How do you feel?

[jannybruck]

The weather taking a bit of a turn/dropping a couple of degrees/feeling like summer's basically gone has really bummed me out. Anyone else?

[funkychick2007]

51 minutes ago, jannybruck said:

The weather taking a bit of a turn/dropping a couple of degrees/feeling like summer's basically gone has really bummed me out. Anyone else?

Apart from tht really hot week in july did we really have a summer!! Amazing last year was so good in lockdown and those luckily enough were able to spend it in their gardens!! 

[WestCountryGirl]

Thanks for all of your responses @gigpusher @Avalon_Fields @Quark @Zoo Music Girl

I'm feeling a little better this evening. I've decided that quitting my job and taking this one (if even offered!) is off the table. 

I've broken things down a bit and realised that I had a plan already, and putting this plan in action in the last month or so was already a big step. That plan being - readjusting my existing working pattern to allow more time for my volunteering activities and to gain experience in the team this interview is for.

If the interview goes well and they can offer me even a few hours of paid work, then that is a bonus. If they can't offer me the job either due to me not being right for it/the hours not working out, then I will hopefully be able to still move ahead with the existing plan.

I think this decision has been made a little easier actually by the fact that I had lunch with my existing work team today. It was really nice to see them, and I'm actually looking forward to going back into the office a bit. I think my disdain for my work has definitely been compounded by working from home - getting that separation back in work/home time will definitely help. 

[Bisque]

First day back at work today & it was good to catch up with people I’ve not seen for six weeks.

The school is expecting to see a spike in Covid cases when the kids return to school staggered from Monday through Wednesday.

Excited to be back but not looking forward to teaching year 7s who haven’t been in a school for almost 2 years & aren’t used to secondary school.

Oh & my pet Rosie moulted last night so I’m happy! Before & after pics.

[gigpusher]

13 hours ago, WestCountryGirl said:

Thanks for all of your responses @gigpusher @Avalon_Fields @Quark @Zoo Music Girl

I'm feeling a little better this evening. I've decided that quitting my job and taking this one (if even offered!) is off the table. 

I've broken things down a bit and realised that I had a plan already, and putting this plan in action in the last month or so was already a big step. That plan being - readjusting my existing working pattern to allow more time for my volunteering activities and to gain experience in the team this interview is for.

If the interview goes well and they can offer me even a few hours of paid work, then that is a bonus. If they can't offer me the job either due to me not being right for it/the hours not working out, then I will hopefully be able to still move ahead with the existing plan.

I think this decision has been made a little easier actually by the fact that I had lunch with my existing work team today. It was really nice to see them, and I'm actually looking forward to going back into the office a bit. I think my disdain for my work has definitely been compounded by working from home - getting that separation back in work/home time will definitely help. 

Great news. I think just taking the time to think and make decisions for you can make all the difference. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

I've just spent the last few days away from my home looking after my mom. I got back about 30 minutes ago and have discovered that owing to a Memory Clinic appointment just coming through, that my eldest brother has had to mention the 'D' word (Dementia) to my mom, only about 10 minutes after I had left her in his care. I understand that he had to do what he did, but would have preferred it if 'we' (all her 5 sons) had been present at the time. Nothing I can do now though. The 'D' word hasn't been spoken of before to her. I had wanted it to happen as I think she should have known straight away. I was 'kind of' overruled on that one 4 against 1. So, kind of a bit weepy at this end - like the big girls blouse that I am.

[Hutchmaster]

God damnit @Bisque if you're going to show off a bloody massive spider warn us first, I nearly threw my phone across the room 😅

[Ayrshire Chris]

15 hours ago, Bisque said:

First day back at work today & it was good to catch up with people I’ve not seen for six weeks.

The school is expecting to see a spike in Covid cases when the kids return to school staggered from Monday through Wednesday.

Excited to be back but not looking forward to teaching year 7s who haven’t been in a school for almost 2 years & aren’t used to secondary school.

Oh & my pet Rosie moulted last night so I’m happy! Before & after pics.

