How do you feel?

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

Fucking bastard arseholes fuck fuck! I simply never knew that there actually was that number of buckets of shite to be able to throw over me, on a total number, let alone it actually happen, basis. I am fucking sodden wet with shite. 

Now, some might find this fitting. However, despite their strong opinions and actual 'fact', I beg , like a squirmy thing, to differ. All I did a few weeks ago was to call God a bit of a c**t, over and over again. I think it's when I went for the third 'play' on the broken record technique and added 'non existent' before the word 'c**t'. That's red rag to a c**t that is, denying they ever exist. Anyway, the big bloody bastard seem to have taken umbrage, and gone and got a cob on. Fucking spanner! Oh, and yes, yes I do understand irony! 

The way I feel;

 

 

[kalifire]

Off to a small NYE event shortly. Theme is to dress as something 2020 robbed from you. I'm going dressed as I would be in the wee small hours of Wednesday morning when I make my way to the drop off point. Tried everything on earlier and it was just weeeeeird. I could instantly sense my Glasto self waking up, asking why it had been so long.

Sudden realisation I'm at the half way point. 18 months since the last one, 18 until the next (hopefully).

[Sasperella]

On 12/31/2020 at 7:07 AM, kalifire said:

Off to a small NYE event shortly. Theme is to dress as something 2020 robbed from you. I'm going dressed as I would be in the wee small hours of Wednesday morning when I make my way to the drop off point. Tried everything on earlier and it was just weeeeeird. I could instantly sense my Glasto self waking up, asking why it had been so long.

Sudden realisation I'm at the half way point. 18 months since the last one, 18 until the next (hopefully).

This is a pretty great idea for a fancy dress theme and outfit. Good work! Although hope you didn't carry all your luggage with you to the party 😛

I woke up feeling incredibly low. Now Christmas is over, the reality of my two best friends having left Glasgow is really hitting home. I've seen my neighbours in the garden a bit over Christmas (we're lucky enough to have a firepit) and two of them invited me over for Xmas day dinner which was super nice. But I guess I'm just missing those people who you can basically hang out with whenever you want. And the inevitable cycle of feeling eternally single is hitting in again. I'm also starting a new job on Tuesday, which should be exciting, but just feels quite scary and overwhelming....like I'm somehow doomed to failure. 

Trying to ignore all these feelings by doing more exercise, trying to eat vegan and being productive, but getting out of bed the last few days has been a struggle. 

[Crazyfool01]

1 hour ago, Sasperella said:

This is a pretty great idea for a fancy dress theme and outfit. Good work! Although hope you didn't carry all your luggage with you to the party 😛

I woke up feeling incredibly low. Now Christmas is over, the reality of my two best friends having left Glasgow is really hitting home. I've seen my neighbours in the garden a bit over Christmas (we're lucky enough to have a firepit) and two of them invited me over for Xmas day dinner which was super nice. But I guess I'm just missing those people who you can basically hang out with whenever you want. And the inevitable cycle of feeling eternally single is hitting in again. I'm also starting a new job on Tuesday, which should be exciting, but just feels quite scary and overwhelming....like I'm somehow doomed to failure. 

Trying to ignore all these feelings by doing more exercise, trying to eat vegan and being productive, but getting out of bed the last few days has been a struggle. 

Aw sorry to hear that sas ... being single has been tough over the past year for sure ... and for me even when I go on dating sites ... I really have little enthusiasm for chatting because of the endless restrictions and the risk factor of meeting up .... I guess a way of looking at it , is that singleness has been a contributing factor to me being able to stay safe so far .... and we have got to 10 months of this and in 2 more things will start to get better ... with an end point on the horizon ... then we can start to think of making plans again ... with the days also getting longer now .... stick with it chat  to anyone if you need it ... and definately keep that excercise going ... all the best ... plenty on here available to listen and if you need to vent here is a great sounding board ... 

