Flaminglippy

Good news about Schumacher coming out of his coma. If I was his doctors though the first thing I would do is detune BBC1 out of all the TV's in the hospital incase he accidentally hears any of Phil Neville's commentaries and slips straight back into it.

Anybody interested in 2 tickets for the Kasabian gig in Leicester next Saturday? A mates got 2 tickets to flog. Make an offer! (no jokes...I'm not a fan either!)

I had an absolutely fantastic day. Unfortunately the day in question was the 21st September 2007. It wasn't today. Today was shit.

Just watching 'The League' on Netflix (cheers for the heads up Chris Gill,top programme). Its a really weird thing, but its true that blokes show their affection for their mates by ripping the piss out of each other constantly. If you're out with a bunch of mates and you don't get insulted every 30 seconds, then you're not part of that crowd (at least, thats what I keep telling myself).

Was that the same Lewis Hamilton on 'Soccer Aid' talking about how bad poverty is that spent £20m on a private jet last year and has been a tax exile for donkeys? Surely not...

''I fully intended to go home straight after work. Ended up going for an accidental quick pint. Was walking past a pub 2 hours ago and heard the Smiths. Decided to walk back and have a quick pint. Then he played Stone Roses, Stevie Wonder, and Arctics...after that the whole night is a blur...but not Blur...yet" And that your Honour, is my defence!

Just did my own 10 commandments. Didn't take long...started when I put my chips in and the smoke alarm hasn't gone off yet-. 1) Be nice to everybody, all the time 2) It doesn't matter what colour, shape or size they are 3) Even if they fuck somebody who is the same sex... 4) What has the above got to do with you?? Seriously?? As long as its between consenting adults its not something you need to concern yourself with. 5) If somebody is an arsehole though...rip the shit out of them. Make them...

Date and time for your diary people. 7.15am Monday morning. There will be a couple of new and highly descriptive swear words entering the English language (seconds after my alarm clock going off for the first time in over a week)

You know that thing dogs do when they're licking their arseholes and make a really slurpy noise like its the best thing in the world?? And you know that really happy face thing they do when they stick their head out of a moving car window? Imagine a dog licking its arse out of a car window...thats my face at a Wind-Up Birds gig. They won't be everybodies cup of tea...but given the fact UKIP got the highest percentage of the vote at the recent elections, 'X-Factor' is one of highest rated TV s...

Day out in London...great chance to catch up with Mr Aj, great chance to see a great band and a great chance to see how much beer will cost in Birmingham in 10 years time.

Sarah - 'Wait a minute Mr anger issues'. Harry - 'I haven't got angry shoes!'

This is what happens when idiots vote

Got home from voting absolutely bloody soaked. But the new Wind-Up Birds album was waiting for me when I got in! Thats my plans for the evening out the bloody window.

Just read a book in one sitting written by a vet about treating sick animals. I couldn't put it down (I think that was what it was called anyway)

Breaking news story on the BBC Website. Its been nearly 24 hours since any UKIP member has said something offensive or just plain stupid. It'll never last.

Watching the news. The maddest thing was somebody from Sudan who is getting sentenced to death for 'apostasy'. Which from what I can gather means changing from believing one lot of mental made up bullshit to believing a very slightly different lot of made up bullshit. Nobody can believe thats right surely? The worlds fucking mental.

Neville Staple from The Specials added to the Saturday Godiva line-up. Thats Neville Staple, Happy Mondays, We Are Scientists, Funeral For A Friend...for nowt! He was brilliant last year! 5th July

'A Million Love Songs'...but he only paid tax on 328. The Tory twat.

'A Million Love Songs'...but he only paid tax on 328.

Maaan...I'm totally in the zone today. Unfortunately the zone in question appears to be 'The Twilight Zone'.

2 days overtime in the bag...thats me Kendal beer money sorted! I now have a whole afternoon to do exactly what I want. Settee, get ready...me arse and you have a hot date planned

Worked out tonight me neph (the soundest little mofo ever) will have done 4 more festivals before he is 5 than I did before I was 21. Maaaan...is it wrong to be jealous of a 4 year old??

So far have only clocked up 3 minutes of actually cycling on the exercise bike as compared with 8 hours of looking at it guiltily.

Spent half an hour this morning wondering why my mom had text me asking if I thought she should download 'Avatar' onto her phone before I twigged she meant 'Avast!'. 'Kinnel.