Special Songs

[feral chile]

My special song came on the radio this morning, and it prompted me to wonder what the stories are behind those songs that really get to us.

Mine is Wires, by Athlete, because it reminds me of when my son was born. I think some of you might have heard this one before...

My son was a foetal distress baby. After being induced, they put me on the baby monitor and there was just a jagged dip where the heart rate should be. By the time we got a midwife, they couldn't find a heartbeat, so they were going to give me an emergency Ceasarian. But just as they were wheeling me down to Theatre, I felt an almighty urge to push, and he was born.

The midwife held him up in the air, and he didn't move. There was just this lifeless blackish-purple body still curled up in the foetal position. A doctor came, scooped him under his arm like a rugby ball, and ran out of the delivery room.

Then there was a 45 minute wait. I felt calm, completely empty, because I thought I already knew he was gone. Then came the midwife, telling us we needed to see the doctor as he had something to tell us.

Then the first miracle happened. The doctor told us that our son hadn't breathed on his own for 40 minutes, and they'd had to send for a paediatrician from another hospital. They'd taken him to that hospital, where he was in intensive care, and they'd managed to get him breathing. He'd been severely starved of oxygen, was fitting at the slightest noise and touch, and had suffered brain damage. he was in a coma.

but he was alive.

They told me later that when he was born, he'd had 10 minutes to live, and the Caesarian would have been too late.

Over the next 8 days, they explained to us that his whole body, including his brain, had been starved of oxygen, and they didn't know how permanent or severe the brain damage would be. We couldn't hold him, because he'd fit after any stimulation. He was on phenobarbitone to control the fits, and every fit increased the risk of permanent brain damage. They didn't know whether it was the phenobarbitone or the brain damage that was keeping him comatose. He was fed through tubes and was totally unresponsive.

After 8 days came the second miracle. He woke up, and took a feed. This was obviously a huge deal medically, the staff were beaming, and calling him their miracle baby. They now knew that any brain damage was likely to be slight, he might miss his milestones, but he'd be able to enjoy a relatively normal life.

Well, he's never missed any milestones, and is now doing his A Levels. he seems completely unscathed by his ordeal, apart from the fact that I've mollycoddled and spoilt him all his life.

I'm not religious, but if I were, I'd feel blessed. I think I've used up my quota of miracles.

Anyway, that's my song, and the story behind it. Do any of you feel up to sharing your stories?

Edited February 12, 2012 by feral chile

[Katster]

I have heard your story before, but never in so much detail I don't think?

I have three special songs - John Lennon, imagine - the beautiful south, the woman in the wall and chariots of fire.

Imagine reminds me of when my cousin took his own life and how sad/confused I was at the time.

The woman in the wall reminds me of my grandma dying not long after and how I couldn't sing along to the part about 'made a grave from, Hoover bags' because I thought it would upset my mum.

And chariots of fire for no reason that I am aware of summons strong sad emotion in me whenever I hear it.

I have other special songs for silly reasons and I can't listen to crazy by gnarles barkley without thinking about the man that almost did...make me crazy.

Wires by athlete is a very emotional song and I am glad to hear your boy is doing well

[Ed209]

That's some pretty moving stuff Feral, what a great ending.

One of mine is "do you realize?" by the flaming lips.

I arrived at Glastonbury 2010 on the Wednesday afternoon, obviously me and my mates hit the drinks and stuff straight away, that brilliant excitement of first night at glasto when everyone is high on life and other stuff. Then at about 10pm that evening I got a phone call from the brother of one of my best friends to tell me my friend had been killed by a car on his way home from the pub in Reading a couple of days earlier.

Obviously this totally knocked me sideways. I was in a total state. from high as a kite, I went to a really dark place. It was impossible to enjoy my Glastonbury at all, i was just very distant, and felt guilty anytime I tried to enjoy myself.

I was wondering if I should leave glasto and make the trip to Ireland for his funeral, but I kept trying to convince myself that Chris would have wanted me to stay at glasto, after all he loved life and partying. So I tried to keep going, but it was really hard work.

