The Efestivals social distancing / self isolating support thread

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

40 minutes ago, crazyfool1 said:

Pot head  

Have ran out of up votes. 

It's funny that you should say Pot Head, as it was one of my mates who sent me that. He smokes dope from morning, through noon and in to night. I simply don't know how he (and others like him) are able to do that. I know that I may indulge, but could never really be described as a Pot Head. A Dick Head, maybe, I'll grant you. 

 

[guypjfreak]

https://www.facebook.com/groups/595390093861120/permalink/2819129018153872/

[Ayrshire Chris]

A tale, the prophets grave, from the distant past that took me into the hills today

in the 17th century the town where I live in was but a village. A plague ravaged through it and the villagers turned to the local preacher for help and guidance, as ‘‘twas common practice in those days. Prayer didn’t work so he decided to lead those who did not have the affliction a few miles up a local Glen where they would live until the lord removed the pestilence. Sadly, after leading his flock to safety the Reverend William Smith was taken by the disease. His last wish was to be buried in the small wood close to their makeshift encampment and that two holly trees be planted either side of his grave. He warned with his last breath that if ever the branches of the two holly trees were to be entwined then the plague would return to the village. This became known as the prophets grave. Down the centuries since then  local churches have made sure the holly trees were pruned. In recent times the local council have done this.

This evening, with great trepidation I ventured up the Glen to the site of the internment as my daily exercise. I was intent on ensuring the Branches hadn’t become entwined. Not a sound was to be heard apart from the wind whistling through the trees and the comforting bleating of new born lambs.  The evening sun dipped behind the grey clouds and a wind whistled through the trees. Fear gripped me. I descended into the copse and with a quickening heart rate I looked at the moss covered grave slab. 

The council had pruned the holly trees.😁

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

26 minutes ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

A tale, the prophets grave, from the distant past that took me into the hills today

in the 17th century the town where I live in was but a village. A plague ravaged through it and the villagers turned to the local preacher for help and guidance, as ‘‘twas common practice in those days. Prayer didn’t work so he decided to lead those who did not have the affliction a few miles up a local Glen where they would live until the lord removed the pestilence. Sadly, after leading his flock to safety the Reverend William Smith was taken by the disease. His last wish was to be buried in the small wood close to their makeshift encampment and that two holly trees be planted either side of his grave. He warned with his last breath that if ever the branches of the two holly trees were to be entwined then the plague would return to the village. This became known as the prophets grave. Down the centuries since then  local churches have made sure the holly trees were pruned. In recent times the local council have done this.

This evening, with great trepidation I ventured up the Glen to the site of the internment as my daily exercise. I was intent on ensuring the Branches hadn’t become entwined. Not a sound was to be heard apart from the wind whistling through the trees and the comforting bleating of new born lambs.  The evening sun dipped behind the grey clouds and a wind whistled through the trees. Fear gripped me. I descended into the copse and with a quickening heart rate I looked at the moss covered grave slab. 

The council had pruned the holly trees.😁

Nice one Ayrshire Chris. I was led up the garden path a treat there. 

[Ayrshire Chris]

8 hours ago, Yoghurt on a Stick said:

Nice one Ayrshire Chris. I was led up the garden path a treat there. 

Not a word of a lie in the story, seems quite a few locals have went up to check the holly trees in recent days! 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

5 minutes ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

Not a word of a lie in the story, seems quite a few locals have went up to check the holly trees in recent days! 

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

[Homer]

My mate and I did indie club last night - recommended. We set up a collaborative Spotify playlist and then took it in turns to add songs while chatting on  WhatsApp. Went so well that I got told off by my wife at about midnight as I was dancing to Azealia Banks on full volume.

[Ayrshire Chris]

I have to say that I am desperately sorry for those who live in our cities and urban areas in flats and houses without decent access to green spaces for even limited exercise. It must be especially awful dealing with kids in such a situation. We are so lucky that an hours walk can take us up on  the hills or along an almost deserted promenade.  After her shift as a care assistant Mrs C uses her late afternoon walk to unwind  It’s humbling to see how folk are coping with this. Keep safe all. 

[Crazyfool01]

4 minutes ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

I have to say that I am desperately sorry for those who live in our cities and urban areas in flats and houses without decent access to green spaces for even limited exercise. It must be especially awful dealing with kids in such a situation. We are so lucky that an hours walk can take us up on  the hills or along an almost deserted promenade.  After her shift as a care assistant Mrs C uses her late afternoon walk to unwind  It’s humbling to see how folk are coping with this. Keep safe all. 

likewise AC although I have no real garden todays walk had me in the country in 30 mins .... a shame I had to about turn but I get about 8k in ... and people have space mostly to give good social distance ... in an hour I came across probably 20 groups of people and all impeccably observed the social distancing ... I also saw some mounted police presumably enforcing in my quiet road . although I think they would have struggled to find anyone breaking any measures ...

