Amusing Glastonbury Quotes

[rustybutcher]

"whats that on top of your lip? is it a mustache? is it a mustache?"

[Pinhead]

Remember another bloke with a megaphone in around 2000 as well I think broadcasting over a developing crush between Other and Pyramid stages and their performances, "Can you start making your way back to your tents now please!"

[Storm_NL]

I remember in 2005, walking past one of the submerged areas... there were a considerable number of people standing about looking into this big pool of mud, peppered with the occasional floating bottle, piece of tent fabric, toothbrush, etc.. there were bubbles, and then, like a kraken bursting forth from the depths, a bearded Poseidon emerged in a muddy geyser, brandishing a six pack of lager.

The crowd, predictably, went absolutely mental.

We salute the unknown beer saviour.

[lynz_star]

After Radiohead in 2003 me and my friends, like so many others, foolishly arranged to meet at The Guardian cow to the right of the stage before going down to Lost Vagueness for further fun and games. When we got there, obviously we didn't have a hope in hell of finding each other, but my friend is quite fond of climbing things so he shimmied up the pole and sat a-top the cow! We were obviously very pleased as now we could find him and our other mates, and the crowd were pretty pleased with him too - lots of cheers!

Anyho, as we were making our way towards said cow, this massive burly bloke turned round to me and my friend, shook his head and pointed to my friend, riding the cow. "That bloke..." he says, "...honestly, it was funny the first time, but he's milking it now."

Maybe it was the shrooms, but me and friend just lost it and by the time we found our mates were in such a state of hysteria we couldn't even explain why. Good night!

[Foxie_laydie]

This thread's the best!

[Foxie_laydie]

In 2005 my mate took off his wet wellies and socks and tried to dry his feet over our fire. he set the hairs on his toes on fire and he screamed "big toe, big toe ,big toe!" Same guy had a rather strong smoke the day before and looked at me and said "ooooooh betty", maybe not immediatley funny but hilarious in jokes all weekend.

Edited June 18, 2008 by Foxie_laydie

[gordy]

After Radiohead in 2003 me and my friends, like so many others, foolishly arranged to meet at The Guardian cow to the right of the stage before going down to Lost Vagueness for further fun and games. When we got there, obviously we didn't have a hope in hell of finding each other, but my friend is quite fond of climbing things so he shimmied up the pole and sat a-top the cow! We were obviously very pleased as now we could find him and our other mates, and the crowd were pretty pleased with him too - lots of cheers!

Anyho, as we were making our way towards said cow, this massive burly bloke turned round to me and my friend, shook his head and pointed to my friend, riding the cow. "That bloke..." he says, "...honestly, it was funny the first time, but he's milking it now."

[staggerlee]

This was actually in Benicassim, but my mate was quite f**ked and is also short sighted, in the distance there were three women with litter pickers making the way through the crowd seeking out litter, my friend said, 'three of the most attractive blind women I've ever seen' it was the reaction of the stranger next to me that made it all the funnier.

[Salt_On_Everything]

the one above me is f**king GENIUS!

[FunkyChunkyMonkey]

After Radiohead in 2003 me and my friends, like so many others, foolishly arranged to meet at The Guardian cow to the right of the stage before going down to Lost Vagueness for further fun and games. When we got there, obviously we didn't have a hope in hell of finding each other, but my friend is quite fond of climbing things so he shimmied up the pole and sat a-top the cow! We were obviously very pleased as now we could find him and our other mates, and the crowd were pretty pleased with him too - lots of cheers!

Anyho, as we were making our way towards said cow, this massive burly bloke turned round to me and my friend, shook his head and pointed to my friend, riding the cow. "That bloke..." he says, "...honestly, it was funny the first time, but he's milking it now."

Maybe it was the shrooms, but me and friend just lost it and by the time we found our mates were in such a state of hysteria we couldn't even explain why. Good night!

[mr_bizarre]

Possibly the biggest missed opportunity of my life??

It was my first Glastonbury, it was Sunday and we were all walking around on a lovely acid trip (that's how all Glastonbury stories should start no?) At the time (when not in a field) we had been watching The Beavis and Butt-Head Do America movie quite a bit. In it they get very high on some old persons medication & run around screaming:

I need TP for my bunghole

(He does this in a South American accent)

So whilst walking through some field or another a South American lady walks right up to me and says:

I am looking for TP!

And I pointed her in the direction of the TP fields, for which she seemed quite grateful.........

