Comedy tent

[Fizzy2734]

2 nuns at a traffic lights when a vampire jumps onto the bonnnet of the car and starts snarling.

"What should we do sister asumpta?" Asks one nun.

"just lean out and show him your cross" she replies.

Acknowledging she leans out the window "f**k off you stupid c**t and piss off home, your scratching the paintwork"

[pothead pixie]

Whats white and blue and swings through the jungle?

A fridge with a denim jacket on.

[Lamabeater89]

What do you call a Ned in a fridge?

Solid!

[Kowalski]

The big cloud of dust that has closed all airports has been traced to the man cleaning Hearts trophy cabinet.

[Bigstevo]

A man walks into a bar, say's ooyah!

It was an iron bar.

[I Hart Digital]

what do you call a drummer without a girlfriend

homeless

[preacherman_1]

Is it too early for jokes about Iceland????

Oh well, guess we should wait for the dust to settle.

[blackg1000]

What's the difference between an Icelandic volcano and Cheryl Cole?

The volcano is still blowing ash.

[preacherman_1]

Husband say to his wife, want to play a rape game?

She says "No!"

He says "That's the spirit!"

------------------------------

I was having dinner with MC Hammer and Chico the other night when I asked them for the time.

It was absolute carnage.

[Kowalski]

A guy and a gal are making out in the back seat of their car...

She says "Billy, I want you to kiss me!"

So Billy kisses her.

After a while she says "Billy, I want you to kiss me somewhere wet!"

So he does.

After a while she says "Billy, I want you to kiss me somewhere wet and smelly!"

So he starts the car...

She says "What are you doing?"

And he says "I'm taking you to Elgin!"

[parkylad]

what do you call a black pussy?

coont

what do you get when you cross down syndrome with potassium?

special k

[Fauldhouse]

What do you call a Ned in a fridge?

Solid!

[Eh Ah Ken]

whats brown and sticky???

Anal

[Kowalski]

Good to see racism is alive and well

[tweemo freak]

What do u call a drug for chickens?

Eggstacy

!

[blackg1000]

What do you call a black guy that has lost 30 stone?

Lenny Henry.

[Fizzy2734]

An irish fella takes his mates back to see his new flat and after a few more beers asks him, whats the big brass gong hanging on the wall?

Paddy says its my speaking clock, how does it work?, i'll show you.

He hits it full pelt with a claw hammer and a voice from next door yells..............

"For f**ks sake you c**t, its twenty to three in the morning!!!!"

[stu150]

What's the fastest Town in Scotland?

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

What's the bouncyest town in Scotland

Aboyne

What's the shortest town in Scotland

Insch

I'm so easily amused!!!

[Eh Ah Ken]

im surprised there hasn't been a jew joke yet. around here all people seem to tell is jew jokes.

[preacherman_1]

what do you call a jew flying a plane?

.......

[blackg1000]

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

[tweemo freak]

im surprised there hasn't been a jew joke yet. around here all people seem to tell is jew jokes.

[Kyelo]

Look at the topic description !

[Kowalski]

The Germans proved the Jews were flammable though

*making sharp exit*

[Kyelo]

It's not funny. My great-grandfather died at a concentration camp.

He fell off a watchtower.