Flaminglippy

Was at the cashpoint today and some Jehovah's Witnesses tried to give me a copy of 'The Watch Tower'. Maaan, you know the saying 'barking up the wrong tree'. I am sooooo far removed from their target market, they were like a cat mooing at a urinal. But one of them was quite fit, which makes it a lot worse in a way.

Great...I change my hair style, grow some facial hair...and now I've been told (today alone) I look like Peter Barlow (he is on Coronation Street apparently), Hitler and (still) fucking Ricky Gervais. If I could sell my face to the criminal fraternity I would make a fortune. I am like a 1 man version of 'Face/Off'. Stick a pic of Beaker out the Muppets, Ricky Gervais, Joe Pasquale, Hitler, some Corrie arsehole etc in your passport, give it me and watch me walk through customs unchallenged.

Music...along with bullshit and disappointment, one of lifes very few constants (I think that the other 2 are supposed to be death and taxes but Bruce Forsyth is disproving the former and most of Take That have disproved the latter).

SSDD

Apparently if you hold a seashell up to your ear you can hear the sound of everybody round you saying 'Why is that twat holding a shell to his ear to hear the sea, he is on the bloody beach'. Thats a bit like the knobheads who go to gigs then watch the entire thing through their phones as they film it. God, that really gets on my bloody nerves.

Bloody hell. I came in and they were playing The Jam. Now its that rapey fuckwit Robin Thicke. If you ever didn't understand the saying 'From the sublime to the ridiculous' here it is in a handy aural form. Update...right after Robin Thicke its 'Charmless Man' by Blur. If its deliberate whoever did this playlist is a fucking genius

Peter Jackson...a gentleman not overly familiar with the concept of 'less is more' its fairly safe to say. Sat through the 2nd Hobbit...a film so long that I was managing to forget stuff before it actually happened. In fact the only bit of it I can remember after less than a week is the hour of it when he filmed all the little Scottish dwarves on the log flume at Alton Towers.

"So I went to the record shop and I said "What have you got by The Doors?" He said "A bucket of sand and a fire blanket". Another Vine zinger!

Robin not Robbie...fuck

"Sometimes I fantasize, when the streets are cold and lonely, and the cars they burn below me"

Kendal 2014!

Quick reminder...Naki is over from Australia so we'll be in OC's from 5 on Thursday

Top, top weekend. Great music, great people. Taaaaaaaaaa!

Wow...just passed a place 'Clit heroe'. A more exciting version of 'Guitar Hero'.

For the life of me I can't understand why I thought reading about the Ebola virus when I couldn't sleep was a good idea. Bleeding from your ears is one of the symptoms. Happened to me once but luckily it was just because I'd accidentally ended up listening to 30 seconds of 'The X-Factor'.

Gonna need match sticks to stay awake for Craig Charles tomorrow

What kind of dickhead skateboards at 10.30pm?? Its hard enough to sleep anyway without some tattooed student fuckwit in 3/4 length shorts pissing about on a kid's toy outside my bloody window. The world is full of arseholes and gobshites.

Gotta try and get my bastard tent back in its bag before Kendal tomorrow...why do they make it so hard?? I'm not looking forward to it. The tent thing I mean, Kendal I am obviously. Suede and De La Soul! Fuck yeah! Lee Bedingham, Emma Steggles, Sophie Parrish, Neil Bellis, Dannielle Cox, Stephen Carrigan, Andy Smith

'Carpe Died'...'Seize the murder weapon...probably a fishing rod'

Very funny...and a bit scary.

'Carpe Diet'...seize the celery

Starting to think given it smells slightly of cigarette smoke and the fact that he got out of breath walking down his path when I collected it, the previous owner of my exercise bike was probably telling the truth when he listed it on ebay as 'hardly used'.

Haven't heard anything about UKIP saying something stupid in the news recently. Does somebody want to check they haven't got stuck in an endless loop in a revolving door somewhere?

Sarah Ball. Filled in a survey today about festivals and there was a box that asked for improvement suggestions. I remembered what Harry said to you about what would make them better so put in 'Having cheese sandwiches there'. We'll see next year...

Hmmm...go and see The Transformers film or smear shit on my eyeballs with a scouring pad...decisions decisions. Actually, just bought a new packet of sponges, shame to waste them.