Whole lotta Rosie as AC/DC would say. 

[BlueDaze]

4 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

I've just spent the last few days away from my home looking after my mom. I got back about 30 minutes ago and have discovered that owing to a Memory Clinic appointment just coming through, that my eldest brother has had to mention the 'D' word (Dementia) to my mom, only about 10 minutes after I had left her in his care. I understand that he had to do what he did, but would have preferred it if 'we' (all her 5 sons) had been present at the time. Nothing I can do now though. The 'D' word hasn't been spoken of before to her. I had wanted it to happen as I think she should have known straight away. I was 'kind of' overruled on that one 4 against 1. So, kind of a bit weepy at this end - like the big girls blouse that I am.

No easy answer to that one @Yoghurt on a Stick.... all you can do is be what it already sounds like you are, a caring son that is there for his Mum..

Im not sure sure that the D word needs either hiding from or fronting up.. She likely knows.

My Mum came down from Scotland to tour around the family because she realised what was happening and she wanted to see everyone on her terms... It was an emotional time, that makes me emotional now.. (decades later)

We are all Big Girls Blouses at heart..

Take care. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

1 hour ago, BlueDaze said:

No easy answer to that one @Yoghurt on a Stick.... all you can do is be what it already sounds like you are, a caring son that is there for his Mum..

Im not sure sure that the D word needs either hiding from or fronting up.. She likely knows.

My Mum came down from Scotland to tour around the family because she realised what was happening and she wanted to see everyone on her terms... It was an emotional time, that makes me emotional now.. (decades later)

We are all Big Girls Blouses at heart..

Take care. 

@BlueDaze - Thank you for those kind words, they mean a lot. Fair play to your mom and her terms. That's kind of why I wanted my mom to be told sooner. However, she's not thick and was a Health Visitor by profession. So it's highly likely she'd worked it out ages ago. Still, after thinking about it further, I'm happy that its now been broached. It was a big elephant in the room as far as I was concerned. I'm due back to care for her on Monday evening. That'll be a challenge, but I'm not going to hide away from it. I'll embrace it instead. 

Unfortunately I'd have to disagree that everyone is a big girls blouse. It's just the nice one's, I've found. 

Anyway, drink and an insane smoke beckon.

Have a lovely weekend.

 

[gigpusher]

6 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

I've just spent the last few days away from my home looking after my mom. I got back about 30 minutes ago and have discovered that owing to a Memory Clinic appointment just coming through, that my eldest brother has had to mention the 'D' word (Dementia) to my mom, only about 10 minutes after I had left her in his care. I understand that he had to do what he did, but would have preferred it if 'we' (all her 5 sons) had been present at the time. Nothing I can do now though. The 'D' word hasn't been spoken of before to her. I had wanted it to happen as I think she should have known straight away. I was 'kind of' overruled on that one 4 against 1. So, kind of a bit weepy at this end - like the big girls blouse that I am.

As @BlueDazesaid I'm sure she already knew in fact I'd bet she has been hiding it from all of you for longer than you can imagine. It will probably be a relief in the long run to have it out there although from friends experience of this it may be a conversation that is lost as well. It's a really tough disease but if it's any consolation to you it will be tougher on you most of the time than on her. 

[Zoo Music Girl]

21 minutes ago, gigpusher said:

As @BlueDazesaid I'm sure she already knew in fact I'd bet she has been hiding it from all of you for longer than you can imagine. It will probably be a relief in the long run to have it out there although from friends experience of this it may be a conversation that is lost as well. It's a really tough disease but if it's any consolation to you it will be tougher on you most of the time than on her. 

I have no experience in this area really but the above sounds sensible to me. Sorry to hear it though @Yoghurt on a Stick. 

[efcfanwirral]

6 hours ago, Hutchmaster said:

God damnit @Bisque if you're going to show off a bloody massive spider warn us first, I nearly threw my phone across the room 😅

Wow me too! Heart rate going fast now 😂

Edited September 3, 2021 by efcfanwirral

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

6 hours ago, gigpusher said:

As @BlueDazesaid I'm sure she already knew in fact I'd bet she has been hiding it from all of you for longer than you can imagine. It will probably be a relief in the long run to have it out there although from friends experience of this it may be a conversation that is lost as well. It's a really tough disease but if it's any consolation to you it will be tougher on you most of the time than on her. 

