Glastonbury festival

[Catford_Chris]

Pfft, telling us to broaden our minds when yours doesn't seem to see beyond London.

[redmosquito]

Catford Chris is a trolling tit

and his rhymes are shit

He's 30 and still sucks on his mommas bits

he's so gangsta he uses words like blit

he's gonna get taken out in a drive by hit

He's working class and he dons sportswear

His mums so hairy she got mistaken for a bear

But she still writes his name in his underwear

Sorry that's the best I can do, they didn't teach me ho to go about 'battles' in my Latin lessons at school

On a more serious note though I did see someone of a lower class who was wearing a tracksuit last year, I was so angry that he'd been let in I threw up my pelvis.

Edited April 21, 2010 by redmosquito

[danbailey80]

What do you think you're doing, pig?

Do you really give a fig, pig?

And what's your favourite sort of gig, pig?

Barry Manilow

Or the black and white minstrel show?

[redmosquito]

Does anyone know if there will be dedicated camping areas for butlers again this year? The swan sandwinches my batman cooks up are a life saver at 2am

[lizki]

Brilliant thread

Reading this in my lunch break at work - have laughed out loud at least 5 times - that NEVER happens at work!

Well done everyone!

Edited April 21, 2010 by lizki

[Rufus Gwertigan]

You are Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex and I claim my £5.

[ilovelanegan]

I'll be honest, I've never let a Scouser get near enough to me to find out. But I've heard they smell of angel delight and petrol.

[LondonTom]

[Catford_Chris]

Get your own back, starring Dave Benson-Philips

Vet your own sack, certain Gav Henson's in it

Brown and Davey and the man Cleggy-Clegg

Frowning's crazy unless you've got a peggy leg

Peeps from Norwich need some gin in their tonic

Leaps the porridge like some kid playing sonic

Spouting the bile like the geezer called Eavis

Doubting the trial laughing stupid like Beavis

Sheets and files, haste and topical QUANGOS

Produces guile, but likes the tropical Tango

The key to these folk is nothing less than focal

Me and the smoke are spewing straight outta Eyjafjallajokull

[Langdale Wolf]

This is fantastic - and well done for rhyming with Eyjafjallajokull, albeit appallingly.

Best thread of the year so far.

[Catford_Chris]

well he can rhyme, that's for sure... but it is a load of bollocks.....

and he's a snob too

[Langdale Wolf]

well he can rhyme, that's for sure... but it is a load of bollocks.....

and he's a snob too

Edited April 21, 2010 by Langdale Wolf

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Nah, he's just a mixture of Adrian Mole, Al Murray and Alan Partridge. He's a bloody genius.

[Langdale Wolf]

I think you need to get out more son

[Balumba]

Is that you Jamie T?

[ukslim]

Nah, he's just a mixture of Adrian Mole, Al Murray and Alan Partridge. He's a bloody genius.

[t77]

Well this has been a hilarious way to spend a coffee break, I think I might be one of the few that find Chris really funny. Brilliant thread.

[Barefooted_raver]

Chris. Keep up the good work..

We may smell like angel delight but it is better than smelling of wee..

[Alzeefest]

I’ve been ignoring this thread as the title is w*nk, but just realised the amount of replies it's had and boy did I make a mistake, is this kid serious!!!!!! Come on it must be a joke, I normally stick up for the people on here who get a hard time but this is a step to far, come on is this a joke it must be this lads an absolute plum!!!!!!!!

Edited April 21, 2010 by Alzeefest

[Catford_Chris]

I still can't believe this isn't being taken seriously by some. The following just about sums up where we are at the minute:

This thread is serious and raises a point

Pisshead's delirious and blazes a joint

Geri was ginger and posh one was glam

Drinks like a binger and noshed off B's clam

Pugwall sung like a fool, guitar was his main tool

We rule, the young drool, to generalise a drugs mule

Opens her legs like a pond full of salmon

Sir with your fried eggs would you like some gammon?

And no, this ISN'T a joke.

[Langdale Wolf]

I still can't believe this isn't being taken seriously by some. The following just about sums up where we are at the minute:

This thread is serious and raises a point

Pisshead's delirious and blazes a joint

Geri was ginger and posh one was glam

Drinks like a binger and noshed off B's clam

Pugwall sung like a fool, guitar was his main tool

We rule, the young drool, to generalise a drugs mule

Opens her legs like a pond full of salmon

Sir with your fried eggs would you like some gammon?

And no, this ISN'T a joke.

[Alzeefest]

I still can't believe this isn't being taken seriously by some. The following just about sums up where we are at the minute:

This thread is serious and raises a point

Pisshead's delirious and blazes a joint

Geri was ginger and posh one was glam

Drinks like a binger and noshed off B's clam

Pugwall sung like a fool, guitar was his main tool

We rule, the young drool, to generalise a drugs mule

Opens her legs like a pond full of salmon

Sir with your fried eggs would you like some gammon?

And no, this ISN'T a joke.

[Digi]

Whats a 'binger'?

Colour me clueless!

[Rufus Gwertigan]

Chris. Keep up the good work..

We may smell like angel delight but it is better than smelling of wee..

[ampersand]

Whats a 'binger'?

Colour me clueless!