How do you feel?

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

1 hour ago, MrZigster said:

Guessed wrong. I am so in a Union.Tuesdays phone call manager (my direct LM) said the same thing as you. They were just following instructions but thought it sounded a bit off. Advised me to talk to the Union.

Wasn't there a test case relatively recently? A person was on leave, then got sick, and it was ruled that it was sick leave, not "leave" leave, and they got their leave days back? Or something like that?

Sounds ridiculous to me. I like to think that I'm not greedy or unreasonable. An old job of mine, well, you basically earned a certain amount of leave for every hour you were at work. If I've had three months off sat on my arse, it's a bit unreasonable of me to then state, "but, thirty days annual leave a year", surely?

There was a year when I all of a sudden had to have half of my colon removed. As it happened I had already booked my days off as annual leave for Glastonbury, during that period of official off work convalescence post operation. I argued and won that those days I had booked off as leave should no longer be considered as leave, but be allocated against the doctors written notice, time wise, of when not to go back to work.

I get what you are saying ie. that you wouldn't dream of thinking or reacting that way to an employer. In that we differ. The thing is the people heading the organisation that I worked for were milking the system to an even greater extent than I, yet they deigned to pull the ladder up after them as they rose up the ranks. It is my viewpoint that should you ever cross swords with these people, then annihilate with the extreme and utter prejudice that they would have done to you., had you given them the opportunity. 

[MrZigster]

3 minutes ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

There was a year when I all of a sudden had to have half of my colon removed...

Sorry if I triggered you there. That sounds awful. Again. Apologies..

I may have taken the piss with sick notes once or twice. Hey. I had a genuine sick note. And the Dr. told me I needed a holiday...

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

3 hours ago, MrZigster said:

Sorry if I triggered you there. That sounds awful. Again. Apologies..

I may have taken the piss with sick notes once or twice. Hey. I had a genuine sick note. And the Dr. told me I needed a holiday...

No need for any apologies MrZigster. If I'm honest, I can't actual;ly see where I could take umbrage. 

I guess what I'm shouting out (to all) is that if higher management decide to be complete w*nkers with you, while it is they themselves that are the monumental scheming bell ends, then fight with every tooth and nail that is within your artillery. Not only that, but learn their weaknesses - know where they have to comply with their own P & P's, read up on the relevant laws, always take notes dates, and any details of data as you go along, so that you have a contemporaneous record. It actually goes further than that - well, with me anyway. It was once demanded of me (and everybody within my department) that I attend a meeting with two members of much higher management about a 'group re-structure' of the department that I worked in. Little beknown to them I attended that meeting with a covert spy camera that not only recorded visually, but also that of sound too. After the meeting had ended they told me that they would send notes of the meeting taken by them for me to see. They must have noted that I took no notes during the meeting. Anyway, when I was sent their notes of the meeting, it wasn't exactly a surprise to read that they varied directly from the words spoken by myself and the two representatives within that meeting. I then responded to them pointing out that they had corporately lied within the minites of their meeting. I then, rather like a surgeon would, carefully dissected and destroyed the argument that they had been trying to put over. 

So, all I'm trying to say really is, if it is their intention to stick the boot in to you, then you should immediately drop all respect for them, and stick the boot in to them - only stick it in harder and stick it in right where it hurts the most. Fuck 'em.

[Simsy]

Was getting Glasto wed/thurs vibes at the beach this morning. Stopped for a takeaway coffee, sat in the sun, cafe was playing cheesy pop. Not quite the same as sitting in West Holts with a coffee cocktail, but it's the closest I'm going to get for a while.

[kalifire]

A bit of a tough night for me tonight - the last one in the place I share with my live-in ex. In some ways it feels like I should be looking forward to tomorrow and feeling positive about the benefits of having my own place. And although I've more or less managed to avoid thinking things like 'this is the last time we'll do x/y/z', and although the romance and intimacy hasn't been in place for a long time (we haven't shared a bed in forever), this chapter that's ending tonight is still attached to earlier times during which we were happy and excited to be with each other.

It being Melbourne, this evening is over. It's closing in on 1am now, and tomorrow the removalists will come and take the heavy furniture to my new place, which is on the next road over. Once that happens, I will no longer be living here. She'll come over with the cat I'm keeping and her goodbye to the cat is one of the things I've most been dreading. I'm encouraging her to copy me and ignore saying any goodbyes - she'll still be in this place for another 6 days, so she'll come over and visit so the cat gets some overlap, and the transition is easier for all concerned. We're also going to dinner together on Sunday, so I have things to look forward to.

I'm hanging in there emotionally. I've had no big cry, plenty of little wobbles, and have been walking and sending audio messages to people who care about my a LOT. That's helped immeasurably as I've been able to get thoughts out; verbalise them and process some stuff. I suppose the definitive move tomorrow will be the worst it will get and time will gradually heal. I bloody hope so.