Hello gigpusher,

First and foremost, thank you for those well considered words. I say 'thank you' because although I already knew the content (deep within), I did need the clarity that your post provided. Well, I'm from Birmingham. What can I say? You only need to tell us lot a few times and we get it - just like magic! lol  Bosting it is!

Sorry gigpusher - I went off on a tangent there, for reasons which elude me right now.- even though it was only just back there that the origins of the tangent lie. Yes, the last bit is going to be 'The Toughie'. Brutal, I should imagine. However, I've not said it on here, but that's nothing compared to the kick in the bollocks that my dad has given to me from beyond the grave. To be fair, I did suspect and express that he had done such a thing to my brothers (I have 4 of them. 3 of whom are the trustees of my parents estate). they didn't reply. And then I happened to come into possession copies of most of the legal documents. I will get a fifth of the estate - an estate that myself and 3 of the other 4 brothers built with my parents (the 4th brother was too young to get involved). Anyway, my fucking w*nker of a father has legally made it so, so that my wife gets fuck all if I die before her. the bloke treated me like a c**t all my life, but this particular boot in the bollocks smarts a little.

The question is - Do I completely and utterly destroy his (my dad) plans - which I am completely able to do, and with ease. However, there will / would be casualties - collateral damage to the extent of terminal friendly fire.

Or would carrying out such an action be as bad as my dad's actions?

And then I think 'he'd literally have killed the person if that person had done that to my mom. 

Oh dear, it's all a to do!

 

 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Oh, I meant to also say - sorry that I didn't respond earlier. I had written part a response, then had a smoke, and then the words 'went'.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

6 hours ago, Zoo Music Girl said:

I have no experience in this area really but the above sounds sensible to me. Sorry to hear it though @Yoghurt on a Stick. 

Cheers Zoo music Girl. I'm juggling a whole load of shit at the moment. The above is only part of it all. 

You've gotta fucking laugh though, because in one way, it's just too funny!

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

OH, FFS, he's back again, i can hear you all say!

Anyway, I had to come back because something i wrote was bugging me. Essentially i hadn't worded it correctly. When I said my dad would have literally killed them, I actually just meant that that was the most likely outcome. 

 

[glasto-worker]

15 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

I've just spent the last few days away from my home looking after my mom. I got back about 30 minutes ago and have discovered that owing to a Memory Clinic appointment just coming through, that my eldest brother has had to mention the 'D' word (Dementia) to my mom, only about 10 minutes after I had left her in his care. I understand that he had to do what he did, but would have preferred it if 'we' (all her 5 sons) had been present at the time. Nothing I can do now though. The 'D' word hasn't been spoken of before to her. I had wanted it to happen as I think she should have known straight away. I was 'kind of' overruled on that one 4 against 1. So, kind of a bit weepy at this end - like the big girls blouse that I am.

sorry about that - its a situation out of your control.

I know you have been staying over with your Mother for most days of the week # every week # looking after her - A task that many would not do.

My Parents ended up with Dementia but they were under the care of a Hospital and by that stage I doubt they could understand much.

I know from your e-mails that your Mother has some ' Good Days ' and really its best to focus on those days.

Just keep on doing what your doing. 

[gigpusher]

10 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

Hello gigpusher,

First and foremost, thank you for those well considered words. I say 'thank you' because although I already knew the content (deep within), I did need the clarity that your post provided. Well, I'm from Birmingham. What can I say? You only need to tell us lot a few times and we get it - just like magic! lol  Bosting it is!