Then a few minutes later, once she had disappeared over the horizon it hit me! BUNGHOLE !!!

I didn't scream TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE at her!

Probably the biggest missed opportunity of my life

[goldfishboy]

wandering around monged last year at about 4 in the morning we stumbled on a tent that was serving tea.

a guy came over and asked us "who would win in a fight - 10 duck-size horses, or one horse-size duck?"

[jontippins]

My mate rang me in 2000 in the early hours on Friday morning (still dark) asking us to meet him so he could set his tent up next to ours - He'd just spent approx 14 hours in a traffic jam so wasn't in the best of moods.

"Can you meet me" - he asked

"Where are you - I need some sort of landmark" - I Reply

His response was, "Im at the festival in a field full of people next to the toilets"

Luckily he was next to the only identifiable toilets in the festival, the long drops by the stone circle so we managed to get him but I swear he thought that they were the only toilets on the site

[yasgursfarmhand]

Back in the early nineties - Glasto clashed with a major footy tournament as it does regularly. A crowd of about 500 had gathered in front of the pyramid on rumours that they were going to show an important game. The crowd waited and waited and started to get a little impatitent.

Suddenly the screens flickered into life only to reveal a greenpeace video, which started off with images of marine mammals.

The crowd were stunned into silence, til a mate exclaimed "Oh look, whales are playing"

Guess you had to be there

Gets coat

[mr_bizarre]

Back in the early nineties - Glasto clashed with a major footy tournament as it does regularly. A crowd of about 500 had gathered in front of the pyramid on rumours that they were going to show an important game. The crowd waited and waited and started to get a little impatitent.

Suddenly the screens flickered into life only to reveal a greenpeace video, which started off with images of marine mammals.

The crowd were stunned into silence, til a mate exclaimed "Oh look, whales are playing"

Guess you had to be there

Gets coat

[Karlhippy]

Heard a bloke trying to find his tent in Pennards shouting 'some f**kers rearranged all the tents'.

[Jason447]

Embarrassing moment (not for me) - finding my wife and my sister dancing to the noise from a generator behind an ice cream van.

[lynz_star]

Then my missus came out of the toilet and saw me. "Why are you dancing to the shitsucker?" she said.

I have had the piss taken out of me ever since.

[Glasto Love Squeezings]

"They're all coming to get me, they know what I've done"

My mates brother after a bad trip, funny now but we've thought we'd lost him for good at the time....

It was the time of the 2005 freak weather (early hours of Friday morning) and he thought it was all for him!

Bit egocentric...

[mr_bizarre]

Reminds me of my embarrassing moment. Saturday night 2003. I was still slightly off my head and walking to my tent with my missus. She needed the toilet, and whilst I was waiting outside the portaloos for her I heard a repetitive beat, which got me moving my body in time with.

A guy walks past and gives me a knowing look. "Great tunes," he said, and I nodded in agreement, too monged and caught up in the beat to reply.

Then my missus came out of the toilet and saw me. "Why are you dancing to the shitsucker?" she said.

I have had the piss taken out of me ever since.

[clockworkpurple]

Reminds me of my embarrassing moment. Saturday night 2003. I was still slightly off my head and walking to my tent with my missus. She needed the toilet, and whilst I was waiting outside the portaloos for her I heard a repetitive beat, which got me moving my body in time with.

A guy walks past and gives me a knowing look. "Great tunes," he said, and I nodded in agreement, too monged and caught up in the beat to reply.

Then my missus came out of the toilet and saw me. "Why are you dancing to the shitsucker?" she said.

I have had the piss taken out of me ever since.

[Salt_On_Everything]

sounds like tyres out of 'Spaced'!

[muffin]

this made our group laugh a few years back during a particularly heavy downpour. we're all standing under a gazebo by our tents. walking by... some 50ish year old bloke, who was possibly a little 'tired and emotional' was having a right strop with his partner/wife.

in a very childish manner he utterly SCREAMED "this is f**king shit... i just can't take it anymore... I'M GOING HOME!!!!!!!!"

this brought a deathly hush over the entire nearby campsite. until we heard one random solitary, calm voice gently holler... "gay!"

the whole camp pissed them selves.

[shazbam]

This thread has had me laughing out very load in the middle of a busy office - you should see the looks im gettting ha ha

[Foxie_laydie]

wandering around monged last year at about 4 in the morning we stumbled on a tent that was serving tea.

a guy came over and asked us "who would win in a fight - 10 duck-size horses, or one horse-size duck?"