Polygamy

[sifi]

In no way an attempt to stir a bit of life up on the boards .... should polygamy be legalised? I'm very happily monogomous and have been for an awfully long time now, but it did occur to me that it's not really up to me or anyone else really to decide how other people live their lives if they want to, assuming no-one gets hurt and it's not all David Queresh from Waco style compound living. But if a man wants to have two wives and the two wives are happy to share the man, why the hell not?

[jump]

I've got no problem with it, but becuase of the churchies & consertavites it wont go through or it'll be like the gay marriage and it will be called civil partnership or something stupid instead.

[lifelessfool]

I think it's OK, I think it's because perhaps young and stupid I don't believe in marriage nor do I really see the point in relationships, if someone wants more than one person who are we to judge, especially if everyone involved is happy with the arrangement.

[philipsteak]

Like all things to do with love and sex, as long as it's fully consensual then it should be nowt to do with anyone else. Does seem like hard work though.

[RABun]

As long as it works both ways - so i can have 2 husbands or wives and vice versa then its fine by me.

[gedrulz]

Have always said that it should be legalised. Just because it doesn't fit christianity doesn't make it wrong.

[Katster]

A marriage is (traditionally) the legal marrying together of a man and a woman in the eyes of their religion and their loved ones.

A civil partnership is (traditionally) the legal marrying together of a man and man or a woman and a woman outside of religion.

If a man wants to marry more than one woman (or indeed what if a man wants to marry more than one man?) it would have to be 'classed' as something completely different to marriage in the tradtional sense, or civil partnership in the traditional sense - otherwise, there would be no point to (or such thing as) either marriage or civil partnership!

I do agree though, if someone wants to marry more than one person, and someone is happy to share their partner, they should be allowed to do so within the eyes of the law.

It would get bloody complicated when it came to divorce time though, if it isn't already complicated enough for a man and a woman who no longer wish to be married!!!

[worm]

Whey aye, f**k it.

[Alcatraz]

Yeah but you wouldn't have enough time for eFestivals if you did

[feral chile]

Well I'm a little against marriage in principle, because of the whole ownership and inheritance stuff it's based on.

But each to their own i suppose, if everyone's happy.

Nah, it doesn't sit well with me, because I can't get my head away from thinking that it's just possession - a man owning two wives. Otherwise why bother? Can you commit to more than one person, and all of you be equally happy in a stable and equal multiple relationship?

I reckon there'd be loads of jealousy and rivalry.

Edited June 7, 2011 by feral chile

[Kyelo]

A no from me. Ok I disagree with it in that I'm old fashioned however my main reasons are...

1. massive legal problems

2. mental problems for those involved, both partners and children

3. leaves a massive gate open for abuse from cultural and religious ideals

[Jaybles]

No from me.....

Women are expensive enough as it is, without having two of them.

[jump]

Well I'm a little against marriage in principle, because of the whole ownership and inheritance stuff it's based on.

But each to their own i suppose, if everyone's happy.

Nah, it doesn't sit well with me, because I can't get my head away from thinking that it's just possession - a man owning two wives. Otherwise why bother? Can you commit to more than one person, and all of you be equally happy in a stable and equal multiple relationship?

I reckon there'd be loads of jealousy and rivalry.

Edited June 8, 2011 by jump

[rexclark]

In theory I agree people should be able to do whatever makes them happy as long as everyone involved is ok with it.

Personally though I very much doubt I'd have the energy to have more than one woman on the go nevermind be married to two!

[feral chile]

Sorry but I disagree with the logic in the that line about owning wives, for a man to own 2 wives then it would still have the same issue as a normal marriage where a man owns 1 wife which isn't the case.

Not that I am for having a polygamy type relationship myself but I can see certain situations where it could work. I knew an asexual girl who would let her boyfriend sleep with other people as she had no interest in it herself and the boyfriend had wouldn't hide her from other girls and most people I have met in open relationships (I know it's not quite the same thing) they have rules where they both of them have to agree on the 3rd person and potentially people who have kids with more than 1 partner.

Edited June 8, 2011 by feral chile

[feral chile]

Not that I am for having a polygamy type relationship myself but I can see certain situations where it could work. I knew an asexual girl who would let her boyfriend sleep with other people as she had no interest in it herself and the boyfriend had wouldn't hide her from other girls and most people I have met in open relationships (I know it's not quite the same thing) they have rules where they both of them have to agree on the 3rd person and potentially people who have kids with more than 1 partner.