Sorry gigpusher - I went off on a tangent there, for reasons which elude me right now.- even though it was only just back there that the origins of the tangent lie. Yes, the last bit is going to be 'The Toughie'. Brutal, I should imagine. However, I've not said it on here, but that's nothing compared to the kick in the bollocks that my dad has given to me from beyond the grave. To be fair, I did suspect and express that he had done such a thing to my brothers (I have 4 of them. 3 of whom are the trustees of my parents estate). they didn't reply. And then I happened to come into possession copies of most of the legal documents. I will get a fifth of the estate - an estate that myself and 3 of the other 4 brothers built with my parents (the 4th brother was too young to get involved). Anyway, my fucking w*nker of a father has legally made it so, so that my wife gets fuck all if I die before her. the bloke treated me like a c**t all my life, but this particular boot in the bollocks smarts a little.

The question is - Do I completely and utterly destroy his (my dad) plans - which I am completely able to do, and with ease. However, there will / would be casualties - collateral damage to the extent of terminal friendly fire.

Or would carrying out such an action be as bad as my dad's actions?

And then I think 'he'd literally have killed the person if that person had done that to my mom. 

Oh dear, it's all a to do!

 

 

I have some experience of the contentious nature of wills. My mother sued us over my Dad's will and 12 years later when it got to court the judge laughed her out of court and told her to accept what we had all offered her the day we found out about the will. The only winners tend to be solicitors. From what you have said before your father was a not very nice person and unfortunately that type of person tends to try and control things from even beyond the grave. 

I am personally of the opinion that these things should be talked about when people are alive so they don't cause shocks and arguments when people are not but then a lot of people don't like to talk about these things. I'd say if you have any plans that would impact on your siblings tell them, explain why and hopefully they would actually want to help you. These things can end up having a detrimental effect on familial relationships and in my opinion it's just not worth it. 

We could end up in a similar contentious situation in the future as with my Dad's will he left everything to his children. Obviously my brother died this year so the question is should my niece now get his share. My niece lives with her mother and has had no contact with any of us for many years. Her mother wouldn't even let her say goodbye to my brother which frankly I thought was inhuman to both my brother and my niece who was only 14 years old at the time. Personally I would have no issue with my niece getting the money if everyone was in agreement and to be honest I'd give up my money if it kept family peace but when you have a group of people who have to make a decision these things can turn nasty. Money matters tend to bring out he worst in people. 

[Zoo Music Girl]

20 hours ago, gigpusher said:

I have some experience of the contentious nature of wills. My mother sued us over my Dad's will and 12 years later when it got to court the judge laughed her out of court and told her to accept what we had all offered her the day we found out about the will. The only winners tend to be solicitors. From what you have said before your father was a not very nice person and unfortunately that type of person tends to try and control things from even beyond the grave. 

I am personally of the opinion that these things should be talked about when people are alive so they don't cause shocks and arguments when people are not but then a lot of people don't like to talk about these things. I'd say if you have any plans that would impact on your siblings tell them, explain why and hopefully they would actually want to help you. These things can end up having a detrimental effect on familial relationships and in my opinion it's just not worth it. 

We could end up in a similar contentious situation in the future as with my Dad's will he left everything to his children. Obviously my brother died this year so the question is should my niece now get his share. My niece lives with her mother and has had no contact with any of us for many years. Her mother wouldn't even let her say goodbye to my brother which frankly I thought was inhuman to both my brother and my niece who was only 14 years old at the time. Personally I would have no issue with my niece getting the money if everyone was in agreement and to be honest I'd give up my money if it kept family peace but when you have a group of people who have to make a decision these things can turn nasty. Money matters tend to bring out he worst in people. 

Ugh this is really grim. Family stuff can be so awful. My mum had seven siblings and one of them she hasn't talked to for years; that was partly to do with money and partly to do with the care of my elderly nan I think. No one has told her my mum is dead even though she lives nearby. Not my decision but it feels fucking weird to me.

[gigpusher]

1 minute ago, Zoo Music Girl said:

Ugh this is really grim. Family stuff can be so awful. My mum had seven siblings and one of them she hasn't talked to for years; that was partly to do with money and partly to do with the care of my elderly nan I think. No one has told her my mum is dead even though she lives nearby. Not my decision but it feels fucking weird to me.