[Sasperella]

5 hours ago, crazyfool1 said:

Aw sorry to hear that sas ... being single has been tough over the past year for sure ... and for me even when I go on dating sites ... I really have little enthusiasm for chatting because of the endless restrictions and the risk factor of meeting up .... I guess a way of looking at it , is that singleness has been a contributing factor to me being able to stay safe so far .... and we have got to 10 months of this and in 2 more things will start to get better ... with an end point on the horizon ... then we can start to think of making plans again ... with the days also getting longer now .... stick with it chat  to anyone if you need it ... and definately keep that excercise going ... all the best ... plenty on here available to listen and if you need to vent here is a great sounding board ... 

Aye that's true, we've made it this far I guess 🙂 I don't really see any point in bothering with the dating apps until you can at least go for a pint with someone! I went on a couple of coffee dates and learnt pretty quickly that they are soooo not my thing...ha!

[Supernintendo Chalmers]

6 hours ago, Sasperella said:

This is a pretty great idea for a fancy dress theme and outfit. Good work! Although hope you didn't carry all your luggage with you to the party 😛

I woke up feeling incredibly low. Now Christmas is over, the reality of my two best friends having left Glasgow is really hitting home. I've seen my neighbours in the garden a bit over Christmas (we're lucky enough to have a firepit) and two of them invited me over for Xmas day dinner which was super nice. But I guess I'm just missing those people who you can basically hang out with whenever you want. And the inevitable cycle of feeling eternally single is hitting in again. I'm also starting a new job on Tuesday, which should be exciting, but just feels quite scary and overwhelming....like I'm somehow doomed to failure. 

Trying to ignore all these feelings by doing more exercise, trying to eat vegan and being productive, but getting out of bed the last few days has been a struggle. 

Keep your chin up Sas, you're not alone. I've found avoiding the constant cycle of news and contradictory reports helps a lot. Keep informed...but from a distance. 

Since the initial lockdown I've turned my attention to self-education and creativity and the time has flown by a lot quicker. I started learning Spanish (via the Duolingo app and a local college course), put my phone down after 7pm, got back into reading books and greatly improved my DJing skills. 

Are there any skills you'd like to learn? Books you'd like to read? Old interests you've neglected? 

Btw, kudos on the veganism. It'll be the best thing you've done. 

Don't worry, the summer, and brighter days will be here. As @crazyfool1says, this forum is a safe place to vent, lots of good people on hand to listen. Be well and good luck with the new job! You're gonna do great.

[WestCountryGirl]

I've been feeling pretty flat since New Year's Eve really.

I was glad I got through Christmas okay and made the best of it. Just appreciated that it will likely be the only Christmas my boyfriend and I have just the two of us, and in that way it was lovely.

But I think once Christmas was over, and the prospect of going back to work looming closer, and the unknowing of how many more months it will be until I can see my family, and there being nothing to look forward to... all sort of settled on me, and I haven't yet been able to shift it. Just finding it hard to find reasons to smile really, everything seems a bit pointless again.

I'm sure (or I hope) I'll feel differently in a week or so, once I'm back into the swing of 'normal life' again. Until then I'll just hunker down and rewatch Friday Night Lights.

[Sasperella]

1 hour ago, Supernintendo Chalmers said:

Since the initial lockdown I've turned my attention to self-education and creativity and the time has flown by a lot quicker. I started learning Spanish (via the Duolingo app and a local college course), put my phone down after 7pm, got back into reading books and greatly improved my DJing skills. 

Hello 🙂 You know, this actually sounds like a great idea. I've turned into something of a whatsapp addict over lockdown, like I need the constant connection to not feel alone.... but it's actually massively time consuming. Everything ends up taking ages (flicking between whatsapp and the guardian), and I feel like once I've exercised and eaten, it's basically time for bed. I think part of the problem is just feeling like I'm not making good use of the time. So maybe I could try this! I do want to pick up Spanish again, and I've got a couple of books that I've been meaning to read since the summer. Plus I really do want to try and write at least one paper from my thesis. I will let you know how it goes!

