Amusing Glastonbury Quotes

[amfy]

Struggling along between the Pyramid and the Other Stage just as the mud reached it's gloopiest consistency, my other half shouted "EVERYBODY STOP!"........amazingly loads od people did stop and look round til he went on...."YOU'RE JUST MAKING IT WORSE!"

[freehugs!]

last year we were all trying to find our friend who was apparently at the stone circle.

we all started shouting his name to find him 'George wright! george wright where are you!!!'

needless to say everyone else at the stone circle then started to shout his name till hundreds of people were screaming 'george wright!!!'

meanwhile, he was at the stone circle, tripping off his box, to then suddenly hear every single person around him screaming his name. once hed sobered up and told us his experience it was very funny to say the least

[FestMonster]

at Leeds festival 2002 a random guy who was sat down leaning on the security fence round the camp site happily chatting away while random people where reliving themselves on the fence, as i was walking away i heard him shout down the phone I'm sat in f**king piss

Leeds festival again heard a conversation in the tent next to us

guy 1 What the hell is that ?

guy 2 sorry mate

guy 1 its shit ? you've f**king shit in my pillow why did you do that

guy 2 well i didn't want to do it in mine

[BlackHole2006]

During mark ronsons set:

Mark Ronson: At glastonbury you always have to do something diferent and unusual.

Random hippie smoking a massive f**koff joint: I f**ked my gran! (He literally shouted it so loudly that on the coverage the bit where mark ronson did that speach got taken off the air)

Also on the sunday when we were having this horrible tasting chinese, some random guy walked past looking as if he was talking to someone on the phone, you know how people look when thier trying to find someone. We then turned round and looked again, and he was actually holding a banana to his ear.

Cheers,

BlackHole2006

[lianne and craig]

at 5 am on the sunday morning, i was sittin in the porch of my tent when a man asked if he could have some of my water, after many thanks from him he explained that he hadnt been back to his tent since thursday.........dread to think what state his underpants were in........

[swell]

This happened @ V last year but seems fitting, Sunday night heading back to the campsite Me and the Mrs decide to stop for food at one of the stalls. After about 15 minutes queuing at a falafel stall the young lad in front of us asks for a chicken one, when the guy serving explained they only sold falafels, the lad replied what the f**ks a falafel, think the guy serving got as far in his description as "chick peas" when the young lad nearly wet himself turned round to tell the entire Que its a f**king falafel stall like we was all mental, then just walked off hungry scratching he's head and laughing to himself

[Funkfarley]

Its not a quote but still funny, and I have told this before on another thread but it still makes me laugh so Im gonna tell it again!

Anything goes at Glasto...a member of our party (who shall remain nameless to protect their identity) Got destroyed on perry, tripped over a guy rope, flew straight through our gazebo, headbutted a pole on the other side and the gazebo tilted to a 45 degree angle! Much to our hilarity!

AND....later on that evening came to join us at the stone circle (Still destroyed on the perry...too much time at the cider bus methinks!) threw up on the grass...sat down very close to said vomit, lost their balance on the sloping terrain and consequently rolled down the hill...through the puddle he had made earlier. Again, much to our hilarity. Especially when he denied being sick AND then rolling through it!

[nina3d]

From 2007...

QUOTE

Bill Bailey realising that 'I've got soul but I'm not a soldier' doesn't really mean anything and that The Killers might as well be saying:

"I've got ham but I'm not a hamster"

The caberet tent was singing that for the rest of his set!

[pezzypops]

Thank you for this. After reading this yesterday, I have been singing "I've got ham but I'm not a hamster" ALL day today. And laughing afterwards. Like a nutter.

[somecoolusername]

i like "i've got toes but i'm not a toaster".

[Petaldaze]

This thread is class!

One of my funniest glasto moments is when camped in Pennards a pal went (on sunday morning) to the loo and on his return said (with utter seriousness) 'Ive just come back from the glade longdrops and they were absolutely spotless!!'

Overheard.....'Oh yeah what band was it we saw?...Arctic Fire I think'...It was a couple of yrs ago and the arctics and arcade fire were on...i've always wondered which she saw!