Edited June 10, 2020 by kalifire

[Crazyfool01]

19 minutes ago, kalifire said:

A bit of a tough night for me tonight - the last one in the place I share with my live-in ex. In some ways it feels like I should be looking forward to tomorrow and feeling positive about the benefits of having my own place. And although I've more or less managed to avoid thinking things like 'this is the last time we'll do x/y/z', and although the romance and intimacy hasn't been in place for a long time (we haven't shared a bed in forever), this chapter that's ending tonight is still attached to earlier times during which we were happy and excited to be with each other.

It being Melbourne, this evening is over. It's closing in on 1am now, and tomorrow the removalists will come and take the heavy furniture to my new place, which is on the next road over. Once that happens, I will no longer be living here. She'll come over with the cat I'm keeping and her goodbye to the cat is one of the things I've most been dreading. I'm encouraging her to copy me and ignore saying any goodbyes - she'll still be in this place for another 6 days, so she'll come over and visit so the cat gets some overlap, and the transition is easier for all concerned. We're also going to dinner together on Sunday, so I have things to look forward to.

I'm hanging in there emotionally. I've had no big cry, plenty of little wobbles, and have been walking and sending audio messages to people who care about my a LOT. That's helped immeasurably as I've been able to get thoughts out; verbalise them and process some stuff. I suppose the definitive move tomorrow will be the worst it will get and time will gradually heal. I bloody hope so.

all the best for the move tomorrow ... and that future will be brighter it just might take a few bumps to get over along the way 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

5 hours ago, kalifire said:

A bit of a tough night for me tonight - the last one in the place I share with my live-in ex. In some ways it feels like I should be looking forward to tomorrow and feeling positive about the benefits of having my own place. And although I've more or less managed to avoid thinking things like 'this is the last time we'll do x/y/z', and although the romance and intimacy hasn't been in place for a long time (we haven't shared a bed in forever), this chapter that's ending tonight is still attached to earlier times during which we were happy and excited to be with each other.

It being Melbourne, this evening is over. It's closing in on 1am now, and tomorrow the removalists will come and take the heavy furniture to my new place, which is on the next road over. Once that happens, I will no longer be living here. She'll come over with the cat I'm keeping and her goodbye to the cat is one of the things I've most been dreading. I'm encouraging her to copy me and ignore saying any goodbyes - she'll still be in this place for another 6 days, so she'll come over and visit so the cat gets some overlap, and the transition is easier for all concerned. We're also going to dinner together on Sunday, so I have things to look forward to.

I'm hanging in there emotionally. I've had no big cry, plenty of little wobbles, and have been walking and sending audio messages to people who care about my a LOT. That's helped immeasurably as I've been able to get thoughts out; verbalise them and process some stuff. I suppose the definitive move tomorrow will be the worst it will get and time will gradually heal. I bloody hope so.

Hello kalifire,

I suspect that it will be exactly as you predict, in that tomorrow will be a bit of an emotional wrench. It would be for anybody in your position. I guess you've just got to let that due process happen. I guess the only advice that I can think of at this stage is to recognise and acknowledge your earlier happy times together, but to also allow time to appreciate that this is the start of a new life. You don't necessarily have to completely shut out the notion that that this could an adventure and could even help mould you in a positive way.

I'll tell you a little bit about me, on the understanding that the fact behind the words might enlighten, and may even offer some assurance that you still have a potentially happy life to live ahead of you. I went out with my first girlfriend for a period of 5 years. I went out with my next girlfriend for 10 years. the next girlfriend after that I spent another 5 years with, in total. Now, I thought that I loved my first girlfriend, but deep down I knew that she wasn't the one. I thought i loved my second girlfriend but deep down I knew that she wasn't the one. I knew full well that i never loved my third girlfriend, so knew that she wasn't the one either. Then I spent 7 years single. One day something happened and I met my now wife. She is everything to me, and I know that I am to her. I don't want to make all you readers puke, but it would be very accurate to say that I have never experiences love like it. Now, I could have stayed in two of the three long term relationships for the rest of my life. I now know fully that to have done so would have had the net result of me squandering my life away (not that I don't actually do a good job of that in other aspects of my current life). It would have been a compromise. It would also have meant that in the one life that is given to us (as far as we know) I'd never have found my soul mate.

Maybe you've got to experience a little pain to get some clarity in life, and to appreciate life better than you did before.  

Try not to beat yourself up. It'll not solve anything. All you'll be doing is beating yourself up.  

As ever, I wish you all the best.