I got to Friday evening, and started with the Gorillaz - who were dull as shit, so me and a small group of friends decided to head over to the other stage to go see the flaming lips. What I then experienced was nothing short of an epiphany. The flaming lips were incredible. Was utterly joyous and life affirming. It culminated in them playing "Do you realize?" with ticker tape, lasers, people dressed up as giant bunnies, and the whole crowd grinning ear to ear. The song has the lyric

Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know

You realize that life goes fast

It's hard to make the good things last

You realize the sun doesn't go down

It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

and at this moment my whole outlook on the situation changed in an instance. I found peace and clarity and said my own personal goodbyes to my friend. Obviously I didn't just get over his death in an instant, but it allowed me to move forward and enjoy the rest of my weekend, the rest of glasto was in dedication to Chris.

Every time I hear that song I think of Chris and that moment, and it makes me grin.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

One of my dearest friends was buried a year ago today. We had a song that we (four of us altogether) made up and used to sing when we were beyond drunk. There's no point me writing the song down as it'll mean nothing to you. Just glad of the opportunity to say what I've said and to keep his spirit alive.

Very happy to hear your storey feral and that your son's doing well.

[grumpyhack]

What a great thread. Some songs will take you straight back to a place, a time or a person - or possibly all three.

My first was BDD by The Groundhogs. My first daughter Charlie was also a breech birth and didn't breathe for a seeming eternity after being eased out. But all turned out OK. I remember driving home from the hospital around 7am just screaming "yee hoos" of delight. I put a cassette into the car radio (that dates it) and by chance it was that Groundhogs track which will, forever be associated with Charlie's arrival.

The second is Van Morrison and, in particular, Someone Like You. My first date with my wife was going to see Van. We'd met a week or so before and over a coffee she'd said she liked Van Morrison. "Oh so do I," I claimed (not actually particularly true). Later that week I spotted that Van was playing Cardiff and I got two tickets and asked my wife if she'd like to go. Now it's one of 'our songs.' (Apparently Van is the most requested single artist of Desert Island Discs.

My Third would have to be Teach Your Children by Crosby Stills and Nash. It's a track I've always liked but it has a special place after it was chosen by a friend of mine for his funeral a couple of months before he died. It was a humanist funeral where several of his favourite songs were played but now whenever I hear it I smile and remember Alan.

Next has to be Drive by The Cars. Played during Live Aid with the accompaniment of such a powerful film. It had so many people in floods of tears and resulted in a huge jump in money coming in. I still weep when I see it. Live Aid and that film re-awoke a sense of concern for others in lots of people that had withered in the Thatcher years.

I love weepies. I'd also have to have There But for Fortune by Joan Baez.

[feral chile]

My anthem is Hold Your Head Up - Argent. It's helped me through many a difficult time with resisting peer pressure. Not only does it sound good, the lyrics are a real comfort when people are putting pressure on you to conform.

Hold Your Head Up lyrics

And if it's bad

Don't let it get you down, you can take it

And if it hurts

Don't let them see you cry, you can make it

Hold your head up, hold your head up

Hold your head up, hold your head high

Hold your head up, hold your head up

Hold your head up, hold your head high

And if they stare

Just let them burn their eyes on you moving

And if they shout

Don't let them change a thing that you're doing

Hold your head up, hold your head up

Hold your head up, hold your head high

Edited February 17, 2012 by feral chile

[feral chile]

Thanks for sharing your stories, I hope those who were remembering a loss didn't end up brought down as a result of sharing.

Some very moving stories there.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Well I didn't go down feral. When I think of my friend I always remember the laughter and the good times. I still wish he was here but feel privileged to have known him for as long as I did.

[feral chile]

Well I didn't go down feral. When I think of my friend I always remember the laughter and the good times. I still wish he was here but feel privileged to have known him for as long as I did.

[bunique]

Wow feral, what a fighter your boy was, amazing story

[feral chile]

Wow feral, what a fighter your boy was, amazing story