Funny things you overheard 2013

[chrisharkness]

'fucking hell mate, you should start wearing a burqa' to a sunburnt bloke first thing after he walked out of his tent was pretty good too

[st dan]

I heard a bloke and his girlfriend/wife arguing and he walked off and screamed .. "When we get home on Monday were finished .. But I won't let you ruin my festival now. See meet me in the tent later for some Glasto lovin'!"

Really made me laugh .. Wonder if they've made up!!

[abu hamster]

A random get said to me he was at Seasick Steve and his guitars sounded like he had made them himself.

or

"there was twelve of us but the cat won?"

[swede]

The escapologist in the circus field was also a comedy genuis but quite risky with it as well. I for one dont see dont see offense in any joke so it wasnt a problem for me or most of the people watching but a minority of people winced at some of the things he said. A quartet of male indian dancers were walking through the field as he was mid set to which he suddenly stopped and said with one arm out, the other hand pointing at them......"please welcome to the stage for one afternoon only..........JLS !"

[scrippit]

A couple of lads in the Pennards Hiil camping stopped us and asked if we wanted to see a "Yorkshire suntan". Not wishing to offend we said "yes, of course we do". One of the lads lifted his shirt to show off the whitest torso I have ever seen, contrasting well with his burnt face and arms.

They then laughed themselves to their knees. Strangely enough we were also in an unusually humorous state. We laughed with them for a few minutes before moving on. Surreal.

[budvar]

While watching The Smashing Pumpkins the bloke next to me, said:

"I'm fed up with these bloody concept albums that you can only get via carrier pigeon every 6 months"

[Georgeh]

Whilst in West Holts guy comes up & asks "where's the nearest toilet? I can smell one but don't see it" the nearest was 100 yards away in the Cabaret Field.

Outside Circus Stage, a guy looking like Jesus walked right through the middle carrying a 5ft hola hoop & the guy on stage stops his act & says "fuck me mate I bet you wish you had that 2000 years ago, they couldn't of nailed you to that c**t"

Edited July 2, 2013 by Georgeh

[Sarah-Lou]

Me to my 6 year old Son "Do you need a wee?"

Son: no

Me to boyfriend: Bladder of steel

Son: Are they on now?!

[The Goo Goo Doll]

Josh doyle saying "a quick mention to dave smith(whoever) you took loadsa drugs last night died and im the only one who can see your ghost" random but funny also funny things shouted from micheal campari from his show "i didnt leave when you turned up"

Theres a strange woman following ya speed up youl lose her..oh shes with you"

[Paf_82]

Bloke from cnd on the pyramid stage:

"If you think its bad standing on the pyramid stage talking to all you people, its not as bad as nuclear war"

#accidentalpartridge

Edited July 2, 2013 by Paf_82

[mkgirl1981]

Outside Circus Stage, a guy looking like Jesus walked right through the middle carrying a 5ft hola hoop & the guy on stage stops his act & says "fuck me mate I bet you wish you had that 2000 years ago, they couldn't of nailed you to that c**t"

[Mini_web]

At the pyramid stage during The Stones by some 18-20 something girl to her friends,

"The only reason they were so famous is because they could play guitar but nowadays everyone can play guitar... And, they took drugs but everyone takes drugs now"

Shoot me now!

[Monkey Boy 44]

Rather 'Posh' sounding girl in the stone circle on sunday night enquiring about balloons

Girl: Excuse me, how much are you selling those for?

Noise maker/ Balloon seller: Two Pounds each.

Girl: That sounds expensive for what it is?

Noise maker/ Balloon seller: Not really, that's what they are everywhere else.

Girl: Hmmmm....will you give me 4 for ten pounds?

Noise maker/ Balloon seller: Yes. Yes I will.

Girl: Excellent.

Queue us killing ourselves with laughter and the girl wondering what was so funny.

[muddychick]

Overheard on Sunday night after Mumfords.

"Good food goes straight to your aresehole.Fact."

[Thearg]

Bunch of lads walking through the greenfields towards the stone circle about 5am,one of them ''Yeah Shangri la's this way''

I was too bolloxed to tell them otherwise.

[muddychick]

Just recalled another. When Mumfords were talking about Teds fast recovery,a woman leaned over and asked me,"Who's Ted? I'm not a fan". Caused much guffawing around us.

[about_today]

im starting to doubt all of this the more I think about it....

before nick cave, 14 year old girl starts drinking piss from a bottle because she is thirsty, immediately afterwards the stewards start handing out cups of water

before the horrors, some girl starts telling me that she sat on a bench next to the singer (i assume she went to school with him) and he refused to speak to her saying that he only speaks to intellectually stimulating people... I laughed and she said 'see i am intellectually stimulating'

shangri la some bloke came over to me to show me a video he took of a man wearing a monkey mask, then he just walked off.

[pedmills]

Bunch of lads walking through the greenfields towards the stone circle about 5am,one of them ''Yeah Shangri la's this way''

I was too bolloxed to tell them otherwise.

[dancelittleliar]

Rather 'Posh' sounding girl in the stone circle on sunday night enquiring about balloons

Girl: Excuse me, how much are you selling those for?

Noise maker/ Balloon seller: Two Pounds each.

Girl: That sounds expensive for what it is?

Noise maker/ Balloon seller: Not really, that's what they are everywhere else.

Girl: Hmmmm....will you give me 4 for ten pounds?

Noise maker/ Balloon seller: Yes. Yes I will.

Girl: Excellent.

Queue us killing ourselves with laughter and the girl wondering what was so funny.

Edited July 2, 2013 by dancelittleliar

[eoJ]

To be fair the person in question probably meant "I wonder what this artificial snow is made of?"

[cassiel1972]

No, they actually had a sign regarding the snow - I can't remember what the fake snow on trees was made out of (all I can remember is it was biodegradable) but the stuff floating around in the air was biodegradable washing up liquid.

[cassiel1972]

My favourite was the young lad in the queue from South London who was convinced - absolutely convinced - that you weren't allowed to take toilet paper into the Festival. He was quite proud that he'd been smart enough to bring wet wipes instead.

[robthedude]

This was outside my tent.. with people that I knew about 4am

Girl ; NOS is just like pancakes isnt it.

followed by, Silence, head shaking, then

Everyone else ; Go on explain that theory because that has confused us all.

Girl ; Well you have to serve everyone one before you have your own.

Everyone else. Ok fair enough, cant really argue with that.

[BA4 4BY]

Having just told a 20's something couple outside the William's Green tent that The View had cancelled the set they were due to play 10 minutes later due to illness, the girl turned her back to me and I overheard her say to the bloke "he's bullshitting, he sounds pissed."

Unfortunately I wasn't bullshitting, it was lunchtime, and I was stone cold sober!

[fatyeti24]

from Josh Doyle onstage at Avalon

"if you're name's Steve, you're wearing a Levellers t-shirt and dreadlocks.. you died in an acid trip last night and i'm the only one who can see your ghost. come and see me after the show. we need to talk"