Poo in the eye is never something that's appealed

Was it luck? Was it fate? Was God brimming with hate?

There seems no answer to my question why?

on this cloudy day, luck looked the other way

and I got a bit of poo in my eye.

It was Glastonbury Festival on a Thursday afternoon

I was standing with Ben, my mate

We were watching England vs Portugal in the European cup

I needed a wee but I thought "it can wait".

Amongst 80,000 others we stood and cheered

Watching huge screens by the main stage

Emotions ran high, we drank the cider bus dry

From minute to minute we swung from joy to rage

Half an hour in, amongst a furious din

Ben turned to me and asked "you alright Chris?"

It was then I confessed that as the game progressed

I was desperately needing a piss.

"Well go then" Ben said. I should've listened and fled

but said "no it's cool, I'll wait til half time"

"I know what I'll do, I think I know where there's a loo

"only ten minutes left, I'll be fine"

As match tension grew, so did my bladder

I drew on all my reserves of will power

But in containing the strain I began to feel pain

Every minute seemed to take about an hour

"this is stupid" I thought, "I'm gonna get caught short"

I said "Ben, it's no good I need the loo"

I wove my way amongst the crowd, shouting out loud

"mind your backs, full bladder coming through"

Now the throng was much thicker than I'd assumed it to be

And I hadn't really taken this into account

The journey took longer, the urge got stronger

Pressure really was beginning to mount

At the edge of the field I took a left at the gate

Expecting to find my urinal saviour

I was alarmed to see it wasn't where I thought it would be

And I began to exhibit some slightly strange behaviour

Whilst twitching and jerkin', I asked a druid in a merkin

"Excuse me mate, can you tell me where there's a john?"

He pointed, I ran, this wasn't in the plan

Turning green, all I could do was hold on

On sight of the toilets, I thought my story would end

In a beautiful flood of relief

But instead my head sent a message elsewhere

Which I received in panic, shock and disbelief

As we all know, when wee's ready to flow

Number one can easily become two

Yes after all that clenchin', it was like my brain just mentioned

To my bowels they might like to relax too.

I'm like "Oh my God! this is very very bad"

I'm talking seconds, just seconds to go

I was only prepared, for a wee, now I'm scared

If I can make this, I really don't know

I nearly tore the door off a stinky portaloo

As I stumbled, sweating inside

The impossible hell at the bottom of this well

Yawned at me like a shitty mouth open wide

Scrambling, fumbling, no time to prep the seat

I climbed aloft and adopted the squat position

No sooner was I there, with an undignified air

My body emptied of it's own volition

The tension preceding this shower had such incredible power

That I poo-ed with a force unprecedented

Everything departed, I cried and farted

But what happened next was to render me quite demented

My poo hit the paste in the cesspit of waste

That I glimpsed beneath my trembling thigh

And the velocity of the plop sent a solitary drop

On the rebound straight into the corner of my eye

Nooo I screamed and roared with fear

Not believing this could be happening to me

How can I find myself with poo in my eye

When all I originally needed was a wee

Time slowed to a pace where I hovered in this place

Overwhelmed by both relief and revulsion

That one drop could contain so much evil and pain

Was momentarily too much for comprehension

But but that's wee and blood and disinfectant and drugs

And poo, please god have mercy tell me why

Of all the parts of my body that could possibly absorb splashback

How could that horror find the corner of my eye?

The bubble burst and I panicked, drunken and fearful

I cleaned myself and ran out of the dunny

I stuck my eye under the tap, letting water clean the crap

Out of my eye thinking one day I'll find this funny

I spent the rest of the night, a fearful sight

Terrified I might just lose my vision

Too embarrassed to tell my mate I got in a terrible state

Mentally replaying the poo drop and its precision

I had a smoke to calm me down but all it did was make me frown

As paranoia just added to my condition

But as the sun rose next day I felt the panic fade away

And I released myself from my morbid disposition

I lived to tell the tale. The eye is fine

And not a word of this is anywhere near a lie

So keep your eggs with your bacon and your fish with your chips

But I don't recommend poo in the eye.

Edited July 4, 2011 by Banana Co

[elias]

I lived to tell the tale. The eye is fine

And not a word of this is anywhere near a lie

So keep your eggs with your bacon and your fish with your chips

But I don't recommend poo in the eye.

[wolfticket]

Is splash back on the long drops even physically possible? Did you eat a house brick or something?

[Amii]

There are some things in life that seem to go together

Like egg and bacon and beans

You can't imagine one without considering the other

Like hip-hop and low slung jeans....

[Lilmiz]

I lived to tell the tale. The eye is fine

And not a word of this is anywhere near a lie

So keep your eggs with your bacon and your fish with your chips

But I don't recommend poo in the eye.

[ukmountie]

I had to check it wasn't Tommmy starting this thread.

[VeeDub]

Given the amount of splashback i encounter in my own home sometimes, and given the height of the 'water level' in some of the long drops, I reckon it is possible.

Worst case scenario? AIDS.

[strummer77]

I had to check it wasn't Tommmy starting this thread.

[Jackmypie]

Given the amount of splashback i encounter in my own home sometimes, and given the height of the 'water level' in some of the long drops, I reckon it is possible.

Worst case scenario? AIDS.

[K8P]

Unless the longdrop was full to the brim : )

[BrendanCalls]

Tip of the cap to Banana Co. That was a hilarious read. Brilliant n

[bunter]

Believe me, the long drops are easily shallow enough to permit splashback.