Flaminglippy

Doing a bit of revision for festival bands and it turns out I have heard some songs by 'Example'. Can only imagine it was getting blasted out of a (stolen) car window in Northfield.

Was wondering this morning what it would be like to have sex with a pen. Then I thought, 'does that mean I am biro-curious?'

Until the last couple of weeks I thought allergies were something posh people had just made up as an excuse for being awkward fuckers. Now it turns out they're actually real. I stand corrected.

Nice article in The Guardian about real ale pubs in London. Thought I'd give a read for when I'm down for the WuB's gig in May. £3 for half a pint! 'Kinnel! You can get nearly 2 pints for that in The Peg! What a rip-off!

Easter is the one religious ceremony I can get behind as its technically the first zombie story.

Me : 'Harry, do you want to work with animals when you grow up?'. Harry : 'I don't want to have to clean up all their poo so no thanks'. Unfortunately he'll realise that 99% of most jobs involve cleaning up somebody elses shit...but 4 is probably too young to break the news to him.

Conversation with a nurse today. 'You'll have to take antihistamines. Be warned though they do cause drowsiness so you might fall asleep at work'. Me 'No worries. I work in insurance, I run that risk every day'.

Slightly disturbed at how much sleep is starting to mean to me now I'm getting older. Its at the point now where I've just had my best dream in ages, and it was a dream about being asleep. Starting to think that insomnia is because I'm so excited at the prospect of sleep I can't.

Next Saturday is officially national 'Annoying-Festival-Leftie-Athiest-Brummie-Insomniac-Gobshite-Day'. To me, that sounds like a day everybody should get behind, so if you know anybody who fits the bill, please give generously.

It could be Sunday now if you'd listened to me. Idiots.

Just a thought...but if everybody in the country agreed today was actually Saturday it could be. There is nothing stopping us. We'd have to move it back to last Saturday rather than forward to next mind or the people who's birthdays it is on Thursday and Friday would moan (huh...typical Aries...always moaning when some straw-clutching sleep-deprived idiot suggests a nonsensical plan for 65m people to unanimously decide to ignore a calendar thousands of years old in order to get some extra kip)

I'm going to write a book about frottaging, but, having never partaken, its going to be a work of friction.

Is graffiti still classed as graffiti if you're correcting an error? I'm very tempted to add a little hyphen to the wildly inaccurate claim in the Spar downstair's sign which currently reads 'Open 24 Hours A Day' so it states a much more realistic 'Open 2-4 Hours A Day'. Might take my chances.

Some professor dickwad on the news reckons research shows insomnia and disrupted sleep generally is linked to heart disease and certain cancers. Great...something else to worry about at 3am.

Just did that thing where it tells you what was No 1 on your various big birthdays, forgetting my birthday is Xmas weekend so it would all be crap. For my 16th, 18th and 21st birthdays the No 1's were Cliff Richard, Cliff Richard and Mr Blobby. No 1's?? More like No 2's.

We Are Scientists added to Godiva...happy days! Plus Funeral For A Friend

What do arseholes get out of being arseholes? Genuinely can't understand the mentality of somebody who feels better from making somebody else feel worse. Mental shit.

This bloody pollution is getting everywhere...even the condoms in my wallet are covered in a thick layer of dust.

Today managed to achieve the seemingly physical impossible task of both sucking and blowing in equal measure at exactly the same time.

Thought I'd seen everything I thought it was possible to see in the Square Peg. Then I saw people playing chess. If you're not from these parts, the Square Peg looks like the Cantina Band scene in Star Wars but with slightly odder looking clientèle. If you are from Birmingham....people were playing chess. Not using the pieces to try and kill each other, or to try and gouge misspelt tattoos on each other...actually playing chess. In the Square Peg. Fucking hell. Then I kept watch for a bi...

The film studios missed a trick not combining the 'Muppet' movie with the one about Noah. They could have saved a fortune and it couldnt have made the Noah film any less historically accurate.

'Another sunrise with my sad captains, with who I choose to lose my mind, and if its all we only come this way but once, what a perfect waste of time'.

If anybody fancies buying a cd and listening to something a little different, highly recommend 'Post War Glamour Girls' album 'Pink Fur'. It is very good. It must be, I was ironing a shirt on a Saturday morning listening to it and only swore 3 or 4 times. http://postwarglamourgirls.com/album/pink-fur

'My Sad Captains' by Elbow. A song that reminds me what music can do. Between Wind-Up Birds gigs naturally.

Just watched 'Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World'. Its a bloody rom-com masquerading as a disaster movie. Unlike my real love life of course, which is normally a disaster masquerading as a romance.