Overheard (2)...from inside a tent one sunday morning...

Girl....'are you going to wash today?'

Boy....'No I dont see the point...everyone else smells like a foot so I don't see why I shouldn't'

[somecoolusername]

Arctic Fire is some crazy-ass juxtaposition.

Taking it literally or in band terms.

[explorer]

a funny thing happened back in 86 when you could park next to your tent.

it was poring down,me and the other 4, 19year old's were sat in the car

smokin when a huge welsh bloke tapped on the window,shouting "LET ME IN"

in a really deep welsh accent .after saying this several times we were all finding

it very funny until the lad in the passinger seat (who was tripping)opened the door and moved

up to let the stranger in.

after gettin in and shutting the door we all went really quiet,not knowing what he would do next.

when he suddenly shouted (LET ME OUT)in a really deep voice.

we let him out shut the door an locked it.

the shouts of let me out-let me in in a deep voice went on all weekend.

last year whilst sitting on the hill near the oak tree with wife and children watching the great

neil diamand sing the first line of red red wine,when my wife overherd a waman behind say

"OMG he's going to kill this song why is he doing ub40".

[sufcmatt]

2008, the cinema tent. It's Kill Bill Volume 1. The scene where Uma thurman is paralysed because she'd been in a coma for months and months. She scrapes along the floor, desperately, harrowingly, clawing her way to freedom. Her legs are limp, flaccid shadows of their fomer selves. Everyone in the cinema tent watches, dumbsturkc, hoping this will never appen to them. The tent is silent - everybody is watching on tenterhooks, to see if she'll make it. The only sound is her grunting as she tries to escape.........

Then, at the back, someone SCREAMS: "LAZY BITCH!!!!!!!!!

the entire tent pisses themselves.

Edited April 15, 2009 by sufcmatt

[Funkfarley]

One from when I saw Bill Bailey - 'I've got knob but I'm not a hob nob'

Personal fave is I've got pants but I'm not a panther. Not even one of his.

[amfy]

I've got plums but I'm not a plumber.

[Roger Explosion]

In 2007, it had been a long, long, long saturday.

My mate and i arrived back at camp around 5am. Sat around , reflected on the day and lit up a spliff. We decided after about a half hour, that it was time to brush our teeth. So we head down to the sink, and we just stood there, unable to even process the thought.

We stood there in front of the sink staring at our tooth brushes for over an hour. Occasionally looking at each other and cracking up and then the whole process just started again. We were stuck in a loop and could not escape...

On the way back, we got lost (we weren't even that far), and all we knew is we were south of the pyramid. My mate starts yelling out - SOUTH?!!! SOUTH!!??? HAS ANYONE SEEN SOUTH!!!

Bloody marvellous...

BRING ON JUNE!!!

[Hellborne]

Last year, sitting by our tents on the Wednesday evening a bloke comes walking round selling magic mushrooms and the following conversation ensued:

Mushy man: Magic Mushrooms! Magic Mushrooms!

Me: Yeah, over here mate. What kind are they?

Mushy man: Magic ones!

Me: Yeah, I know that mate, but what kind are they - Mexicans, Liberty Caps, Truffles?

Mushy Man: I don't know, I'm from Wales!

Still makes me laugh now.

[thatshowitstarts...]

Overhead:

'I'm on Ketamine, I don't need a chauffeur!!!!!'

???

[winnets99]

BUMPETY BUMP BUMP!

[planetcat]

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THREAD I HAVE EVER READ!!!!

[Magic Bus]

From our memorable neighbour Wayne....."I'm not drinking anymore water.....I've only had 3 bottles of water and 2 of those were vodka........"

[siblin]

One from when I saw Bill Bailey - 'I've got knob but I'm not a hob nob'

Personal fave is I've got pants but I'm not a panther. Not even one of his.

[Storm_NL]

I've got a badge but im not a badger

[SJC]

From our memorable neighbour Wayne....."I'm not drinking anymore water.....I've only had 3 bottles of water and 2 of those were vodka........"