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

[Wellyboot]

 ah you really are cheering me right up with all these

Thank you!!  

[Quark]

In the last few weeks I've had two online poker sessions with a conf call dial in to chat bollocks, two pub quizzes on Skype to also chat bollocks, a virtual pub session on Skype purely for the purposes of chatting bollocks, and an impromptu house party catchup that involved a lot of talking bollocks. I have run out of beer, and made a serious dent in my rum, whisky and tequila collections.

Never mind isolation, I fear that this is going to give me gout.

EDIT: should have added that, thankfully, I'm showing no signs of running out of bollocks to talk.

Edited April 7, 2020 by Quark

[Ayrshire Chris]

Anyone tried cutting their own hair yet? Luckily mine is thinning so not a problem

[Crazyfool01]

5 minutes ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

Anyone tried cutting their own hair yet? Luckily mine is thinning so not a problem

No ... but when I do I will be sure to post before and after photos for comedy value ...  

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

51 minutes ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

Anyone tried cutting their own hair yet? Luckily mine is thinning so not a problem

I really need a haircut, as I've got hair like a mad woman's fanny at the moment! 

[Bisque]

5 hours ago, Ayrshire Chris said:

Anyone tried cutting their own hair yet? Luckily mine is thinning so not a problem

Sort of, just cutting out the grey hairs with nail scissors & inevitably cutting off more than I should.

[Zoo Music Girl]

My boyfriend cut my fringe at the weekend... It ain't great! But it was driving me insane getting in my eyes. I got him back by cutting his hair pretty terribly too. 

[priest17]

I don't know who else needs to see this video of encouragement, but I sure did 

 

[oneeye]

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. 
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

21 minutes ago, oneeye said:

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. 
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

Fab. Going to have to nick it. 

[oneeye]

[FuzzyDunlop]

We have  been told that the plan is to have our dept working from home by a week on Friday.

This is going to sound odd, but this whole situation hasnt been "real" so far. Ive still gone to work. It has been to a large extent, business as usual.

I live on my own & I am now facing the reality of potentially seeing no one at all for weeks.... I wont lie, I have been dreading this.

Has anyone got any tips? I will have stuff to do with work... but the lack of interaction is concerning me. 

[Yoghurt on a Stick]

16 minutes ago, FuzzyDunlop said:

We have  been told that the plan is to have our dept working from home by a week on Friday.

This is going to sound odd, but this whole situation hasnt been "real" so far. Ive still gone to work. It has been to a large extent, business as usual.

I live on my own & I am now facing the reality of potentially seeing no one at all for weeks.... I wont lie, I have been dreading this.

Has anyone got any tips? I will have stuff to do with work... but the lack of interaction is concerning me. 

Have you got friends that you could meet, say in a park, where you can stick to the 6 foot apart rule, and have a chat. Any family that could fulfil this role? Other than that, and to keep yourself occupied, have you any DIY jobs that you've been putting off. Have you any hobby desires that you have been meaning to get in to and keep putting off. Maybe start writing that novel you've always wanted to write?

[northernringo]

10 hours ago, FuzzyDunlop said:

We have  been told that the plan is to have our dept working from home by a week on Friday.

This is going to sound odd, but this whole situation hasnt been "real" so far. Ive still gone to work. It has been to a large extent, business as usual.

I live on my own & I am now facing the reality of potentially seeing no one at all for weeks.... I wont lie, I have been dreading this.

Has anyone got any tips? I will have stuff to do with work... but the lack of interaction is concerning me. 

Try and video call people as much as possible - whether it is family, friends, colleagues or a partner!

[priest17]

10 hours ago, FuzzyDunlop said:

We have  been told that the plan is to have our dept working from home by a week on Friday.

This is going to sound odd, but this whole situation hasnt been "real" so far. Ive still gone to work. It has been to a large extent, business as usual.

I live on my own & I am now facing the reality of potentially seeing no one at all for weeks.... I wont lie, I have been dreading this.

Has anyone got any tips? I will have stuff to do with work... but the lack of interaction is concerning me. 

Draw faces on all your stuff and pretend you live in the beauty and the beast house.