NFR NFC >>>>>>2015

[A Guy Called Matt]

As his missus said to him the first time.......?

Cheeky bugger!!!

[A Guy Called Matt]

Is that real, Matty? Seems to good to be true!

No idea if it is genuine or not, but it made me laugh.

[A Guy Called Matt]

https://www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/jobs.cgi?jcode=1433928

Matty, if you ever get bored lol

Mumble mumble mumble

Gets out old CV and makes amendment to show I have a degree or six

[A Guy Called Matt]

I called the Keep Britain Tidy campaign, but no one's picking up.

[lucyginger]

I called the Keep Britain Tidy campaign, but no one's picking up.

Oh dear.

[A Guy Called Matt]

Oh dear.

Shall I get my coat?

[Mr Splodge]

Shall I get my coat?

No keep them a coming

[A Guy Called Matt]

Rather pleased with myself today, just finished my jigsaw puzzle in 7 months and it said 2 to 3 years on the box.

[A Guy Called Matt]

If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady...
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

[A Guy Called Matt]

I saw a man in a wheelchair wearing camouflage this morning.

I thought 'You can hide ...'

[A Guy Called Matt]

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that

[A Guy Called Matt]

"Wolfgang!" called Mozart's mate. "What?" said Mozart...

And they were eaten by a gang of wolves.

[A Guy Called Matt]

We went to see my grandfather not long before he died. He asked us to spread lard on his back.

He went downhill very quickly after that.

[fatyeti24]

Matty, mate, we've all had a little chat, and, well..

We're worried about you, Matthew.

Have you thought about taking a break? Maybe go for a walk in the woods. Take your camera. You like that, don't you? Maybe you'll see some animals. You like animals, don't you?

We're all thinking of you and hope you get well again soon.

[A Guy Called Matt]

No keep them a coming

Matty, mate, we've all had a little chat, and, well..

We're worried about you, Matthew.

Have you thought about taking a break? Maybe go for a walk in the woods. Take your camera. You like that, don't you? Maybe you'll see some animals. You like animals, don't you?

We're all thinking of you and hope you get well again soon.

Well make your minds up!!!!!!

Until you do I shall give you some more gems!!

[A Guy Called Matt]

I joined the new Tesco dating website.

They sent me a bag for life...

[A Guy Called Matt]

Q. What did Jay-Z call his wife before they were married?

A. Feyonce

[A Guy Called Matt]

They always say, a criminal returns to the scene of the crime.

Is that why there are so many Australians in England.

[Mr Splodge]

Why do ghosts love elevators?

Because they lift their spirits

[fatyeti24]

Two eggs in a frying pan.

Egg 1: "hello"

Egg 2: "OMG A TALKING EGG!!"

[Mr Splodge]

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

[Mr Splodge]

How do you catch a bra?

With a booby trap.

[A Guy Called Matt]

Yey - they are all at it :-)

[cokebabies92]

I know a guy that crushes pepsi cans for a living.

It's soda pressing.

[A Guy Called Matt]

Did you hear about the prisoner who escaped from Alcatraz on an inflatable mattress?

He had to Lilo for a while.