[jump]

I'm guessing here but maybe it works in a similar way to kids, just because you may have more than one it doesn't mean you're less committed to the others. They maybe dedicated to having 2 people in their life as in they want them both for the long run rather than the just the 1, I'm only 25 and my friends are about the same age and some of whom get into a relationship and they spend all their time in a relationsip bubble and ignore their friends so maybe what there people are missing is a group dynamic which you can't get as when you get older your friends are in relationsips bubbles of their own and don't wont try fill that void with work/kids or whatever.

I have been in situations where loved more then 1 person at the same time so I know it's possible although I wouldn't/didn't act on it but the types of people who would want this situation have totally different view point to the rest of us and I don't think things like the historical meaning of marriage was possession etc would even occur to them and to be honest it doesn't even occur to me.

[feral chile]

I'm guessing here but maybe it works in a similar way to kids, just because you may have more than one it doesn't mean you're less committed to the others. They maybe dedicated to having 2 people in their life as in they want them both for the long run rather than the just the 1, I'm only 25 and my friends are about the same age and some of whom get into a relationship and they spend all their time in a relationsip bubble and ignore their friends so maybe what there people are missing is a group dynamic which you can't get as when you get older your friends are in relationsips bubbles of their own and don't wont try fill that void with work/kids or whatever.

I have been in situations where loved more then 1 person at the same time so I know it's possible although I wouldn't/didn't act on it but the types of people who would want this situation have totally different view point to the rest of us and I don't think things like the historical meaning of marriage was possession etc would even occur to them and to be honest it doesn't even occur to me.

Edited June 9, 2011 by feral chile

[jump]

You can be committed without a bit of paper. I don't understand why people still get married if they're not religious. There are no social or legal reasons for it any more, so what's the difference between living with someone and getting married?

If sifi had said do I think it's wrong to have a committed relationship with more than one person, I'd have said no, not wrong, but probably unworkable, because of rivalry and jealousy. How likely is it that the relationship is going to be equal between all parties? If two are sharing one, that'll cause problems. Like any social grouping, you're going to have some kind of hierarchy within it, it's unlikely to be totally egalitarian and democratic.

It's the married bit altogether I'm unsure of. It's like people with multiple divorces - it kind of defeats the whole point of what marriage is meant to represent.

Monogamy is supposed to be totally unnatural for humans, by the way.linky to scientific blurb

I think a lot of unhappiness stems from trying to live up to a societal ideal. Because fidelity is valued and expected, if a partner fails to live up to these expectations, they'll feel pressured into deception.

And that's when the real damage gets done. Because trust is vital, faithfulness isn't necessarily.

edited to add: before anyone starts to wonder, my husband and I are faithful to each other. on his part, because he buys into the whole monogamy thing. On my part, because I buy into the whole honesty thing. I often say to him, if you cheat on me, let me know, so I can have a go.

[feral chile]

This may be jumbled as I can't be bothered to split up your post.

No disrespect but I think the bigger issue here for you is you don't believe in people getting yet you got married yourself.

People get married because they intend to be together for ever and the sense of romance they still like the idea of romance, the big wedding day and the active effort of making an active commitment.

I've known a girl that has been engaged 3 times in 5 years and breaks it off just before because she's too eager to be in love and what's a fairy book happy ending and I also know a girl who got engaged at 17 for pretty much the same reason and both had issues with their parents and to they want to build what they lacked in childhood.

Isn't their an hierarchy in all relationships, every couple I meet there's always a dominant one and it's not always the man in many cases and with my friends as a group there's no clear leader/alpha male we take the role depending on the situations.

Edited June 9, 2011 by feral chile

[feral chile]

Just wanted to add a few thoughts I had regarding this.

I think the whole concept of marriage, monogamy and romantic love involves the concept of ownership. You're meant to give yourself, body and soul, to another person. That person owns you, emotionally and physically.

This is an unrealistic ideal. We're all free, and can't legislate for our emotions. As humans, we're not meant to mate for life with a sole partner.

I think it's far healthier to accept our humanity, and realise that people can have feelings for more than one person at the same time. Though if you act on them, then there may well be emotional and practical repercussions.

So I don't think monogamy is necessarily right, it depends on the people involved.

But the concept of marriage, whether you like it or not, involves ownership -'to have and to hold' - it's even in the marriage vows. So if you buy into the marriage concept based on the Western ideal of romantic love, then I'd have thought you'd have to buy into the concept of monogamy as well.

I'd just like to add that I'm being a bit hypocritical here - because although academically I can see the problem with marriage, I personally still conform to the rules within it. Otherwise, I'd just get divorced and live with my husband.

[ampersand]

i'm struggling to get one person to touch my cock, let alone two!