 

 

[Wellyboot]

16 hours ago, kalifire said:

A bit of a tough night for me tonight - the last one in the place I share with my live-in ex. In some ways it feels like I should be looking forward to tomorrow and feeling positive about the benefits of having my own place. And although I've more or less managed to avoid thinking things like 'this is the last time we'll do x/y/z', and although the romance and intimacy hasn't been in place for a long time (we haven't shared a bed in forever), this chapter that's ending tonight is still attached to earlier times during which we were happy and excited to be with each other.

It being Melbourne, this evening is over. It's closing in on 1am now, and tomorrow the removalists will come and take the heavy furniture to my new place, which is on the next road over. Once that happens, I will no longer be living here. She'll come over with the cat I'm keeping and her goodbye to the cat is one of the things I've most been dreading. I'm encouraging her to copy me and ignore saying any goodbyes - she'll still be in this place for another 6 days, so she'll come over and visit so the cat gets some overlap, and the transition is easier for all concerned. We're also going to dinner together on Sunday, so I have things to look forward to.

I'm hanging in there emotionally. I've had no big cry, plenty of little wobbles, and have been walking and sending audio messages to people who care about my a LOT. That's helped immeasurably as I've been able to get thoughts out; verbalise them and process some stuff. I suppose the definitive move tomorrow will be the worst it will get and time will gradually heal. I bloody hope so.

Good luck with the move today!

As difficult as its gonna be, hopefully it will all be worth it and turn out to be one of the best things for you

I don't have any advice or helpful words like Yog but I want you to know I've been thinking of you. I'm really glad you're taking your cat with you, I think that will be nice. I have a cat and he is my baby! They are great company and gives you someone else to look after.

I really hope the move goes well and I'm wishing you all the best! Lots of love to you! X

[Wellyboot]

I hope the move went well @Kalifire for you and your cat  

[MrZigster]

Wow, it's been almost a week since I checked in here.

For those who are still interested/asked for an update:

Short version : I'm still off 'till 8th July (at least (I think)).

Long version : I received a text from my direct LM Sunday night about 8pm, asking for my "username" so they can set me up to share their works laptop.on Monday. That they were going on days off and leave and we can share it.

They got a text back stating along the lines of, " Here's my username. . What's going on? One moment I'm all psyched up for returning to work. Then I'm told I'm off 'till 8th July. So I get mentally prepared for another month at home. And then the next day it's talk of meeting up with people to swap laptops. My head doesn't know which mode to be in. It's currently drunk".

We chat Monday and agreed that we had previously agreed 8th July. What had happened was, well, lets do it as an allegory.

It's like we're all adrift us stuck at home people, isolated on a really quiet lake in individual rowing boats. Somebody sends me a well meant hand wave. Which causes their boat to rock. Which causes unnecessary turbulence for everyone else on the lake.

Or shorter. Somebody'd stuck their (albeit well intentioned) oar in.

I'm a bit pissed off as all of this tooing and froing, after I thought I knew where I stood really did my nut in and has left me a bit psychologically drained and unmotivated all week.

Still, I feel I'm back now and have maybe a semblance of a plan for the next month.

[bamber]

On 6/6/2020 at 6:52 PM, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

 

 

 

Lorde and Villanelle , just saying.. (two double lls, like Welsh).

[Ozanne]

So first day of this ‘support bubble’. Me and my sister had spoken about it so I can see my nephews, hadn’t spoken since Wednesday though. Today comes round and she’s taken the boys to one of her friends to hang out in their back garden. Some support bubble hey. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

11 hours ago, bamber said:

Lorde and Villanelle , just saying.. (two double lls, like Welsh).

Hello bamber,

I'm not sure if you are saying the Lorde and Villanelle look the same or if you are secretly trying to tell me that you have insider information that Lorde is, in real life, a psychopathic assassin. Any clarification that you can provide on this the better. It could well determine whether I choose to go to a Lorde concert or not in the future! 

Hope that you are happy and well.

[Wellyboot]

3 hours ago, Ozanne said:

So first day of this ‘support bubble’. Me and my sister had spoken about it so I can see my nephews, hadn’t spoken since Wednesday though. Today comes round and she’s taken the boys to one of her friends to hang out in their back garden. Some support bubble hey. 

Oh im sorry  I know its probably not the same as seeing your nephews, but do you have someone to 'bubble' with? 

I hope you're ok x

[Ozanne]

11 minutes ago, Wellyboot said:

Oh im sorry  I know its probably not the same as seeing your nephews, but do you have someone to 'bubble' with? 

I hope you're ok x

Thanks, I’m ok. I do but it kinda makes me think there isn’t much point as I don’t know what the people I will bubble with will be doing. My sister is going to a friends today and seeing another friend tomorrow, I want to be more cautious than that. She has said she wouldn’t see other people but I don’t want to make that request.