 

And @WestCountryGirl - I'm glad you managed to have a good Christmas in the end! I suppose January can always feel a bit bleak, and this year it's just more so. I hope everything seems a bit better next week (for both of us) x

[WestCountryGirl]

1 hour ago, Sasperella said:

Hello 🙂 You know, this actually sounds like a great idea. I've turned into something of a whatsapp addict over lockdown, like I need the constant connection to not feel alone.... but it's actually massively time consuming. Everything ends up taking ages (flicking between whatsapp and the guardian), and I feel like once I've exercised and eaten, it's basically time for bed. I think part of the problem is just feeling like I'm not making good use of the time. So maybe I could try this! I do want to pick up Spanish again, and I've got a couple of books that I've been meaning to read since the summer. Plus I really do want to try and write at least one paper from my thesis. I will let you know how it goes!

 

And @WestCountryGirl - I'm glad you managed to have a good Christmas in the end! I suppose January can always feel a bit bleak, and this year it's just more so. I hope everything seems a bit better next week (for both of us) x

Thanks 🙂 I hope so too! 
Getting less screen time is always a good call. That was a goal of mine for last year and I had been doing quite well, but it's crept up again recently - I think like yourself, it's been the keeping in touch with people, particularly over Christmas. I have an app on my phone that I found quite useful, which keeps a timer on my screen at all time, and you can set limits on how much/little time you want to spend. I turned the setting "off" for apps I deemed useful of necessary (whatsapp, duolingo) but the timer is there for all web browsing, instagram... The problem though is physically having the phone in your hand for the useful apps! Makes it too easy to end up in an endless cycle - I have the exact same one as you!

Moving my phone charging cable to the other side of the livingroom, away from the sofa, probably made the biggest difference 😅

[lemons]

Started taking down Xmas cards today and for the first time saw a card from relatives with a name missing . (Non covid but sudden) Burst into tears . You know these little things will happen and it will get easier but Christ still they hit hard. Hard to get head round mass grief so many families are going through.

[Wellyboot]

@Sasperella @WestCountryGirl @lemons

Sending love to you all. I know it's so easy to say it but you'll be ok, and it will get easier. 

I think everything is just really difficult atm, things that wouldn't normally bother you really bother you now and things that would usually be hard are really fucking hard right now. 

And then after Christmas there's always that feeling of deflation, except instead of thinking 'oh it's this next, yay!' This year it's more like 'Well now what??' 

But it's gonna get better, it has to right?? Lots of love, and as always if you ever need to chat please do (not that I'd be much help, but I'm always here) big love xxx

[WestCountryGirl]

8 minutes ago, Wellyboot said:

@Sasperella @WestCountryGirl @lemons

Sending love to you all. I know it's so easy to say it but you'll be ok, and it will get easier. 

I think everything is just really difficult atm, things that wouldn't normally bother you really bother you now and things that would usually be hard are really fucking hard right now. 

And then after Christmas there's always that feeling of deflation, except instead of thinking 'oh it's this next, yay!' This year it's more like 'Well now what??' 

But it's gonna get better, it has to right?? Lots of love, and as always if you ever need to chat please do (not that I'd be much help, but I'm always here) big love xxx

Thanks, Welly 💖 It's exactly that as you say, the "now what"?!
Got to just look forward to the little things I guess, and be grateful for the connections we're lucky to have. I'll see you at the next virtual meet - whenever that is!

[Wellyboot]

9 minutes ago, WestCountryGirl said:

Thanks, Welly 💖 It's exactly that as you say, the "now what"?!
Got to just look forward to the little things I guess, and be grateful for the connections we're lucky to have. I'll see you at the next virtual meet - whenever that is!

