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Young,Dumb and Living off Mum BBC3

Guest gratedenini

By Guest gratedenini
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oafc0000 Newbie

oafc0000

Posted
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I said I started with no rules, and then worked out which ones worked (like consistency). They weren't rules that only apply to bringing up kids though, simple, general rules that apply to life in general usually.

where have I said or indicated I control them? (he asks, knowing it will probably be ignored)

it's not an accident, it's behaviour where they haven't experienced the consequences. You can suggest to your kid a million times that touching something like a hot iron will be a painful experience. It's almost an inevitabiltiy that they won't realise it until they've done it. Obviously something more important like running out into the road needs to be understood before they've experienced the consequences by being hit by a car.

you see how different situations need different responses?

this is why I generally steer clear of 'rules'

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feral chile Apprentice

feral chile

Posted
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So no rules was bullshit spin....

So lets talk about control.... Which of course you don't do...

If you saw your kid about to run into the road would you stop them ?

If your kid didn't want to do there home work would that be ok ?

Depends on the severity of the crime and age of the child...

Removal of pocket money, restriction of freedom, restriction of toys, time on the naughty step... All that sort of stuff... No doubt you think its barbaric :)

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feral chile Apprentice

feral chile

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Well what I have found out is you do have rules... and you do control them... and basically you like to spin and call a rule and control something else :)

Would I punish my kid for running in the road... No... Would I punish my kid for playing chicken in the road... If I was made aware of it yes...

On is clearly an accident and the other a silly naughty child...

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oafc0000 Newbie

oafc0000

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yeah that's what I was getting at earlier. What you call control I'd call support and guidance. Of course nobody is advocating allowing their kids out terrorising the neighbourhood. Of course there are boundaries. But I'd say I promoted caring values rather than making hard and fast rules.

It depends whether you call instilling social values and teaching personal safety is control I suppose.

Edited by oafc0000
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RABun Newbie

RABun

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I don't think I would (althogh never say never and all that) but right now I'd probably try my best to stay away from that. I don't mean to sound like a prick or that, but I personally wouldn't be able to handle that.

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llcoolphil Newbie

llcoolphil

Posted
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I'll always remember walking out of the hospital for the first time with our first baby thinking "ok, it's real now, what the f**k do we do?"... :D

The thing I also remember was how I wanted, desperately wanted her to be brought up as freely as possible, with the main rule being 'no rules!'

I still look at my kids and think that I'm still partly wondering what it means to be a dad

honesty, communication, consistency, open up their minds as much as possible, don't say they can't do something unless you have a good reason, be there for them...

above all, LOVE THEM

similar to how I feel for anyone I care about really... these are my main 'foundations'

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oafc0000 Newbie

oafc0000

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I'd suggest that someone who uses the word 'control' as opposed to 'support and guidance' is after something slightly different. Many many parents DO think it's their role to control their kids, which is quite often the precise reason their kids get out of control. One of my best friends brought up his kids with precisely this kind of thinking. One of his sons is now out of control. He comes home on Friday night, usually with blood on him from some stupid fight he's started, and has very little to look forward to, he's almost a lost cause... it's very sad. He loved his boys, but he didn't really show it...

and we all have different ideas of what social values are

Edited by oafc0000
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llcoolphil Newbie

llcoolphil

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I'd suggest that someone who uses the word 'control' as opposed to 'support and guidance' is after something slightly different. Many many parents DO think it's their role to control their kids, which is quite often the precise reason their kids get out of control. One of my best friends brought up his kids with precisely this kind of thinking. One of his sons is now out of control. He comes home on Friday night, usually with blood on him from some stupid fight he's started, and has very little to look forward to, he's almost a lost cause... it's very sad. He loved his boys, but he didn't really show it...

and we all have different ideas of what social values are

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