[Wellyboot]

15 minutes ago, Ozanne said:

Thanks, I’m ok. I do but it kinda makes me think there isn’t much point as I don’t know what the people I will bubble with will be doing. My sister is going to a friends today and seeing another friend tomorrow, I want to be more cautious than that. She has said she wouldn’t see other people but I don’t want to make that request.

Its really difficult to work out what to do for the best. I fully understand you wanting to be more cautious, its such a hard situation to be in. I really hope you can work something out with your sister so you can see your nephews soon, I bet they can't wait to see you

[Ozanne]

1 hour ago, Wellyboot said:

Its really difficult to work out what to do for the best. I fully understand you wanting to be more cautious, its such a hard situation to be in. I really hope you can work something out with your sister so you can see your nephews soon, I bet they can't wait to see you

It’s just that it’s the first day of this support bubble and the people I was going to do it with went and saw someone else. Kind of makes me feel a bit worthless. I’ll get over it though, thanks for the kind words.

[Wellyboot]

44 minutes ago, Ozanne said:

It’s just that it’s the first day of this support bubble and the people I was going to do it with went and saw someone else. Kind of makes me feel a bit worthless. I’ll get over it though, thanks for the kind words.

I'm so sorry you feel like that and i understand why, but I can assure you, you are not worthless. Its really difficult right now and I'm sad that you're down but it will get better. Virtual hugs!! 

[Ozanne]

1 hour ago, Wellyboot said:

I'm so sorry you feel like that and i understand why, but I can assure you, you are not worthless. Its really difficult right now and I'm sad that you're down but it will get better. Virtual hugs!! 

Thanks! Virtual hugs right back!

[vintagelaureate]

20 minutes ago, Ozanne said:

Thanks! Virtual hugs right back!

Take care mate. I think the whole situation magnifies everything as well, which doesn't help anything. The whole thing is a rollercoaster of emotions, I imagine amplified as you've been relatively on your own. 

If you need to bend an ear, you're always welcome.

[funkychick2007]

2 hours ago, Ozanne said:

It’s just that it’s the first day of this support bubble and the people I was going to do it with went and saw someone else. Kind of makes me feel a bit worthless. I’ll get over it though, thanks for the kind words.

Thts crap! You are not worthless just people thinking about their own needs at the moment! I find the whole bubble thing very strange it’s making people choose not good for relationships!! Take cate of yourself we are all part of an efestivals bubble!! 

[Neil]

not doing a support bubble, but have just arranged to go and see my vulnerable 85 year old mum next week.

It seems like a good idea as it will have the lowest chance of me unknowingly infecting her for at-least several months, because a person in my house is about to start back at their public-facing work so might bring it home with them.

I'm very confident that the risk to my mum will be zero, yet it's still a huge worry.  

[Crazyfool01]

As above ... we are all putting ourselves under these kind of really tough emotional decisions at the moment ... as previously stated I visited my folks a few weeks back when I was at my absolute lowest risk to them .... I choose to see them after id been isolating ... it was the right choice for them and me , and I will see them at least once more before I return to work .... after that im not sure ..... try not to beat yourself up about things like this .... The bubble thing I think has made many things tougher and divisive ... if you decide to go by the rules im sure this will only last a few weeks before the bubbles start getting bigger as things start to open up ... stay safe and stay sensible ...

[kalifire]

On 6/12/2020 at 5:37 PM, Wellyboot said:

I hope the move went well @Kalifire for you and your cat  

Thanks, @Wellyboot. It was a stressful day, no doubt. Weirdly though, when the removalists turned up, I lost all sense of sadness. It was pure logistics at that point and even when my mind threw me some memories to feel sad about, as it has a tendency to do, I was fine. There was just so much to coordinate and supervise.

I'm doing OK. The sadness has turned from more or less constant because of the relentless triggers of living with the person you've just broken up with, to less regular but perhaps slightly more intense moments of fleeting pain as my mind encourages me to consider memories and happier times. I hope those become less frequent and less intense.

Right now I'm just trying to focus on the new place. Building it up, concentrating on the future, etc.

[Crazyfool01]

2 minutes ago, kalifire said:

Thanks, @Wellyboot. It was a stressful day, no doubt. Weirdly though, when the removalists turned up, I lost all sense of sadness. It was pure logistics at that point and even when my mind threw me some memories to feel sad about, as it has a tendency to do, I was fine. There was just so much to coordinate and supervise.

I'm doing OK. The sadness has turned from more or less constant because of the relentless triggers of living with the person you've just broken up with, to less regular but perhaps slightly more intense moments of fleeting pain as my mind encourages me to consider memories and happier times. I hope those become less frequent and less intense.

Right now I'm just trying to focus on the new place. Building it up, concentrating on the future, etc.

good to see you back ... I was getting concerned for a while there  .... im off for my bloods at drs now and hopefully an antibody test ... if they let me ....