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Thinking of You!



Well first can I give a little catch up we went to Glasto with daughter and friend and it went well ... I think - was tough in places but I much prefer having to deal with Heat than Mud/Rain . Trudi's little Chinese friend Shuang left us at the start of the summer holidays - She is back with her family and although its not perfect for them (at the moment anyway) I think it was best for us and Shuang. Trudi seemed to get increasingly uptight and it was going to ruin their friendship - Turns out that she was leading up to getting type 1 diabetes - we don't know exactly when her pancreas finally gave out but it was sometime after her 10th Birthday and her starting year 6. So we spent a few days in hospital her and I . When it happens to you ( a parent ) you cant imagine anything worse - I know the worse it can mean and I know the best it can be (my dad has had it since he was 14 without too much problem up till now) little did I know that a few weeks down the line we would be hit with even more shocking news that puts Trudi's getting diabetes into the bigger picture.

Joel my second eldest Nephew who came to see Trudi in hospital just 2 weeks earlier was on the 13th October hit by a car whilst crossing a busy road to cycle home from his girlfriends house - It happened just up the road form us and the police called us that night - I went to my sister and she said I shouldn't see him she believed he was already gone and I hope/think she was right.. I never heard the extent of his injuries but they did try to do something with him even though he had just 1 percent chance of surviving ( and I don't mean living a full life) - I ended up going home to her little ones with Trudi in tow - I couldn't put her in his bed - it felt wrong so instead I put her on the couch. I waited and watched the last miner being pulled out . I wanted to believe in some hope but I did know that it would take more than that now - I knew it was just the waiting and finally it came and then I went to his room to the art work I had done for him - A gorrilaz painting - with a Joelz Cool badge on it and a manga cel I had got for him another time - his teenage messy bedroom that he shared with his 12 year old brother _ Empty - his Jacket hanging on his bed frame - I came out and waited for My Sister and Husband to come back - Then we all did that night - nobody really slept - My sister in his room, My daughter waking up to ask about him - hes gone I said hes borrowed the moon to get where he needed to go ( it was such a strange night sky that night - even strangers commented on this - but it could have been Steven Spielberg's fault!) to my relief/surprise she settled down with that news. We all waited for the morning to come and the little ones waking to have breakfast and go to nursery - I cant believe my sister drove ( I cant or I would have) and we waited while her husband got back home.

Since then there has been all sorts of emotions - the funeral is over and its been a whole 2 weeks - I am happy its half term as it means my daughter is about with me - and mainly we have appreciated each other as we should. She had a really bad Friday as they broke up as her Head teacher tried to speak to her about going to the funeral - I should have known it would unsettle her after all we know her best so instead she says when coming home - "I don't like this world - its horrible - I want you to kill me! How can it take Joel and give me Diabetes?" - I had her insulin in my hand at the time (it was just before tea) and little does she realize how dangerous that stuff can be - I am so glad that I am doing her shots for her at the moment as it would be scary leaving such a job to her because she needs to know how serious this medicine is but I don't want to give her any ideas either! What i am also getting at is although the diabetes can shorten some peoples lives - she does still has a life to live and we need to make it as good as we can (without spoiling her too much!) and all being well there is hopefully no reason why it shouldn't last a long time.

The whole thing just shakes you up - in good and bad ways - nobody know when there numbers up and to try and live life in a better way should only be a good thing? Yes we will still mess up - we are humans after all but I like to think Joel is all about us and looking out for us and bringing us through it all I hope> Love you and Ill look out for your brothers( and your sister) as best I can OK??


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