Yep families can be very complicated things and money tends to bring out the worst in people. I remember my mother saying that if my father had left everything to a cat's home that I would be doing the same as her. I said I'd be surprised because he preferred dogs but if they were his wishes I wouldn't challenge them. I would only ever challenge a will if I thought someone had been forced into doing something against their will and I had some evidence to back that up. My mother tried to do that with my grandmother and a solicitor refused to change her will because he didn't feel convinced it was her real wish to change her will. 

I don't have kids and think I will leave everything to charity rather than any family. When my husband's Grandad died there was a spat over the will because the one Aunt who lived near him felt she should get more than everyone else because she looked after him. She literally gave people a bill for looking after her own father. He was a difficult man I believe but I'm firmly of the opinion you either care for someone because you love them or leave them to their own devices but to expect payment for looking after a parent (and it was minimal care!) was fucking grim to me. 

Sorry to hear that there is any family drama going on at an already difficult time. If they live nearby I suspect she will already know. 

[Zoo Music Girl]

8 minutes ago, gigpusher said:

Yep families can be very complicated things and money tends to bring out the worst in people. I remember my mother saying that if my father had left everything to a cat's home that I would be doing the same as her. I said I'd be surprised because he preferred dogs but if they were his wishes I wouldn't challenge them. I would only ever challenge a will if I thought someone had been forced into doing something against their will and I had some evidence to back that up. My mother tried to do that with my grandmother and a solicitor refused to change her will because he didn't feel convinced it was her real wish to change her will. 

I don't have kids and think I will leave everything to charity rather than any family. When my husband's Grandad died there was a spat over the will because the one Aunt who lived near him felt she should get more than everyone else because she looked after him. She literally gave people a bill for looking after her own father. He was a difficult man I believe but I'm firmly of the opinion you either care for someone because you love them or leave them to their own devices but to expect payment for looking after a parent (and it was minimal care!) was fucking grim to me. 

Sorry to hear that there is any family drama going on at an already difficult time. If they live nearby I suspect she will already know. 

Yeah this shit does bring out the worst in people sadly. There has been some will drama in my family too. I agree with you that you should respect the wishes of the person who wrote it of course, but some people just don't seem to get that.

To be honest the thing with my aunt is the least of my family drama. I doubt she does know unless one of my other aunts has told her, but I'll just let them all get on with it. I'm working on my own issues with my own sister at the moment which is taking up a good deal of my grieving energy. Fun times!

[Zoo Music Girl]

On the plus side I have finally contacted a therapist so hope to get that ball rolling soon. I know it can take a while to find a decent one so not expecting miracles but it feels good to be taking a bit of charge over my mental health for once. To be fair, exercise has been my main way of coping for a long time but I don't feel it's quite enough to stay on top of things right now.

I can already tell I am going to be a textbook "all my issues come from my family" case! 😀 

[gigpusher]

1 hour ago, Zoo Music Girl said:

On the plus side I have finally contacted a therapist so hope to get that ball rolling soon. I know it can take a while to find a decent one so not expecting miracles but it feels good to be taking a bit of charge over my mental health for once. To be fair, exercise has been my main way of coping for a long time but I don't feel it's quite enough to stay on top of things right now.

I can already tell I am going to be a textbook "all my issues come from my family" case! 😀 

I think everyone is a textbook case. The 'honesty' that family members have with each other is code for the ability to give every person the insecurities and vulnerabilities that they take with them into adulthood. Even in the nicest of families there is always something. 

Hope it goes well and hope the sister issues resolve themselves peacefully. 

[Zoo Music Girl]

1 minute ago, gigpusher said:

I think everyone is a textbook case. The 'honesty' that family members have with each other is code for the ability to give every person the insecurities and vulnerabilities that they take with them into adulthood. Even in the nicest of families there is always something. 

Hope it goes well and hope the sister issues resolve themselves peacefully. 

This is true. Thank you. It's a lot of me having to swallow my feelings and keep quiet for an easy life, as it always has been, which is why I feel I need another outlet!