singles thread

[feral chile]

nah. Some people pay attention and link stuff up properly, others don't. It's nowt to do with gender.

it's been my experience that men have trouble paying attention to anything verbal, never mind non verbal lol

I think men tend to perceive anxiety as aggression, so that could have a biological basis. A communicated threat making women anxious, maybe gathering up offspring. men going on the offensive, to counter the threat.

That might make sense.

[feral chile]

If you are talking sexually, then I think you are just submissive not that there is anything wrong with that.

It doesn't have to be dominant/submissive. You've been reading too much crap popular fiction lol

You can have equality and reciprocity.

[AcademicPistol]

It doesn't have to be dominant/submissive. You've been reading too much crap popular fiction lol

You can have equality and reciprocity.

Worse than that I am afraid I don't read books at all.

I know that, most of my sexual relationships have been reciprocal sexually but in the way worm was describing what he wanted it sounded the woman to be more dominant.

[worm]

Worse than that I am afraid I don't read books at all.

I know that, most of my sexual relationships have been reciprocal sexually but in the way worm was describing what he wanted it sounded the woman to be more dominant.

Nah man. I don't want them pinning me down aggresively or owt. I mean draping themselves.

[Katster]

Apologies for what i have started. Been out tonight. Seen lots of muscles but my taken friend got lots more attention than i ever could. Oh well.

[worm]

Apologies for what i have started. Been out tonight. Seen lots of muscles but my taken friend got lots more attention than i ever could. Oh well.

I reckon you're rebounding. Stop looking. You need time to heal. You need to seperate and come to terms with everything. Don't go looking for a quick fix.

[feral chile]

I reckon you're rebounding. Stop looking. You need time to heal. You need to seperate and come to terms with everything. Don't go looking for a quick fix.

I agree with this advice. At the moment, you'll probably end up making comparisons, and any new relationship/experience will thus be tainted by association.

[Katster]

Oh i am not looking for a relationship. It would have just been nice to grab some attention on a night out! It wouldn't have gone anywhere! Just wanted a bit of fun and not to be left on my own while my taken mate goes of dancing. I did get talking to a very nice old man who was the nicest gentleman, so it wasn't a totally depressing night.

[feral chile]

Oh i am not looking for a relationship. It would have just been nice to grab some attention on a night out! It wouldn't have gone anywhere! Just wanted a bit of fun and not to be left on my own while my taken mate goes of dancing. I did get talking to a very nice old man who was the nicest gentleman, so it wasn't a totally depressing night.

Oh yes, attention's always nice.

[Katster]

Exactly.

I meant what i said when i said i won't be searching this time around. But a girl has to have some fun on a night out!

[worm]

I agree with this advice. At the moment, you'll probably end up making comparisons, and any new relationship/experience will thus be tainted by association.

Reckon that's what the ex has done. Saw her last night. She gave me the most evil glance I've ever received, and I've had a few. She probably exited for my cousin's. I posted a video of The Cure's The Kiss on FB when I got in. At 5 this morning she posted the exact same video with a message saying 'help me'. Her profile is private and she set this to public, so it was clearly for my attention. She kept saying she missed her most 'intimate friend' and that she couldn't trust telling me everything.

Fuck this!

[eFestivals]

you're very fucked up over her, clearly.

[worm]

you're very fucked up over her, clearly.

I care mate. She isn't well. There's no getting through to her though. She'll be back needing my help again, but I can't do it anymore.

So in short, yes. Yes I am.

[Katster]

If there is one thing i have learnt its that you can never help a partner unless they want to help themselves. I almost burnt myself out helping the boy cheese and in the end i achieved nothing. Sometimes the best thing you can do is leave them to it. Even if they suddenly decide they do now want to help themselves.

[AcademicPistol]

She kept saying she missed her most 'intimate friend'

Femfresh?

[feral chile]

I care mate. She isn't well. There's no getting through to her though. She'll be back needing my help again, but I can't do it anymore.

So in short, yes. Yes I am.

If she wants your help, why doesn't she ask you directly? Would you be able to be a friend to her, if she didn't want anything else?

[worm]

If she wants your help, why doesn't she ask you directly?

Scared because of the love attachment. I'll want more and she thinks I'm controlling.

Would you be able to be a friend to her, if she didn't want anything else?

Not if she's sleeping with my cousin.

[feral chile]

Scared because of the love attachment. I'll want more and she thinks I'm controlling.

Not if she's sleeping with my cousin.

It's a difficult one. Neither of you can walk away, yet you're seemingly unable to give each other what you each want from one another.

[worm]

It's a difficult one. Neither of you can walk away, yet you're seemingly unable to give each other what you each want from one another.

Indeed. She sees wanting me as a weakness.

[feral chile]

Indeed. She sees wanting me as a weakness.

Yet she wants your help.

If she see herself as a strong, assertive woman, how does that fit in?

[Rufus Gwertigan]

I care mate. She isn't well. There's no getting through to her though. She'll be back needing my help again, but I can't do it anymore.

So in short, yes. Yes I am.

A few years back I was getting involved with someone that had some severe issues. To start off with I was ok with it and then one day I had to have a deep think. I really did not want to rescue her and take the trouble on board necessary to do that. That went against my natural instinct but I have made a decision not to put myself in a situation where my emotional and mental health could suffer to the point that I would need help again.

[feral chile]

A few years back I was getting involved with someone that had some severe issues. To start off with I was ok with it and then one day I had to have a deep think. I really did not want to rescue her and take the trouble on board necessary to do that. That went against my natural instinct but I have made a decision not to put myself in a situation where my emotional and mental health could suffer to the point that I would need help again.

Yes. Nobody should try to give more than is healthy for them to give. It won't work, anyway, you'll have a domino effect going on.

You're not their psychiatrist. A friend can give support, but can't necessarily reslolve any issues.

Edited August 4, 2012 by feral chile

[worm]

Yet she wants your help.

If she sees herself as a strong, assertive woman, how does that fit in?

Conflictedly. Ambivalence: that's what she called the way she felt about me.

And she isn't a strong, assertive woman. She's trying very hard to show the world that she is a strong, assertive woman.

[feral chile]

Conflictedly. Ambivalence: that's what she called the way she felt about me.

And she isn't a strong, assertive woman. She's trying very hard to show the world that she is a strong, assertive woman.

She might need some space to sort her head out then. She's made a mistake running to your cousin. It's complicated everything, for all three of you. She's managed to give all three of you 2 separate relationships to be reassessed.

[AcademicPistol]

It is a sucky situation to be in worm but she clearly has problems and as difficult as it is to distance yourself from her there comes a point where you need to for both of your sanities or until she sorts out her 22-year-old head out.