[Its Gorillaz!]

Albarn called Eavis to help.

Lets get something straight, the man saw an opportunity and he took it. People seem to forget that being a musician is a job. Don't buy the whole "cares about Glastonbury and the people" thing. He saw an opportunity for his career and he grabbed it with both hands. And good on him. It may not be about the cash (or it could be, who knows, I have no idea how much money they have) but think of all the prestige headlining Glastonbury brings. Some of you may argue that he didn't need to seeing as he was there last year but who could resist the chance to do it twice in two years?

Can't fault him for it, any of us would do the same. I am not saying the Gorillaz are cashing in on U2's misfortune, more like it was a chance they would be stupid not to go for when all it might take is a phone call. But lets not kid ourselves that they are doing it to help anyone but themselves, and why should they? Musicians are not 100% beholden to us. They rely on us to get them paid but never kid yourself that a band member would come round your house and rub your feet for you.

Looking at the whole thing, Eavis could not have done any better. Most big bands touring schedules are locked in at least a year in advance for this kind of deal. So everybody wins. Apart from the five people with the loudest voices. To those I say, shhhhh.

[Elton John]

Unfortunately, the wide spread risk of Aids means that Eavis has to prevent Elton John trying to bum us all.

[Portaloo]

Might as well just take a bucket.

[Keeping airbeds inflated]

Here's the thing.

I have never had an airbed that stays inflated. Never ever ever. I always wake up on the ground. Which is rubbish. I have no idea why. I don't weigh that much and I don't buy the cheapest ones going but they always fail.

Is there anyway to keep them from deflating in the night? OR is there an alternative that actually works? Or is there something I am doing really really wrong?

[Where to camp?]

If you are terrified of getting robbed, killed, raped or pillaged in the night the safest location is right in the middle of a field as far away from paths and people as you can get. Your tent will be lost in a sea of tents and the chances of being a victim of crime becomes incredibly remote.

But then you will probably never see your tent again. So I guess this is terrible advice. Don't listen to me.

[Glastonbury Hot Deals]

Somebody already posted this on another thread but figured its worth posting here.

http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/part...%7C14419095.htm

COMES WITH A CALCULATOR!

[Drugs at Glasto]

I think the trick is to bring all your own booze and whatever else your into and if your under-age don't go to the bar. Drink the booze you smuggle in and nobody else will get in trouble because it will be all on you. You won't get some poor peon banged up for a hundred years. Also the most annoying thing in the world is some kid asking to get you a beer so don't do it. That's probably the fairest way all round for you to get all messed up and most importatly glasto worker won't eat you all up.

Oh, and also, your a massive tool glasto virgin. You make me want to train as a policeman to prove that I can get you prosecuted.

And why are people scorning a guy who wants to drop some acid? I don't really do drugs because quite frankly I am not cool enough to pull drugs off (if a naked girl covered herself in cocaine I would probably start shouting "get rid of that! That's seven years in prison! Get out of my house!") but I thought the hippy freedom movement was the basis of this Glastonbury thing? Maybe not the whole reason for going but a part of the whole freedom message the festival is built on. All I can say is if that's not the case any more I will be sorely missing that guy who throws up on a tree and try's to apologise to it.

Not saying that glasto worker eats children btw. Not since that act was introduced in 2007.

[Resale]

I don't think you can base your opinion on whether people should get banned for making jokes about selling tickets on the quality of the joke

[Resale]

I doubt a resale will happen. If it does there won't be many going at all. Plus they have made such a big deal about it being completely sold out to turn around and say "actually we have five tickets left" would look weird....

Although we all know there is at least one ticket available now!

For the record, you deserved to get your ticket cancelled. Your mates comment was not funny and designed purely to upset people who were already disappointed and probably very upset at not getting a ticket. Nearly half a million people registered so about 70% are not going to Glastonbury this year. That is a lot of annoyed people.

Hell, even taken as a joke its not funny. It wasn't even a joke! Has anyone on here said it was funny? Has anyone on this board actually laughed at it? If it was genuinely funny you might have a point.