❤ lots of love to you! See you at the next one, I'm sure it won't be too long they're usually regular! Take care of yourself lovely xx

[Homer]

23 hours ago, Sasperella said:

Hello 🙂 You know, this actually sounds like a great idea. I've turned into something of a whatsapp addict over lockdown, like I need the constant connection to not feel alone.... but it's actually massively time consuming. Everything ends up taking ages (flicking between whatsapp and the guardian), and I feel like once I've exercised and eaten, it's basically time for bed. I think part of the problem is just feeling like I'm not making good use of the time. So maybe I could try this! I do want to pick up Spanish again, and I've got a couple of books that I've been meaning to read since the summer. Plus I really do want to try and write at least one paper from my thesis. I will let you know how it goes!

 

And @WestCountryGirl - I'm glad you managed to have a good Christmas in the end! I suppose January can always feel a bit bleak, and this year it's just more so. I hope everything seems a bit better next week (for both of us) x

If you're trying to learn a language, I've been told that Duolingo is a great app (might not help with the screentime though!). I got as far as downloading it then never using it.

Edited January 4, 2021 by Homer

[Homer]

I've been doing pretty well but today does feel like a bit of a low. TBF, I always think the first day back at work is the worst day of the year anyway; and am hopeful it's more that's more to do with the fact I drank the last two nights than anything bigger.

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

13 hours ago, lemons said:

Started taking down Xmas cards today and for the first time saw a card from relatives with a name missing . (Non covid but sudden) Burst into tears . You know these little things will happen and it will get easier but Christ still they hit hard. Hard to get head round mass grief so many families are going through.

I know where you are coming from. My dad died on 11th December, and I have had to do spells of looking after my mom since (as she has the onset of dementia). When the post arrived there were still Xmas cards written out to my mom and dad. I didn't feel so much for me as for my mom. They were childhood sweethearts and loved each other up until the very end. It's probably a good thing that my mom's 'lost it'. There was one night when I met her on the landing and she thought I was my dad. That was brutal to witness.

[Wellyboot]

back in work today 😞 

[I am Jon]

Gurrr, going back to working from home sucks.

Haven't seen a work colleague in 5 months, probably 6 weeks since the last phone call with any of them. Was struggling to give a sh*t about work before all of this, after dealing with 2 long years of partner been in and out of hospital. Only thing that kept me going was having events / gigs to look forward to, got a load of postponed gig tickets but not optimistic about anything happening soon.

Edited January 6, 2021 by I am Jon

[MrZigster]

On 12/24/2020 at 8:45 PM, MrZigster said:

So. I've finally found some time to post in here.

Christmas was pretty much already cancelled for me, owing to how the shift rota fell this year. I get home from this shift at about 2:00am Christmas Day and I'm back on at 21:00pm same night. Will be sleeping most of the day.

I came home from work about a month ago to find my mother lying on the floor. She'd fallen and fractured her hip. Cue a stay in hospital where she's subsequently contracted Covid. She's now in a rehab hospital (for the hip) about 30 miles away from home and still awaiting a negative test.

Prior to this she hadn't been getting out of bed much since April, saying that it was "too hard" and that she "didn't want to carry on anymore". Took me months to actually get her GPs to get the local Mental Health and Care & Enablement teams involved. Said teams were of the opinion that she was perfectly capable of getting herself up, washed, dressed and fed but was just choosing not to. She/we had a couple of weeks "respite" which she spent in a care home, but she just came back and continued staying in bed. The Mental Health team were quoting various mental health acts at her a couple of days before she "fell", but now she's elsewhere, it's like they're not bothered and that it's now somebody else's problem.

She doesn't want to go into a home. I don't want her to go into a home. I think she needs proper mental health help. But the facts are such that this is probably what will be decided for us (she's not really playing ball when it comes to rehabing). Probably going to have to sell the house (which is in her name) to pay for all of this, despite the fact that it is also my home and has been for pretty much forever.

Plus the traffic chaos in my town means that I've been struggling to get to and from work the last couple of weeks. Never know if I'm going to be able reach home or not. Can't get near the house atm. Closest I could get this morning was about a mile away (and even then I was lucky to get a parking spot).

Said chaos also means that getting to where my mother is is also a risky journey. I know visits are banned but she still needs stuff dropping off now and then.

Said chaos also means the local supermarkets are running out of stuff as the delivery lorries can't get through. Lots of colleagues (and I'm sure the whole town) have had their Christmas dinner orders cancelled for this reason. Glad I did a big shop on Monday, but I'm going to run out of stuff by about Boxing Day/27th and then I'm back at work doing unsociable hours for three days again.

Simply.

Having.

A Fucking Shite Christmas Time.

But not as shite as for everyone stuck in a vehicle, stuck in the queue for Calais over Christmas I guess.

First world problems I know.

So, a quick update. They want to send my mum home. With a commode. Because stairs are a concern. We have both told them that this is not suitable, that there is nowhere to really accommodate this, but they are proceeding ahead anyway. It's like we have no say in the matter and our concerns are just disregarded. This team have not/are not communicating with the teams that were dealing with her previously. So we're back at stage one again. No worse actually.

She's arguably in a worse state now than she was when she went in. She genuinely cannot walk far, wash, dress and subsequently therefore toilet without assistance now, whereas previously, as stated above, she was quite capable of doing all of this on her own but was just choosing not to.

We will get (I think) six weeks of carers coming in twice a day, and then we are on our own I think.

As stated in another thread, I've been joking that it's like a 95% inheritance tax before anybody has actually died.

[glasto-worker]

16 hours ago, MrZigster said:

So, a quick update. They want to send my mum home. With a commode. Because stairs are a concern. We have both told them that this is not suitable, that there is nowhere to really accommodate this, but they are proceeding ahead anyway. It's like we have no say in the matter and our concerns are just disregarded. This team have not/are not communicating with the teams that were dealing with her previously. So we're back at stage one again. No worse actually.

She's arguably in a worse state now than she was when she went in. She genuinely cannot walk far, wash, dress and subsequently therefore toilet without assistance now, whereas previously, as stated above, she was quite capable of doing all of this on her own but was just choosing not to.

We will get (I think) six weeks of carers coming in twice a day, and then we are on our own I think.

As stated in another thread, I've been joking that it's like a 95% inheritance tax before anybody has actually died.

sorry to read that { and your previous post } - sorry for your Mother and you - I hope it all works out - Have Faith .

[MrZigster]

13 hours ago, glasto-worker said:

sorry to read that { and your previous post } - sorry for your Mother and you - I hope it all works out - Have Faith .

Thanks. Appreciate your support.

Apparently we will be getting "up to four" visits a day for six weeks, which is a bit better I suppose.

They're kicking her out on Monday. There is no reasoning with them. It's hard to have faith when you feel like you are being fobbed off, but I will try.

[Wellyboot]

9 hours ago, MrZigster said:

Thanks. Appreciate your support.

Apparently we will be getting "up to four" visits a day for six weeks, which is a bit better I suppose.

They're kicking her out on Monday. There is no reasoning with them. It's hard to have faith when you feel like you are being fobbed off, but I will try.

I'm so sorry to hear about mum, it must be so hard for you and especially when you feel like you cant get through to them and they aren't listening to you. That's frustrating and can drag you down. But i really hope things get a bit easier / better for you both soon 

I really hope you're ok, I know its easier said than done, but try and keep positive. Love to you and your mum 

[Kalopsia]

Just a gentle reminder that it's ok not to feel ok, we need to look after ourselves now more than ever. 

[Crazyfool01]

Anxiety starting to get worse the last few days ... I’m hoping a negative test result might help , I’ve had a tight cheast since early on ... might ask to see dr once isolation period ends ... 

[fraybentos1]

12 minutes ago, crazyfool1 said:

Anxiety starting to get worse the last few days ... I’m hoping a negative test result might help , I’ve had a tight cheast since early on ... might ask to see dr once isolation period ends ... 

Sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better in the coming days/weeks. Some positives for you is that we have a way out of this now and hopefully you personally will be vaccinated in the near future!